I had high school friends who thought it was more important to become unwed teen moms with no plan and no support from the baby's fathers than go to college and be able to be self sufficient, working toward a career. We are no longer friends. I will not support someone who thinks that living on assistance and crying "poor me" their whole life is acceptable.

You can't do anything for her if she won't do it herself. She is an adult and needs to learn to act accordingly. It took me until I was 25 to decide I needed a career and not just a job so I went back to school. But DH and I have prevented pregnancy thus far because we know a baby shouldn't be added to our to-do list for now.

My SD is also a great disappointment. Got pregnant at 17 (on purpose), quit school, got married, had another kid a year after the first.

She is now 26, lives off of social services (in a crappy, crappy apt. complex), was left by the husband, who sometimes pays CS and sometimes doesn't, and she is pregnant with her loser criminal boyfriend's baby. She thinks her life is great. It's really sad.

My DH has tried getting through to her, we have tried to help her and guide her in the right direction but it has been pointless. She is lazy and just refuses to work, and has refused our help to help her get a job.

So, I just wonder what, exactly, is "the bottom" for her? She's always broke, won't get a job, but wishes she had a house and a nice car and all of the things that DH and I WORK for. I guess she's just waiting for us to die, as she thinks she will get our house and everything else. DH pretty much laughed at her when she told him that.

Her BF is a bigger loser than she is and treats her like crap, but she has no desire to do better in that respect, either.

I just sit back, shake my head, and sigh. I do feel bad for DH, though.

I have a HUGE soapbox about people who purposely try to live off social assistance.

Sorry, but a portion of MY HARD-EARNED MONEY gets taken AWAY FROM ME and put towards supporting these lowlifes.... so d@mn straight I have a right to be upset about it...

You need social assistance? Fine. Use it. That's what it's there for.

Living off Social assistance shouldn't be a d@mn CHOICE, it should be a temporary last resort. Social assistance isn't there as a career choice.

People who make a living being on social assistance (as opposed to going out and supporting themselves) are the lowest of the low, with parents using it instead of working not too far behind. A support system system shouldn't be used due to a person's choice to have a child.... if they can't afford to have a child, perhaps they shouldn't have one.

Tiger in your last paragraph you asked 'how do you get through to a kid like this".  

I will be blunt.....everyone must stop trying to make her do 'anything'. It is clear she has made decisions all on her own in spite of solid advisement and guidance from level headed loving adults.

SHE has good role models in you and dh as well as your kids who are jetting off around the world this summer.  By the way traveling is  going to be wonderful for them. We fully support traveling here in this home. ITS" GREAT!!!!

On ST I refer once in awhile to Dr. Laura--- She  gets enough phone calls from parents just like you who are trying to make an adult kid turn it around. 

"WHAT can I do,,what can WE do". It is easy to hear the distress in the parents voices.

Dr. Laura tells them.........LET HER GO. She is 18, she is an adult LET HER GO and LET her alone. Don't give her money...don't give her a place to live...and DO not let her work in the family business (if applicable)

If she becomes pregnant...wants to move to your house. The answer is NO--NO NO NO...(you do not tell a adult kid why you said no either) HERE is what we will do for you missy, here is the phone number for social services, want adds for jobs and want adds for rentals. Also tiger,  Don't co-sign for loans and don't co-sign for rental leases.  BIG no no.

When she decides to use her baby as a pawn and bargaining chip "Since you wont give me money OR let me move in you will never EVER see your Grand child'.....Your reply is: OK, I hate that for the innocent baby.---- Turn around and Walk away. And never let anyone abuse you and dh like that,,,never never never. IF you do, you will be 6ft under, broke and with broken hearts.

IF she wants to get married to the dude you don't like, wants daddy'o to help pay.  Say sorry I can not attend a wedding for a marriage I do not support. Nor will I help pay for it.  Send a toaster to her, or coffee maker. Or 100.00 if you can afford it. 

A few years ago Tiger we became Grandparents. Bio married the best in-law kid ever. 

I don't look OR feel like one, but my bio tried to pull the 'if you don't want to a babysitter for us I GUESS you wont see your Grandchild ever again".... It took a blink of my eye  for me to say: "OK I guess we wont see our Grandchild ever again". CRICKETS on the other line.

Bio expected me to melt and cave into their  demands.  Total silence on bio's end. Before I hung up I told my bio- don't you ever EVER say that again.

LOVE LOVE LOVE our Grandchild---tons of fun. best part is we give the Grandchild back.  Adult BIO has total respect for our GRANNY and GRANDPA role that would have been out the door IF I didnt say: OK, guess we wont see our Grandchild ever again.

Bring this full circle Tiger.....you can not make her do anything. SHE has to make that decision. 

Hope it helps just a little...

Goodluck

I agree. In some instances you just have to let go of the rope and hope she comes around to her senses.

I blame shows like Teen mom, who encourage this behaviour by showing a 'celebrity'  lifestyle rather then actually showing what having babies is really like.

But having said that I would stop doing anything for her, if she decides to visit then do normal things.  Don't give her treats by going places.  What incentive does she have to improve when can misbehave then still get treats from dad when she see him.