My worst nightmare is happening!!!!!
hubbys ex is beyond insane. False accusations, always picks fights, everyone must obey her. But in the community she is an “angel”. She was in an anusive relationship prior to hubby and hubby claims she pushed him to that point. I do not condone violence AT ALL. But she has pushed hubby to a point I’m surprised he hasn’t snapped. She is severely abusive! She has made false claims before and I needed councelling. It broke me and I have my own child to protect. We had an amazing week with SS this week. Despite his bed wetting in previous post. We went to the pools and trampoline park and the beach and hiking and had like 3 movie nights with so much junk food and pancakes for dinner. It was great. SS asked me yesterday when he was going home and I said I don’t know but your dads sorting it with your mom. He then said they will be fighting and he will just go tomorrow if she doesn’t want to meet halfway or pick him up. I just made a joke of the situation to lighten it (I said let the hunger games begin). He also mentioned to me on his own accord about his sister getting a trespass order from her boyfriend and mentioned to his dad that he’s been in contact with his mums violent exes family. Hubby became worried and asked him some questions about seeing them and left it at that. Today SS went home and the ex is accusing me of all sorts. Saying I made SS uncomfortable and asked him things I shouldn’t have and I shouldn’t be around SS and he won’t be coming back unless I’m gone because I’m a danger somehow. I’m beyond furious. Hubby told her to get f***** but she doesn’t care. We have been to the lawyers a billion times and it gets us no where because she’s a victim of abuse and paints hubby like her ex. Hubby wants to see his son but is not going to give me the boot obviously but what do we do when she refuses to hand him over. The system here is shit. We have a court order but she just gets a letter in the mail and told to comply. Not only this but what’s if the accusations paint me as a bad parent and somehow affects my son! I’m starting a buisness, iv completed study in veterinary medicine I’m a good person. I don’t deserve this!
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Your DH is going to have to
Your DH is going to have to make a choice:... either he puts his foot down once and for all and risks not seeing his kid for a long time; or he keeps going appeasing this crazy ex and you keep going through it until something major happens or you leave.
We are in a similar situation.... but our problem is just she won’t comoly with court orders, and the courts are not willing to impose harsh enough consequences.... and everything just goes around in circles making lawyers rich.
My DH has now (for the time being anyways) accepted that until he gives up there isn’t even the slightest chance for change. It isn’t your fault, she would behave like this to your DH no matter what, and the same to whomever he was with. Now you just have to decide how YOU are going to handle it and what YOU are going to do about it.
love your comments Rags
but you must realize that courts favour the CP BM no matter how heinous. It's 1000+ times easier to fight an NCP bioDAD in court as it was in your case. The courts see CP HCBM as wearing a halo and "protecting" the children. Given the automatic benefit of the doubt...especially those women who come off as MOTY and soccermom "pillar of the community" like the Girhippo. You could end up spending hundreds of thousands only for HCBM to maybe get a slight tap on the wrist.
Thinkthrice is absolutely
Thinkthrice is absolutely correct.... dads do not have a chance in court, even when the judges actually agree with dad!!!!!
We have gone the legal route and have spent you don’t even want to know how much money trying to fix some of the crap the (literally insane) BM has caused.
And me and DH are both educated professionals with great high status jobs, with amazing families, no issues whatsoever legally or with any substance abuse problems, with a nice home and raising my DD with her dad and stepmom. We are the “pillars of the community”.
Bio mom isn’t even a “saint” she has a criminal record from what she has done to us, has been caught telling lies in court that were substantial and they will slap her on the wrist but that is as far as it goes. She just gets crazier and crazier each time (because of the courts being how they are she knows she can get away with pretty much anything!). She doesn’t even have any actual allegations against us, she is just simply saying the kids don’t want to go and she isn’t making them- end of story. And the court is pretty much like “you can’t do that”, but then don’t do anything to stop it.... and she just keeps chugging along.
Also the courts now are very different than even 5 years ago- they are just all about “let’s hold hands and sing kumbaya”— so when someone is acting up it isn’t like it was 5 years ago where they will throw the book at them, it’s “let’s try X and see if that helps.... we will come back in 6 months and talk about it”—- so another 6 months of alienation passes and then they will say the exact same thing again. All while you give them 10’s of thousands of dollars.
See this is where it works
See this is where it works for BMs but not dad’s. We have a good CO, she is at liberty to break the CO without penalty (as she is the custodial parent)- we have paid immense amounts of money to (ocassionally) get her to have a slap on the wrist. It is always just a lecture from judge and a “see you in 6 months”, and repeat.
How fianncially do we break her?! DH pays her over half his income.... and that is legal obligation. Can’t just not pay child support. Can make her keep paying for a lawyer, but that hurts us as much as it does her.
She doesn’t work, so can’t ruin her with her employer..... but me and DH do, and she has already done crazy things surrounding that.
We live 3 hours away, her church already knows she is a nut, but they don’t care and neither does she. She has only a couple friends and they are the exact same kind of people she is..... so again they don’t care. We have more at stake than she does, and she has zero moral compass and will do ANYTHING to destroy DH’s life, his relationship with his kids and his families life.
im a bio mom as well, and trust me when I say the dads who are non-custodial have pretty much no say, and are in a weak spot. I would never, but trust me I know I could absolutely destroy my ex’s life piece by piece if I was so inclined.... and it would cost me almost nothing to do so. It is a whole different ballgame when it comes to non-custodial dads... all you can do is hope the BM is a decent person, or you have an endless supply of money you don’t mind handing over in hopes that at some point the court will do something (anything) to help the horrible situation.
Pretty much if you are dealing wiith a lunatic BM you are at her mercy, and either you make yourself broke fighting her or you walk away and go try to be as happy as you can without your kids in your life.
In all honesty, you and your wife could have just refused to hand the kid over and ended up with about the same result as anything going through court.
Think about it.... you don’t hand the kid over and the cops say “we don’t get involved”.... but we will record keep for you. Then you go to your lawyer spend about $4000 to get an expedited court date.... the judge says “why didn’t you supply the kids?!”.... “they were sick and didn’t want to go”, oh ok... “well next time make them go”, and “DH please don’t bring such minor issues to my court room”- so next time you wait to have 6 mo this worth of court orders being broken (as the children are more damaged in the process)... you spend another $4000 to be heard and it’s “ok let’s do a views of the children”, and we will order some counselling (of course Mom doesn’t agree with who to select for a counsel or and that is another 2 ml th wait.... kids go and the. It’s oh we aren’t going anymore kids don’t like this counselling, and then more court orders broken.... and back to court another 6 months later and on and on. Then Mom fabricated some new problem and it continues. If the kids are brainwashed, and the mom has no scrupuls it just doesn’t work and who has time to battle like this when you are working 60 hrs+/week trying to keep up with legal fees, etc.
The term spermidiot and
The term spermidiot and spermclan totally cracks me up!!
We did switch judges (after finding out the one judge was buddies with Safan’s lawyer), The other judges have been kind an on DH’s side.... but it is just limited as to what they do or what they are willing to do. Satan is very conniving and just doesn’t listen to anything (including consequences- legal and monetary). Pretty much our only hope would be if they fully reversed custody and gave her supervised visits- but to get to that point would cost us at least 100k and no guarantee. She also LOVES the legal battle because she then just deprives the kids financially to pay for it and is all “look what your DAD is doing to us!!!!!!!”, it is so sick. Most women (or people in general) would just comply and be reasonable... not this one!!
The only thing that is left to do is to drop the rope now and see if that maybe makes her change her ways slightly... at the least it should decrease the amount of damage she is doing to the kids. She knows how much DH loves them and this is her way of seeking revenge or keeping power. If we just walk away for it and let it be known that it is fine and we will live a happy life without this chaos whether that means the kids see us or not is I think the ONLY thing that will impact this lunatic witch.
Well The Girhippo
didnt even show up as a respondent the last court date we had. She merely slipped the court clerk a note THE BUSINESS DAY BEFORE the hearing saying it was "too stressful" for her to appear.
Did the magistrate even admonish her for being a no show or say "officer, drag her in here?" Nope. Instead they were all up in CHEF'S ass wanting to know his latest INCOME for CS!!!! No, a CP HCBM has the upper hand and an NCP bioDad is as they say in the vernacular "down by law."
The stuff they get away with
The stuff they get away with blows my mind!! And I’m sure they all talk with other toxic HCBMs and on blogs and get tips too.... they must because the stunts they pull and get away with always are the same. I would be terrified to pull such stunts but they don’t even bat an eye just knowing what they can get away with. There were a few things happening when my DD was little that I legitimately should have taken my ex to court about... but I was terrified of going and somehow losing custody or creating more trouble- sigh, had I known.
Rags you are a riot
That is all.
Without proof that she was a
Without proof that she was a victim of previous abuse, her current behavior causes me to doubt her claim. Our BM tried claiming DH was abusive over a year after their divorce was final, when it never came up during the divorce. My DH is a smurf and would never hurt anyone. She's a lying liar.