Homework help
SD13 is extremely blessed. She has everything she could ask for and more. BM's parents are taking her to Ireland for 11 days so SD is missing 9 days of school from the 16-26th. She got most of her homework ahead of time and math has been a struggle. She got caught "faking" her homework with 4 other kids in her class 2 weeks ago. This was getting the odd-numbered answers from the back of the book and fudging the work so now they are only assigned even-numbered problems.
She isn't into math. Fine, not everyone is. I am pretty good at it and can still (mostly) do 8th grade math. So I help her to help DH. He isn't a "math person" like me. The teacher gave SD assignments that they haven't learned yet but most of the examples in the book help to solve the problems.
SD isn't reading the examples and lesson explanations so she is looking at the problems and immediately asking for help. I don't mind helping when she's decent but after I explain something and expect her to solve for herself and actually help herself find the answer, she gets huffy with an attitude and expects me to just give her the answer. I absolutely refuse to do that but I think BM just does the work for her as "help". The lessons all have the same concept but she gets amnesia when it comes time to apply critical thinking.
My best girlfriend who is also a SM told me to step back and that if she's already struggling with math, who thought it was a good idea to go on a vacation in the middle of the semester? I totally agree and no matter how much I help SD, if she doesn't understand basic sequences and apply them correctly, she will fail her quizzes and test when she gets back no matter how much I help.
Oh, and she doesn't want to do any work on the trip so she will have to finish whatever she didn't the weekend she comes back anyway. I don't want to deny SD real help because I want her to graduate on time and hopefully not expect to live with us during college but I also will not give her answers just so she can get the assignment done.
Edit: everything on the internet says to NOT do the problems for kids but I've seen SD text BM a picture of the problem and BM sends a picture back of how she solved it. SD has been locked in her room for over an hour now because we got into a heated argument. She wasn't doing what I told her to do to set up the problem and just kept whining that she "doesn't know" what to do so I told her to not ask for my help if she won't listen. She got teary eyed because I snapped and used a few curse words (not proud of that) but her attitude facking sucks! I can't stand the whiney baby voice anymore and told her to talk to me like a human being. I passed 8th grade math, I don't need to do her work, too!
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My SS was (is? He's in
My SS was (is? He's in college now) a lazy student, too, and BM gave him way too much help, in much the same manner. I remember him trying to actually get me to do his homework for him. He used to whine and pout and lie, and at BM's, cry, so that she would help him. I believe she did it for him or at the very least gave him the answers like your SD's BM does.
Time to quit helping her at all. A lot of parents can't help their kids with math at a certain point, anyway, and she can get the help from school. If BM just hands her the answer, she's going to want and expect that, and you can't care more about her grades than her own bio mother does. She'll just think you are a big meanie and act just like she is. Too much crap for a stepmother to take on.
I am asking her critical
I am asking her critical questions about the concept, expecting feedback like a normal person would react to. She just expects me to keep giving her answers without putting in any effort to solve the problem. When I ask in an open-ended question to make her think, I get "I dunno". She has been on one section for 6 hours. It should take maybe one. The last thing I told her was to ask her teacher because I'm not going to be talked to like trash and it's not my homework to learn.
If she had a positive attitude, I wouldn't be bothered at all! I love helping. I don't need to do her homework to pass 8th grade. She does if she doesn't want to be held back.
I hope BM's parents enjoy
I hope BM's parents enjoy Ireland with a 13 year old in tow. Ireland is beautiful, but at 13 I'm not sure how much one enjoys it. SD may be different, but my kids were not joyous travelers at that age.
That's the way it is when you try to do the work before the trip. You're trying to do the work without the foundation knowledge. Really hard to do in math.
Here most teachers wouldn't give the work in advance as most kids don't return it. Here you can make it up afterwards, but they won't chase you for it. If you don't make it up you get a zero.
Two weeks out of school in eighth grade for a vacation is hard, but it can be done. She's having a miserable time with schoolwork before she goes, and will have more schoolwork misery upon return. I hope the trip goes well.
Khan academy has great math videos that SD might find helpful either now or upon return. Or maybe the trip grandparents would fund a math tutor for a few weeks to help their granddaughter understand the concepts she missed in class while on their trip.
SD is the pickiest eater I
SD is the pickiest eater I know. GBM is actually bringing SD cereal on the plane so that she has breakfast. She's going to probably starve because she refuses to try anything out of her comfort zone. I hope she enjoys the experience but I'm sure she'll find a way to whine about something.
She used Khan academy last year but not this year. SD told me that she doesn't know how to find the average of 2 numbers. If she hasn't learned how to average numbers by now, I fear for her education greatly. The girl has a cell phone with data and a laptop but asks simple questions instead of referring to the book or internet. I am all for helping but I am tired of being expected to just do the work.
In our district 10 days out
In our district 10 days out school (regardless if it’s vacation or just staying home) will result to referral to truancy officer and subsequent dealing with court. Unless one has attendance waver for chronic medical condition, one will end up in court. That’s educational neglect.
I didn't know that. Well, it
I didn't know that. Well, it's probably something BM will keep from DH anyway since she's still primary on the school contact list.
OP says missing 9 days
Not certain if you mean 10 days in total (which is not unheard of) or 10 days in a row, but OP says the kids is missing 9 days in a row.
Yes, it's actually 9. She
Yes, it's actually 9. She hasn't missed any days on DH's time the semester.
Yes 10 total in semester. 9
Yes 10 total in semester. 9 isn’t that far off. One more time and it will be 10. Why are parents allowing it is beyond me. My DD was a stellar student and I never ever allowed school missed for vacation. Unacceptable
Three words: child of divorce
Three words: child of divorce.
I think you should stop
I think you should stop trying to help her. It's just going to make your relationship even more difficult. If she's going to miss a couple weeks of school, and math is a struggle already, your DH and her BM need to pony up and get her a math tutor to teach her the material she misses. She won't be able to get a tutor to do the work for her, and anything they can do to make the material clearer for her will improve her attitude toward math. BM doing the problems for her is hurting her, not helping her in the least.
That's why I refuse to give
That's why I refuse to give her answers. My dad never gave me answers and now I know how he felt when he asked "do you expect me to just do the work for you"?
SD does need a tutor and I pray to the good Lord she treats that person with respect, unlike the way she treats me. If she had a positive learning attitude, I wouldn't be posting. But if she wants to spend her time locked in her room watching Netflix instead of getting ahead and TRYING, she can fail for all I care now.
A few years ago I tried to
A few years ago I tried to help a friend’s 13 year old niece with her math homework. I am very good at explaining concepts about how one solves a problem. She did not want to put in any effort so I stopped. She’s now 23 with no education, no skills and a dead end job.
Very few jobs are truly dead end if one is willing to work hard and go the extra mile.
This terrifies me about SD.
This terrifies me about SD. We are fostering a puppy and she's been told to keep her bedroom door closed ALL WEEK. Her room door was still left open multiple times so if all the crap cluttering her room gets chewed up, it isn't my fault.
At this point... I would let
At this point... I would let SD manage on her own to get her assignments done (or not.. her choice). If she asks for your help you can show her HOW to work problems.. but if she just tries to get you to give her the answer tell her that you will help on your terms period. If she doesn't get the work done before the trip.. oh well.. it isn't going to torpedo her whole life.
And.. I think that you need to talk to her dad about "next steps" for her. It sounds like she needs extra help in math. Yeah, I know you passed it...lol.. but she may either need someone to explain things a different way, or she is learning a different method in school.. so she is getting confused. I would suggest a professional tutor to help her come up to speed. For a variety of reasons you both are getting very frustrated with this. If her family has enough means to go on European vacations.. they have enough money to hire an actual tutor. Don't take it as you are not smart enough or capable enough.. it might be that she will learn better from someone else.. or by a different teaching method. Shoot, I know parents who are experts at things yet still get their child training from a 3rd party because sometimes it just works better that way.
She has a study hour that she
She has a study hour that she isn't taking advantage of, either. I am out of solutions. She gets sassy and crabby with me. If she can't be decent to me for helping her, I guess I am not very interested in helping. SD says she doesn't talk to her teachers the way she was sassing me but she's also a known liar, so..
Kids are often sassy/crabby
Kids are often sassy/crabby to family and perfect angels elsewhere.
Case in point is my nephew. he has his dad and mom wrapped around his finger.. he can be a handful for them at times (especially his mom). It especially frustrates my SIL because she actually is a teacher.. and I think she was a bit taken aback that she didn't deal with her own child very effectively. My brother is actually more successful getting the boy to behave better. She recently got a job at the school where her son is now a student in the first grade. He is an amazing boy there. polite, conscientious and behaves very well. My SIL is like "who is this kid you are talking about". So they figure that they would rather have him be "bad" in private but a model citizen in public lol. So, she may be telling the truth. I know it sucks but we often treat those closest to us worse because we can. You can't tell your Boss to "F off" when you get frustrated but you can say that to a spouse who you know loves you. So, it's very possible that your SD would thrive with a tutor when you can't get past square one with her.
Ugh, your SD sounds like my
Ugh, your SD sounds like my SD who is 9. Not always, but often she just wants people to do her homework for her, and then whines about how she doesn't know and "doesn't get it", when you can clearly see that she's not trying to understand. My SO gets SOOO mad, he practically just yells at her the entire time. The point is, she is 9 and SS12 does not do this at ALL. He does his homework on his own, occasionally asks questions, but never expects us to do it for him. Your SD is plenty old enough to realize she needs to do it her damn self.
I even told her that she can
I even told her that she can get her GED and go to work or straight to college but the homework won't get any easier. She definitely plays the dumb card and doesn't even try to understand. It's the same concept but when I ask how SHE thinks she should start, she immediately resorts to whining and "I don't knows".
And don't even get me started on the word problems! She skims over them then whines for help. When I ask what is being asked of her, I've gotten "well what do you think"? On top of her already existing attitude problem, she sasses and pouts to me like I should feel bad for her. I've sacrificed a lot for my education with minimal help. I don't feel bad for her not understanding middle school homework and being a jerk on top of it. 13 is plenty old to know she's being that way.