The woman is polite, respectful in college and paying rent.  *stop*  When these become bad things???

She is an adult.  Adults are free to decide who they want to engage with.  She isnt rude or disrespectful to you.  She is just keeping out of her inner circle.  There's nothing wrong with that.

Since she is paying rent, she's her father's tenant.  Tenants are free to invite guest into their homes.  

If saving money to pay for your wedding is an issue, why don't you get a job?  If your DF wants to spend money that he earns on his daughter, that's his business.  

It's very, very normal for parents to pay for kids to do enriching activities while they are still enrolled at university. It is a parent's right to do this. It is normal for parents to allow children to live in extra accomodation and to charge less than market rent - especailly in tight housing markets (like it sounds like you are in). You should be happy she's paying rent. 

Personally if I were in her shoes I'd be wondering why her dad is the only one working and contributing financially to the household? My dad married a leech, too. 

She said she is paying half the rent! I dont think i would pay rent at my dad's cottage, just saying. Dad paying for her tuition is a good thing you should be happy you have a DH who is a responsible father! As long as SD respects you and isnt rude to you then you have nothing to worry about! I know it hurts to feel ignored and rejected by your step child especially when you long to have a relationship with them. Truth is she may not like you and she isnt interested dont take it personal.  Apart from family you choose your own friends, you choose who you want to make a part of your life based on a lot of things like how they look, how they behave, what you have in common, if you click etc. Im sure yourself you have people you are just not interested in knowing or getting close to. Aint nothing wrong with that. Just cause you married her father dont mean she has to love you or have a relationship with you! Her father chose you and not her. As long as she respects you that's enough, you need to get over it, this is not your child or your relative.

I have a step son i treat him with respect and kindness that every human being derseves but i dont love him, i just dont like the way he is, he is too clever and talkative for my liking and behaves like a spoilt brat and likes to act like a 5 year old baby yet he is soon to be 11. I dont post him on my whatsapp and when i print photos to hang on the wall, i dont print his because i dont even have a photo of him on my phone. I honestly dont consider him part of my family, he is an outsider to me because he is the only person in the house i did not chose to have. I personally chose to have my DH so i take whatever bullshit he throws at me because its the choice i made myself, I chose to get pregnant and have my baby, again i will take whatever he throws at me, step child was just forced in my life, he will always feel like DH's family and not mine. Maybe your SD feels the same way about you? 

I agree with all of the above commenters - OSD is not obligated to like you or include you in things, of course. However, she is an adult living at your home. While it's true that we're allowed to choose who we do and do not hang out with in adulthood...on the flip side, we're usually NOT expected to put up with a person who openly dislikes us full-time in our own homes...excluding us from events taking place literally in our own backyard, right under our noses. That sounds like torture. It would be different if she were in her own place and simply disengaged from you. No big deal. In this set-up, it's like she's shoving it in your face. 

This situation sounds completely unfair to you and your fiance should address it...or you should get a job and move out until the wedding. If I were in your shoes, I would not be cool with my fiance setting all the rules for the household because he earns more. Most financial and marriage counselors will tell you that, in a marriage, the higher-earner should not hold it over the lower-earner or demand certain behaviors...or get to call all the shots. That's a recipe for resentment and a poor marraige.  

It's also not cool that she invites her mother over to your home. That would feel intrusive and uncomfortable for anyone.  If they want to see each other, they can do it outside of your home...no need to use the shared backyard and other resources to entertain her mother. Gross. 

If I were you, I'd address my concerns with my fiance and be ready to hold my ground and move out if there is no room for reasonable compromise. 

PS. We have a basement unit that we're renovated for guests, etc. If my DH ever tried to move one of his adult kids into our home, I'd lose it. 

My bitch stepdaughter used to act like that until she got a good ass chewing by her dad. Now, if I call her on her shit she has to apologize to me in front of her father. We can’t wait until she moves out. I’m pushing for a college out of state.

So if my math is correct, and it probably isn't, you had been dating your fiance for about a year when SD moved to his property. SD was probably already living there when you moved in, right? I don't think that's a strong position from which to ask him to make her move or make many demands at all.

SD's paying rent, polite and kind, and did acknowledge both of you when she gave the gift. That's not so bad considering how she might have handled it. I get it -- things are not as you'd like them. And I would hate BM hanging around my space all day. But I'm not sure you can expect SD to be put out if that was the living arrangement when you moved in. Nor can you expect the financial arrangement to change if it was already set when you moved in.

It's hard to forge relationships with older SDs. They don't need SMs for anything so it's their choice to engage or not. She's at least polite. It sounds as if what bugs you is that she exists and exists in such close proximity. She will always exist; changing the proximity is all you can hope for. Talk to your fiance about his expectations for her: will she move out when she graduates? Will she be offered the reduced rent after she's working? Tell him your bottom line and see how willing he is to change things and when he's willing to change them. Then figure out if you can live with that.

If you want to be included in his family gatherings, why not talk to HIM about it? SD has no obligation to invite you, but your fiance certainly does.

I'm wondering if part of the problem is that you're "just a girlfriend." In SD's eyes, you have less right to be there than she. If your fiance has dated a lot of women, maybe shacked up with some, SD has been down this road, probably invested in some of those girlfriends, and in the end they disappeared. Do you have a ring? Do you have a wedding date set? SD will only take your relationship as seriously as the situation appears. You could skip a big wedding and get married by a judge, which wouldn't cost much. But I'd work out some of these questions before committing.

Dating is when you figure out if you can live with the other person (and their baggage) for the rest of your life. You moved in and are now finding it's not a great situation for you. You're half in and half out and you have no leverage. That's why shacking up is not a good idea.

I’m on OPs side. SDs can be manipulative and passive aggressive. You guys are saying if she’s not outright rude and aggressive then it’s fine. I disagree. Hey stepmoms let’s be more empathetic with each other.

I stopped at "fiance is sole provider".  It's not "your" money, it's "his" money.  There's no excuse for a healthy adult to not be working.  It's ridiculous for someone with no earnings to complain about how someone else is "wasting" money.  SD has income, you don't.  That's absurd.  You're acting like she's being ungrateful for your hospitality, when she contributes to the household and you don't.  The entitlement here is staggering.  SD is a student and it is her father's house.  Get a job.