SD is capable of doing laundry
SD ended up staying more than a week with us and BM told us to just keep her last night. Well last night was bath night, that SD took no initiative to do without being told of course, and she was told to do her laundry if she wanted clean clothes for next week. This was at 8pm after she said BM just wanted her to stay here.
830 comes around and no bath or laundry started. I ask DH if he is going to be up helping her do laundry at 11pm like she tried to do last time. He immediately yells at SD to get it started or she won't have clean clothes. When she asks for help, I tell him I've shown her twice and it's his turn. He was annoyed that she didn't know what to do after being shown two times.
So she didn't put her clothes in the dryer last night and DH did it for her this morning. I tell him to have her put them away before they leave because my mom and SF are coming to town on Thursday and are sleeping in her room and she'll be at BM's this week. Annoyed, he says he'll do it himself because he's ready to leave. I tell him ok, he can put her clothes away since he won't wait 5 minutes for her to do it.
Well she apparently didn't have any clean clothes to wear today and had to wait for them to dry to get dressed anyway. He checks them and tells her they're dry and she asks what to do next. Face palm. He tells her to remove them from the dryer, put them away, and get dressed. I knew he didn't want to do it for her but he wouldn't admit that to me.
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It was right around age 12
It was right around age 12 when I disengaged from laundry/hygeine stuff. I stopped worrying if they showered (in the boy's case, that meant riding in the car with all the windows down as far as they go). I stopped doing laundry, stopped making sure they had clean clothes, stopped nagging them to do it. If they were dirty and stinky, I didn't go anywhere with them.
Bonus: when I refused to wash his very capable kid's clothes, my DH started doing his own damn laundry! I think it was his way of pouting about it. First time in the 8 years I'd been with him by then lol. Double win for me. Oh no, baby!! Don't punish me like that!! Bwahahaha.
If DH wanted to do their chores, I let him. As long as it was done and I wasn't the one worrying/nagging about it, that was good enough for me.
You're getting there. Soon you won't even care if she has showered or has clean clothes. You'll be knee deep in baby vomit and piles of dirty onsies.
I sure hope by the time baby
I sure hope by the time baby comes DH is ready to take care of 2 babies. I don't understand how he is so oblivious to her care. Is it because I always made sure SD was taken care of and gave him a huge parenting break? SD has been told AT LEAST 3 times that she is to bathe every other day without having to be told. She knows she is responsible for her own laundry. If she runs out of clothes here, she just expects DH to take her to BM's for clean clothes. And he does.
And this child wants a dog of her own when her room is a pigsty and has to be reminded to bathe and wear clean clothes. Yes, yesterday she tried to wear a white t-shirt with food stains all over it to church.
Oh I know my DH was clueless
Oh I know my DH was clueless for so long because I did all of it for far too many years.
DH had to actually explain to an almost 14 year old SD why she couldn't wear SWEATPANTS with a hole in the side to a fancy dinner theater. She cried when he told her to change. SMH
She really cried? That would
She really cried? That would be enough to make me want to cancel the whole event. What is it with kids these days? A few weeks ago, I asked SD what she was taking in her backpack to summer camp and she didn't know because BM packed it for her. I asked her if she planned to check to at least know what she had on hand. Nope, lazy ass got sunburnt instead because she didn't check for sunscreen.
Don't do it anymore. I wouldn
Don't do it anymore. I wouldn't even remind her. If she wants to walk around with bad body odor and dirty clothes that's on her and her father. You'll see how after a few incidents things will change. You have a baby on the way, you don't have time to baby a 12 year old. She is more than capable if not she'll learn the hard way when she gets a nasty infection from not bathing and washing her clothes.
This is the girl who wants
This is the girl who wants her own dog. I know that I need to back off but I just can't understand why she has to be told to do every little thing and why DH doesn't notice anything.
Never do laundry for skids.
Never do laundry for skids. Period. If DH wants to, let him.
I refuse to. I'm sure he's
I refuse to. I'm sure he's confused why I do his laundry and don't just toss hers in but I actually expect her to have life skills by the time she moves out. I will not have a 20 year old college student lounging around our home not knowing how to wash a dish or do laundry. I won't raise my baby that way and I won't stand for SD to continue to be helpless her whole life.
Right?!
My formerSO thought I should just do all for his kid...and we would raise "ours" differently. I didn't... And he was mad he had to. Lol, why should I if he didn't want to???
His "logic" was he has a different mom and she never taught him that stuff. At the time we started disagreeing about it, the kid was 12 and he had been the CP for 2.5 YEARS. Why hadnt HE taught him, or at least started to? Because he didn't want him to get mad and go live with his mom like his daughter did....
DH is convinced that SD
DH is convinced that SD prefers to be here and *maybe* that's true, but I think SD prefers to be where she is most spoiled and gets her way. DH always says that OUR kids will be different, too, but why do you want an older child who isn't self sufficient just because her mother sucks?
Not only that...
But how are you going to have different rules and expectations for kids in the same house? And formerSS lived with dad full-time; he sometimes went to BM once a week (except holidays, you know so she could be MOTY).
I certainly wasn't going to do MORE for his kid, that was a JERK, than I would do for My own!
This is exactly the mentality
This is exactly the mentality I am going to have when baby comes. We are hoping for a girl and I know SD will be more interested and helpful if it is, but either way, my baby only has me for a mom and someone told me recently that SD already has multiple mother figures. I won't expend more energy into a child that isn't mine and hardly appreciates my efforts into wanting her to be a decent human being.
Good thing she is older because she wants to move out for college asap and our child will hopefully be young enough to not see the difference. I don't see DH changing his parenting now and I will expect much more out of our mutual child because I will have a say without feeling like I'm walking on eggshells or being unfair. DH thinks I just want to pick on SD when I have expectations and am being critical.
Preteens and teens need a
Preteens and teens need a healthy reminder that you do not work for them. The minute they assume that this is your main role in life, is the minute that you gladly hand over the laundry task to them. Hands up, step back, done.
Does she at least fold her clothes? Put them away?
Most of the time, my 4.5 “folds” her clothes, though half-assedly, but at least the effort is there. She all the time puts her clothes away, though.