The SD is respecting the OP.   The OP has said that the woman is polite and respectful.  She just isn't interested in having a relationship with the OP.    

Dad isn't  "letting" his daughter live in his guesthouse.  She is paying rent AND attending college.

I think you should move on from this situation.  SD will never give you a chance and she has daddy snowed about being an adult.  She has his balls in her purse.  Head over to the Adult stepkid board and read there.  After seeing those nightmares, you can decide if you are up to staying and putting up with a people pleasing man who like to have 2 females fighting over him.  

The kid (or adult) doesn’t have to like you. You’re not her cup of tea and she isn’t causing you problems. Count your blessings. The dad/daughter trip is a regular thing, of course you shouldn’t be invited. Have you considered that she might be stand offish to you because you’re trying to push yourself on her and into plans that used to be special time with her dad? 

If you went on that trip with them how uncomfortable that would be for you. The daughters resentment of you would be magnified. 

Frankly I dont find her respectful if she barely acknowleges you. You are someone special in her fathers life. She should make an effort to talk with you and get to know you.IMO this does cause problems because there is very little comfort level in your home. Since she doesnt want a relationship with you and your BF doesnt see this as a problem, then you are in a no win situation. It also sounds like your BF will defend his DD's actions, or lack thereof, again a no win situation. 

Good luck. Situations like this rarely get better.

Look at it this way - At least your BF has talked to his disrespectful DD about the way she treats you. My DH talked to each of the adult skids and it didn't do any good. So, never trust her and always watch your back. My hateful adult skids never wanted to include me in any of their family trips, even after we were married and my DH doesn't go because of their disrespect.

Let them go on their little vacation. I'd plan a nice getaway for myself and a friend, relative, or whoever you want to go with and not include your BF. Tell him you need alone time too.  If you were married, they should definitely include you. If they never asked you if you wanted to go, it is really inconsiderate; but I don't know any considerate adult skids.

Show his DD that it doesn't bother you they are going on this trip. She probably wants to purposely exclude you and get a reaction out of you, because this is what disrespectful adult skids do. Don't let her win in that she is putting any strain on your relationship with her father, as that maybe also what she wants to do.

Hang all over him in front of her. Whisper in his ear in front of her. The look on adult skids faces when this happens is priceless.

You definitely don't sound needy. Most likely you are like so many of us who have been purposely excluded from any function arranged by adult skids who play means games. This daddy/daughter bonding time during a long vacation is BS. They can bond at dinner or lunch. Really no reason you should not be included or at least asked if you wanted to go. I bet if dear daughter wanted her boyfriend to go, he would. Works both ways.

good luck

Disengage so that nothing they could ever do could make you jealous. Act like you are better than their unrefined bullsh-*t and have them lapping like puppy dogs at your feet.

I would not want to attend a daughter/father mini get-away if I weren't welcome by both. I would find something for me that would consist of nothing but 'me me me'. I can think of lots of things to do that either would bore my DH to pieces and/or he just doesn't enjoy doing... so their trip would be a woo-hoo for me. I'd gladly wave them off as I tossed my bags in my own car and off I'd go doing what I like to do. 

The father/daughter trip isn't solely on your SD. Your boyfriend is encouraging it by merely agreeing to take her and her alone. So if you're to be angry over it, don't forget to blame him. 

As to the daughter wanting nothing to do with you, you simply can not force this young lady to like and be buddies with you. Dad can not force her to chatter and be all chummy with you. Polite and civil is the best you are going to get. When I read your posting, I get the feeling you'd like your BF to tell his daughter he won't talk to and see her unless you are at his side with a warm sincere welcoming. Is that it? Do you want your BF to shun his daughter unless is suddenly starts thinking of you as her new best friend who she invites for iced tea poolside gossip sessions, goes and gets your nails done together, has you come sit in at BBQ's she host with her college friends as the fun hip stepmommy? 

She isn't planning on renting the pool house forever. She's going to get finished with school, start her fulltime career and off she'll go pursuing her own life and space. When that day comes, someone else will be renting the pool house. They too will have their own parties and friends and do their own thing right in your backyard. You won't expect the renter to be your buddy, nor hang out and include you. Nope. 

There are a whole lot of stepmoms here that have 100% mentally and physically disengaged from having anything to do with their adult stepkids. And *we* don't tell those SMs they are being disrespectful to their adult stepkids by disengaging from them. *We* don't advise them to knock it off and go be friends with the skids. *We* don't advise them to keep putting themselves out to keep trying with the skids and to give the skids a more chances. Nor do *we* advise they are being disrespectful of their BF/SO/DH's children. 

Rose&Peonies, do yourself a favor and book a nice spa weekend for yourself. Why would you want to be a part of their annual father/daugter outing anyway? She wants nothing to do with you, consider it a blessing and return the favor. She doesn't have to have a relationship with you or even like you but at least have a level of respect while she's living there.

Continue on with your happy life with your BF and know that she's not a factor in your life.  You have to have an indifferent attitude when it comes to her and just do you darling. Tell BF to have a fabulous time as you will be enjoying your weekend and make sure you continue to do what makes you happy.

You're giving her too much power.....

Your DH is getting the best of "all" worlds.  His ex is still best friends? That is completely dysfunctional for a healthy partnership.  Adult SD takes precedance over you? No. You should be the priority above BM and SD if the relationship has staying power.  Sounds to me like his "ties" to his ex and his bio daughter outweigh the value of your relationship.  If you have moved into a "comfortable" lifestyle with this man and do not have the resources to move out under the circumstances you've described then that is YOUR doing, YOUR choice. Wake up.

Mentally healthy, secure women would never stand for this kind of dysfunctional, enmeshed bs with their partners.  If you had a solid, supportive, adult relationship with your DH...YOU would be his best friend! He would also care and be understanding about your feelings in all this and make supportive choices.  This may sound harsh, but it sounds to me like DH has everything HE needs, and has left you holding the emotional bag. 

I'm not even going to ask why you aren't married to him yet.  That solid commitment would be a sign to both BM and SD that "You're not going anywhere and you are the first lady in the home." Your clout with the situation would improve.  Right now, you are just the girlfriend who is living there being strung along in this enmeshed drama. SD and BM don't seem to care about your position in the household or as DH's partner because all signs point to -  "She's second!"  DH has everything to do with this! 

Disengaging cannot be done if the parties involved are playing some kind of passive-aggressive manipulative dance right in front of your eyes. Trust your gut feeling. If your SD "irritates" you something deeper is screaming...pay attention!!!  Being nice and polite is always the mask that passive-aggressives wear as they are trying to destroy and divide you.  BM and SD probably figure that one day you'll have enough and move on. Until then, you will be the target in the shadows. If DH does not take action to support you then you've made a very bad choice of partner.