Traditions

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with the holidays approaching, I’m just how others have handled traditions. Specifically, doing different traditions. For example, my SO does the whole Elf on a Shelf thing for his daughter. That’s nothing that I really want to start with our children. Idk, just not something I’m into. I don’t feel like a fake elf should try to trick them into good behavior. SO doesn’t really like it either, but it’s something he feels like he has to continue for his daughter. Our oldest is almost 3, so something he will definitely notice this year. How do I, or is there a way, to separate this tradition? I really don’t see how it’s going to be possible... Has anyone else dealt with this? Should I just give in and do it anyway?

I think that Elf crap is

I think that Elf crap is stupid. I’ve seen some really creative stuff online with it but the pressure to keep up with it? Notvgor me.

Just because BM wants her kids growing up being spied in doesn’t mean he has to come to your house. I wouldn’t participate and explain that BM sent a spy for skids. LOL.

I faced this crap early on and just made it so that what happens in BM’s home stays there. I had my own kids and ways. She spent a lot of effort on a few things to brainwash the skids into thinking she was the greatest. Whatever, I went for daily parenting which got a better result in the long run.

Its your choice how you run your home and raise the kids in your home. Don’t give that away to anyone. IMO

Yes, not for me either.

but the thing is, my SO will continue it for his daughter. Maybe I could just tell our children the elf is to check on her. Hell, idk. This is so frustrating and harder than what it should be.

Does she have her own room?

Does she have her own room? If so maybe the elf can just be moved around in there?

She does

maybe that will work. Thanks for the suggestion.

What do you say when she asks why the other kids don’t have a elf?

Does she have one at her mom

Does she have one at her mom's house? If so...it comes from her mom's house...she is the one that requested it from santa...

Or simply, you didn't request one from santa (because the other kids behave, rolf).

Also, she's 8, so 3rd or 4th

Also, she's 8, so 3rd or 4th grade? This may be the last year she believes? Unless she continues to play it off "to get more" like my formerSS.

As far I know, yes.

Good suggestion

Omg that effing elf. Smdh. I

Omg that effing elf. Smdh. I am right there with you!!

My formerSO did this for his son that lived with him FT. Well, unless he forgot, and then his kid would ask why it didn't move and then formerSO would get mad at ME for not doing it. Like, what the hell that's YOUR thing with YOUR KID. OMG formerSS is going to figure out its not real'! Mind you, the kid was 12 at the time...he totally knew the elf wasn't real and that santa wasn't real. But, he really played it up because he knew he would get more if he continued to pretend. It was so damn rediculous!

How old is your SD?

8.

& it’s not like it helps with anything. She very bluntly said last year, “it doesn’t matter how i act, I’m still gonna get presents”.

I agree, it’s ridiculous.

This kind of thing can be

This kind of thing can be hard to separate. Do you believe it causes harm to the kids? Personally, I think it's a little annoying and wouldn't be doing it myself, but if your SO wants to play the game with the kids.. I wouldn't consider it a hill to die on.

See, that’s what I’m thinking

See, that’s what I’m thinking. How on earth will it be possible?? I don’t think it necessarily causes harm; just not something I really want to start with my children. I try to teach good behaviors; not to have good behaviors once a year bc some elf is supposedly watching you. Idk, just not my thing ya know.

I don't think having the elf

I don't think having the elf is telling them that they don't need to behave other times of the year. I think it's more of a "fun tradition" that gets the kids excited about the holidays. I don't think each kid gets their own elf... I think that the elf that is in your house already from your SO is equal opportunity to all. But, since it isn't a tradition you get into...you don't have to do the arranging. I am assuming that your bio children are with your SO.. if so.. they are his bio children also .. let this be a "fun thing" he can do with all his kids. It really isn't going to hurt your kids to "guess where that darn elf will turn up and what trouble he will be in."

Thanks for that outlook.

I don’t think it’s anything he really enjoys or necessarily wants to do either; more of a “have to” type of thing for him.

Like, if it wasn’t something already established with SD, it wouldn’t be anything he’d start/continue with our children.

If this is the case... it may

If this is the case... it may just die on the vine. I would let him do it all.. if he lets it slide.. that is for him to deal with and he can explain to the kids. It is likely something that they will only truly "believe" for a few years.. then they will probably be just fine with it going away..lol.

In my home, we had a tradition where my brother and I each got advent calendars that had little chocolates behind each door you opened up on the way to the big day.

I say go ahead and do the traditions you are happy to do. It is hard to not do for one when you do for others... so generally you and your DH should be kind of on the same page..or at least be indifferent to it and let the other do the heavy lifting on the tradition they want to carry on. It's not too different than when a couple gets together and blends their own family's traditions and makes them their own.

The past years, ive let him

The past years, ive let him do it all. I’ve not been involved. It’s just that this year, our oldest will be noticing, wondering, and asking. I just wasn’t sure how to handle not really carrying on that tradition with them. Maybe I’m just thinking too much into it

"Go ask daddy... he can

"Go ask daddy... he can explain it the best" That's it. It's not all encompassing and all consuming. It's not like having to explain why one kid celebrates Hanukkah and the others Christmas. This is a harmless and minor tradition.. it isn't central to the holiday but can be a fun distraction for the kids to keep them entertained until the big day. This isn't a tradition that is going to cause a problem if you just let your husband continue it for all the kids to enjoy. If he wants to quit it..that's up to him. maybe ask HIM if he wants to stop or keep going. I'm assuming his daughter knows santa isn't real at this point.. so it would be simple to have him tell her she is "too old" for it.

Thanks so much for your

Thanks so much for your replies

I did the elf thing with my

I did the elf thing with my kids when they still believed. It wasn't so much about good behavior as it was about the excitement of Christmas coming. "Snowflake" was always getting into trouble. They would wake up so excited to see what "Snowflake" got into last night. They would also write notes to Santa - (they weren't the please get me this ____ notes, they asked Santa questions, they asked about the reindeer, ect. SUPER CUTE!!) I have them saved in baby books.

My SO uses it as good

My SO uses it as good behavior tactic. “The elf is watching you”.

Maybe that can be your

Maybe that can be your comprimise with the elf. It isn't about behavior- it is about fun.

I accidentally ruined the elf

I accidentally ruined the elf on the shelf... DH tried it the first year finally away from Psycho with the girls (shocker, she didn't care to spend time with the girls for months in there...)... He wasn't super fond of it, but thought they had fun...

But then I forgot the facade the elf shows up and SD9 asked where you get the elf from and I said "I dunno, we cna probably order one on Amazon." Apparently the right answer was "Santa brings it." OOPS!

Regardless, I don't think you can seperate them. Part of getting married is combinding traditions. THANKFULLY DH had virtually NONE before me. And I have enough for everyone in North America to each have one of their own. LMAO. I've cut mine down to simplify it. And we've found some that are OURS. Which is nice.

I hate that stupid ELF. Who

I hate that stupid ELF. Who the heck thought of this anyway!?! I can't imagine how to prevent your children from seeing this but have you asked H about stopping it? Would he consider it?

Omg, me too

idk but I think it’s ridiculous

i haven’t yet, was hoping to maybe get some insight on here. Honestly, I don’t think he would. I guess it’s something the ex started when they were together and he continued after the separation.

Our kids together are younger, so not really noticed yet. But this year oldest will have just turned 3, so he’ll definitely be curious about it this year.

H can always tell SD that the

H can always tell SD that the elf was run over by one of Santa's reindeers and he's dead now......lol

I'm not a fan of the Elf but

I'm not a fan of the Elf but we have him anyways, thanks MIL lol He doesn't dictate behavior for GSD he is just a Christmas reminder, as far as I remember Santa was always the behavior dude, naughty and nice list, sees you when you're sleeping etc. The Elf is just another money maker for some ingenious evil mastermind preying on the children and parents of the world .

Our Elf “Died”

When my grandkids (My son 38’s 2 boys) were younger, they did that whole Elf thing- I could not imagine that anyone actually believed in that,(they were super well disciplined boys anyway, so why did they need a creepy little thing watching them) One Christmas a few years ago when we were visiting, one of our little dogs found the “elf” and came running into the living room, with the elf in his mouth, batting him back and forth...the dog of course thought it was a toy- OMG, the youngest boy was screaming in terror.....after I rescued the “elf” and pretended to doctor him up till he was good as new and the tears were dry, I must admit, I had to go outside and have a good laugh...I am not a mean person, but it sure was a funny sight—-

I really don't care about

I really don't care about what format a tradition takes. What is imporant is the tradition itself and the family engagement that it drives.

Santa, The Grinch, The Tooth Fair, Elf on a Shelf, Frosty, The Easter Bunney, .... it makes no difference.

My bride detested Barney when my SS was a toddler. Her younger sister was a Barney fanatic and my bride was sick to death of Barney by the time SS was born. I didn't care one way or the other. The three of us created our own traditions and we participated in the traditions my parents created in thier/our family.

As I said, it is about the connections.

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