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Wedding Picture - do I have reason to be upset???

terrykirby55's picture

Very recently, my stepson got married.  Parents on both side were divorced.  His mom and I have been together for about 6 years.   Her son and I have had a wonderful relationship throughout the entire time.   When it came to taking photos, we were asked to be there 2 ½ hours before the ceremonies to take family photos and after the ceremonies were ushered off to take photos with the groom and bride.  I least I thought we were.    Photos of the bride and groom were taken with the bride’s parents, then the groom’s parents, and then it got tricky.    The bride and groom took picture with the bride’s mother and her new husband, then the bride’s father and his girlfriend, Then the groom’s father and his girlfriend.  Another words the groom’s mother and I were not given the opportunity to take pictures with the bride and groom.    When my wife asked her son when were we suppose to take pictures with them we were told that the bride was warm and that more pictures will be taken later and we could take them at that point.   Naturally, this never happened.    Later he apologized to his mother stating that his father pulled a fast one because he with his girlfriend nor his mother and I were on the list to have our pictures taken with the bride or groom.    This could be the straw that broke the camel’s back.    

Comments

twoviewpoints's picture

Disappointed, yes. Angry? Maybe. But at who would you be angry with? 

It would have made more sense to me to have left out the two GFs, than the one actual stepparent (you). Seems like a strange list to have been drawn up. 

Were there photos taken of just you and wife and then also groom with Mom and you? 

Did your wife (groom's mother) pay towards any of the wedding and/or pictures? Did the bride's parents? 

Unfortunately, weddings in stepfamilies tend to bring out these types of unexpected and hurtful actions. Some instances here on site have even had mother and stepdad or father and stepmom sit apart from each other. 

queensway's picture

The fact that the SS apolpgized to his Mum says a lot to someone like me. A least he was mindful of what just happened with the situation.

Some of us step parents were never even asked to be in pictures. Just the bio parents because that is the way the skids want it. It doesn't seem that way with your SS. This is something maybe you should just try to let go because it sounds like it wasn't SS's fault.

disrestep's picture

I think it is very rude and inconsiderate of the bride and groom to ask you and your spouse to arrive 2.5 hrs. early for the purpose of taking pictures and then not have you and your spouse take pics with them. It doesn't make sense to not take that one shot.

Just chalk it up as another case of the bride's self entitled attitude of she doesn't care about anyone except herself on her special day. I hope you did not contribute any money to this wedding, since they can't even include you in a photo.

Why couldn't  the stepson not ask the photographer to take a pic of you and your wife with just him, if he was so apologetic.

I guess I'd let it go, but keep an open mind to future exclusion behavior from the newlyweds. 

SacrificialLamb's picture

It sounds like there was no plan to have "step-others" of any sort involved in these pics. Sounds like one of the fathers actually put his foot down (doesn't happen much here) and said you will take a pic with my girlfriend and I. So then some of the other couples had pics taken and you guys got left out. Not sure how that happens when there was 2.5 hours beforehand for pics. 

I am a photographer and have taken pictures of my DH and his ex with their grandchildren. I really don't care; I am married to him, she is not and the fact is they are the grandparents (although I have no contact with that family anymore for other reasons).

Some people just don't include steps in their definition of family and that is their choice.  He could have apologized to you, but choose to keep it easy and just apologize to Mommy. My SD's have never apologized to me, just daddy, who they know will pat them on the back and accept whatever excuse they come up with. Keep it civil with him, focus on your relationship outside of her children and don't expect for him to consider you to be family. 

amyburemt's picture

The good thing is that your ss recognized the ignorance of this. Here's a thought/suggestion, what about asking for a christmas photo set to be done around christmas time with you , your wife, ss and ss wife? That way you have the family photo to hang on the wall.

notarelative's picture

Do you have reason to be upset? Yes, your feelings are yours, and should not be dismissed. You don't have to justify them.

But, you do have reason for hope also. SS apologized. Although he should have apologized to you too, his apology does show awareness of what happened. You can have some hope that, if SS really is aware of what happened, when the grandchildren arrive you'll be acknowledged as grandpa and not first name who happens to live with grandma. But, don't count on it.

still learning's picture

How especially sad for mom not to get a picture with the couple. I get that weddings are stressful and the bride was tired but one more minute was too much to pose for a photo?! Bridezilla had the final say with no regards to how your stepson felt or what he wanted. It sounds like this is all on her and she's a piece of work.  I feel sorry for her husband.  

You have every right to be upset... at the bride, your ss's only fault was not standing up to her.  

SacrificialLamb's picture

I think there is a chance that the SS wasn't even aware of what was going on. I could be wrong but I think the brides are more aware of the more minute details of how the wedding flows than the groom. 

CLove's picture

I feel that as the bride, she is typically the one who organizes all the details of her dream wedding and the groom shows up. You do not mention if you paid any $$$, but that doesnt really matter. As SIGNIFICANT OTHER, you are to be considered as important, and should have been included in the photos, and the bride should have included you in that "all important list".

However, what is done is done, right? Cant undo the past until time travel machines are readily available at a Walmart near you. They are currently not, so you must figure out how to move forward. Im not saying "move on" (I hate that phrase, 'you just have to move on!') or that you are petty for having these feelings and they certainly are awkward! Feeling like you have been singled out to be excluded, well that totally sucks! But if things with SS and his bride are great besides that, carry on! Allow them to make it up to you with a family Christmas photo as well as dibs on photos with any new babies (no blackmail is being suggested here...of course!)

Kee us posted!

terrykirby55's picture

I generally let Karma handle these situation.  

terrykirby55's picture

Thanks everyone for adding your thoughts, suggestions and insight to my issue.   Sounds like I'm definately not alone when it comes to these situation.  

Thanks again,

Terry

 

ESMOD's picture

Honestly, this is a situation where being kind and inclusive was basically not going to cost anyone anything significant.  One picture with every couple with the bride and groom(of the parents and their significant others).  The picture would have taken a moment but the hurt created by the exclusion would go on further.

Now, the tricky part is to figure out who was the source of this slight.  Was it the stepson.. unlikely as he probably wasn't involved in these type of details and honestly was probably too distracted by "the day" to notice that a photo wasn't taken and didn't know how to rectify it in the moment without causing an issue.  So, maybe his new bride set this in motion and did it unintentionally or intentionally because she has some weird idea of the proper set of pictures. 

Now, there was the matter of other people who did get photos but it sounds like those were done "off plan" and that by the time you all realized that you were missed.. the time was past where pictures would be taken.  Maybe the bride WAS overheated at that point.  But, the other couples pushed their way into the lineup early so they didn't get cut off.

Shoot, the mother in law may have been the one to set the pictures up and she doesn't like divorce so her goal was to exclude pictures that would highlight that?  It's really hard to say and I would probably try to put it behind me as an unfortunate oversight and try to move forward with the couple on a good foot.  Time will tell whether you need to take them off the christmas card list.

terrykirby55's picture

I kind of think it was the bride.  As my wife and I discovered over the past 2 year she been with my stepson she has been known to not show up for family dinner most recently Easter at the very last second.   There have been other unfortunate circumstances that have concerns with.   She comes from $$$ and I don’t believe she’s been told “NO” to many times in her life on top of that she’s somewhat attractive.   Oh well you know the saying “ when you marry for money you earn every penny”  Hope he married her for the right reasons.    I give it 5 to 7 yrs.