New mom to 2 month old boy, wondering if Dad has guilty Dad syndrome?
My husband and I just recently had a baby boy, and He has a 7 year old daughter from a previous marriage. I feel like my son is constantly being compared to her, and that my husband spends so much time being sad that she’s not there all of the time that he’s missing out on our son. He’s always saying well she did this when she was a baby, and she liked that... he won’t give up her baby clothes. I suggested that he keep a few things but that we donate the rest... he cried. We have boxes of her baby clothes and things. Just taking up space. I love my stepdaughter, but he doesn’t follow through on disciplining her. She gets her way the majority of the time, and if I suggest rules or a routine, I’m being too hard on her. He works and I take care of her. So, he gets to be the fun Dad, and I have to be the enforcer. I feel like their maid sometimes. He even asks her where she wants to go on vacation before asking me. I feel like our marriage is suffering.
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i feel so much similarity to your story
The only advice I can give is to try to talk about this stuff now before your step daughter gets older. In my life, it leveled out once my son got a little older but while he was a baby it was brutal. I feel like his time as a baby was ruined due to our disfunction with the step kids. Seek a counselor perhaps. That has helped us a lot.
Sounds like he definately
Sounds like he definately needs to seek counselling, especially since it is affecting your marriage and his ability to enjoy your baby (and perhaps be a parent to both your son and his daughter). Do you think he will agree, and can you afford it?
Thank you and not
Thank you and not presumptuous at all! I know it’s hard for him not having her with us all the time. But, that’s the reality. I am sympathetic when he misses her. I know it’s not easy (I’m a product of divorce as well). But, I wish he would enjoy the time we do have with her (which is half the week) but also enforce rules and a routine.
Little man is doing well. Smiling a lot! His big sister loves him.
I think Cracking Up nailed it -
I think Cracking Up nailed it -- a little grief on your husband's part about his daughter. And maybe it's coming to the surface now because of your son's birth. (Have we overlooked post partum depression in men, maybe?)
What if you try talking about how exciting it will be when your baby boy is old enough for SD to play with him, show him how to color or climb a tree? Maybe talk about how fun it will be to take them all swimming, to amusement parks, etc., when your boy is old enough. Show him SD is part of the family and there are things to look foward to.
Maybe he needs to be reminded that the four of you can have a life together, even if it's not full time. If you talk about it as if it's going to happen, maybe that will give him assurance he can have a normal life with SD (in spite of the limitations of part-time custody), but not totally lost to him.