I think SD told BM about our arguement
DH took SD to BM's this morning to stay with GBM and the toddler since he worked half the day and after me telling him that I didn't want SD here when he wasn't here last night. DH threw and broke my phone last night and shattered the screen in our arguement. It is totally damaged. So today when he got home, I asked to use his phone to call to make an insurance claim. There was a 4 minute call to BM 30 minutes before he got home. I checked his texts to see if anything was said, but only texts to SD. SD told DH that BM wants to "talk" to him and when they got home, I was in the kitchen doing dishes and said hello to SD. She breezed right by me, threw something in the trash, slightly mumbled something under her breath that may have been a "hi" and locked herself in her room.
DH claims it was nothing about me but I have reason to believe that SD told BM or GBM something about me and/ or our arguement and I'm the only one paying for it. Am I being paranoid? For those of you that will jump me for checking his texts, I don't care. I just feel like SD said something and that is why she was giving me the (extra) cold shoulder. I came to work this afternoon and won't be back until later this evening and he says he'll "tell me when I get home." I can't deal with this anxiety right now.
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Trust your instincts
I am sorry you have to deal with all that, throwing things is not okay. Regarding SD, I would assume she told BM, GBM and anyone who would listen. I don’t think you should be too embarrassed though, your DH probably showed similar behavior in arguments with BM. SD probably wants her parents back together deep down, and resents you anyway. Bottom line, ease your mind, try to focus on what a catch you are and relax, so you can listen and respond from a place of calm logic and power.
Thank you for your kind words
Thank you for your kind words. I don't know if DH and BM got into heated arguements because he said they pretty much never talked. I don't know what to believe. Even a year or two ago, SD12 said something about she doesn't understand why her parents aren't together. BM did tell SD that she cheated and is the reason they aren't together, but SD seems to have forgotten that and I didn't want to be the bad guy and remind her. I am a COD and I never wished my parents were together because I knew that there was a really good reason why they weren't so I think it's just just childish at age 12 when I've been in her life for almost 8 years now. I would think that SD would catch on that BM is emotionally and verbally abusive but she'll definitely always side with her over me, of course.
Same boat. It sux.
Always heartbreaking to see BM yank SS18 back for more like a disposable yo-yo.
I'm sure it confuses the heck
I'm sure it confuses the heck out of SD to be told that dad is a POS for 4-7 years, but now that 50/50 suits BM, she is all up DH's ass. So pathetic and annoying.
I would be surprised if she
I would be surprised if she didn't tell mom what happened. It normal for kids to dismiss things like that with their parents. I'm going to assume mom wanted reassurance that things were resolved/under control.
But she and SF can fight and
But she and SF can fight and DH minds his own damn business. I love the double standard. When they were on vacation to Disneyland in October, GBM told SD that she walked in on SF "attacking" BM. That is much worse than a verbal arguement and SD didn't witness the phone being broken. In that case that GBM witnessed, the kids were just the next room over and I'll be willing to bet that GBM walked in on them because it was quite a distraction.
If I were a kid (pre-teen)
If I were a kid (pre-teen) and heard the battle from h*ll between my Dad and SM up to and including things being thrown, yeah, I'd be upset and talk to my mother about it to.
It wasn't just an argument, one of it's main topics was SD. Of course the kid is p*ssed at you. You declared her banned from your home unless her father is physically present. The kid isn't an adult. She doesn't think like an adult and if she hasn't heard these types of tirades many times before (if ever) between her father and you, yeah she's going to blame you for the fight. This is her father, loyalty and all that jazz.
On top of that, she very well had BM and/or GMA questioning as to what the h*ll happened. They send the kid for the week and suddenly battle royal is raging and kid is sent home (albeit, for the day hours). Of course they are rethinking this 50/50 , the stableness of your home environment and what the kid is being exposed to.
Honestly, it would not matter what kid did or didn't do or what Dad did or didn't do to perhaps bring the fight on. You very well may have had genuine reasons and points in confronting your DH. However none of that is going to matter in SD's, BM's, nor GBM's eyes. Especially when you and DH touted yourselves the superior parents and how terrible things were over at BM's and all the fighting their home does with SD.
The fight should not have taken place with SD present in the home. Even if that meant DH and you had to step out and go for a walk or drive over to DH's shop for a short while. What has now happened has given BM and GBM lots of ammo.... so yeah, in everyone's eyes (meaning the two homes) you are the b*tch.
It's too bad it happened and I'm sorry you're going to be the one to feel the heat of the fall out. IMO I think you got a taste of what has been happening over at BM's house between SD, BM and SF.
BM and your DH have raised a little brat. SF and you are paying the price and taking the blame.
Seriously? I used Sd's cellphone until you get your phone replaced.
SD didn't know that the fight
SD didn't know that the fight was about her. My aunt took her to a movie and her back at 1am which was much later than expected. I actually defended SD and DH wasn't going to let her go but he ended up giving in. She didn't witness the phone being broken and just knows that we argued loudly from our room before going to bed. I slept on the couch. DH claims what he and BM talked about for nearly 5 minutes and what SD texted him about had "nothing to do with me" so I'll guess I'll see when I get home. I am sick of always being a loser in these mind games.
So SD tells both parents
So SD tells both parents about arguments/fights that occur during her visits? I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
Just because dad doesn't question mom about what SD tells him, or doesn't express concern about how they impact SD, doesn't mean mom is obligated to do the same.
Based on the information given, mom did what any normal parent would do. She went straight to dad for clarification on something SD shared with her.
DH claims it wasn't but I
DH claims it wasn't but I have a hard time believing that. I hope he tells me the truth when I get home if he decides to say anything at all.
Just speaking as an observer,
Just speaking as an observer, meaning that sometimes when we're in the middle of a situation, we don't see it clearly- does it concern you that your husband broke your property? I personally don't think that it matters what SD may or may not have told BM. It does matter that your DH esalated to the point where he's damaging your belongings on purpose.
This ^^^^^^^^
This is what stuck out for me. Damaging property is domestic abuse. You both need counseling (separately, couples counseling is ineffective in abuse situations) and you should check in with either a local women’s shelter or the national domestic abuse hotline to find out if there are any other red flags in your relationship.