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Should I raise the issue with the nice SD?

Too old for this's picture

Submitted by Too old for this on Wed, 06/06/2018 - 7:48am

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Adult Stepchildren

The SD in her 40s has hated me for years, since the day she met me.  Since I have disengaged, she has ratcheted up the vitriolic conduct.  Happily she lives overseas.

She and younger sister (in her 30s) who lives nearby  are very close. Although the hatred by her older  sister does affect our relationship,  she has always been civil - for which I am grateful.

I have never discussed the situation with the younger SD.  

Since the older one has upped the ante (absurd child-like behavior) I have noticed an increased distance and coolness from the younger.  

I do not want to put her in the position of speaking against or defending her sister and I    am inclined to leave well enough alone.  But would welcome thoughts/advice.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Submitted by SacrificialLamb on Wed, 06/06/2018 - 8:51am

My situation is similar to yours. Or was. My YSD has confided in me frustration with her older sister's behavior, how she was always in her shadow, how OSD always has to have her way.  I listened and was friendly, but knew that despite what she said, the siblings were close.  And in time, YSD showed that despite what her sister does to her, she will always side with her against the Family Intruder, me.  Recently I defriended and blocked YSD and SIL on Facebook after discovering that they were gossiping about my family with OSD and BM.....hurtful and mean, when they have not seen this family member in 15 years. 

If you discuss the situation concerning your OSD with your YSD, it will get to OSD immediately. She will be filled with glee that she is getting to you.  Don't give her that satisfaction.  Keep a friendly - but not too close - relationship with YSD. It could change immediately. 

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 06/07/2018 - 4:19pm

I would just ask them both (separately) their thoughts on  how to improve the relationships.  No need to criticize the elder to the  younger but asking is the adult thing to try.  If  YSD cops a case of the ass over your questions... that is her problem.  As for theelder.... record the discussion for both posterity and to be able to demonstrate that you approached it calmy while OSD behaved as she will behave.

Good luck.