True, this is a place to vent but those kids are very young for you to feel so anti. Their parents have brought them up with 'attachment parenting' which you dont agree with (personally i think it's rubbish too) so you have a lot to contend with.

I think you need to really consider whether this relationship is right for you. 

Get out now if you are not married. I hate to sound negative,but those kids will never learn to be good kids, if they have crappy parenting. Save yourself years of frustration and heartache....look at all the blogs and forums here of people that have gone thru this for years, and are still miserable. In my situation, it never got better, and my stepson is 39 yrs old...it just developes into different issues....

sounds to me like the kids aren't the only ones with attachment/spoiled issues. YOUR partner and his ex share a Netflix account? Do they share anything else? Bank accounts? Amazon? Cars? 

You can’t blame mom alone for this behavior. Your partner is just at fault and just as able to change it. Problem is he doesn’t seem to want to and you’re not going to be able to do it on your own.

They are young enough and your partner has enough time that the children could easily learn how to behave better but if nothing is done nothing will change.

You need to have a sit down with your partner and decide how you guys are going to approach this. If you don’t like his answers then you need to decide if you want to stay in this home with these children. If he gives you answers you like then give it a little while to see if he follows through with your assistance. If not then again you have to decide if you’re ok living this way.

Basically these kids are going to be in your life for at least the next 16 years. They will only get worse and your resentment will only get worse if nothing changes. You have to decide if it’s worth it.

You are 25 years old!  What are you thinking tying yourself to a man so much older than you with kids?  Seriously, you are sooo young with your whole life ahead of you. Get out now. You think you are so in love, but I guarantee there is a lovely 25-30 year old man out there without children that will win your heart. Just look around you and accept that the next 16-20 years MINIMUM will center around those girls you despise. And by the time you throw your hands up and say I want out, you will be HIS age and 99 percent of the men will be divorced with children. Do yourself a big favor and start an exit strategy NOW!

If your BFF came to you with this scenario what advice would you give them?  

My advice, coming from someone who was a young stepmother who had to deal with infancy all the way to 6 and counting...I would say: the children are a result of their parenting. They will NOT change until their parenting changes. That boils down to dad and mom and maybe you if dad will back you (but don’t do anything he doesn’t do because that’s setting yourself up). Ask your partner what bothers him about his kids then actively sit down and research parenting ways together. 

Now how to deal with the whining and dramatics...when my skid would come back from his mom’s desperate for attention and acting out in the form of screams and tantrums, I simply laughed at him. (My husband also was on board with this technique) Once you point out to a kid how ridiculous they look throwing tantrums they tend to be more conscious of it. Stil tell them “no” but thank them for their performance. Another tactic we used was recording. When I was left in charge of my skid without his dad there to witness, I would record skid. He would ask why I was recording him and I would tell him it’s for his dad to see later. He would stop then. Sometimes he would stop because he didn’t want his dad to see him throwing a tantrum (time out to his room usually followed that) or he would get so caught up in watching himself (I had my phone on the selfie mode so he could see himself on the screen) that he would start making funny faces or try to find angles to hide or start talking about something and watch himself. 

Those babies are so young that they have had so much upheaval in their lives, it is no wonder they cry! They have a dad who doesn't care and are shuffled between 2 houses for 1/2 a week each week. That is so much on them! If you are going to be in a realtionship with a man with toddlers you are going to have to find a way to cope and be there for those babes. If attachment parenting is what their parents decided- try picking them up and hugging them if they cry. Attachment parenting doesn't mean no discipline, no boundaries or no rules. 

TBH, this sounds like a disaster that is going to harm those kids. If you aren't willing to be a better role model and parental figure in the house to them, you need to leave. They are just toddlers. They don't know what they are doing. Try reading some parenting books, taking a child psychology course to understand them better. Something. I am usually all about disengement or telling your partner to step up, but these kids are still so young and impressionable. They know that they aren't loved by you, that will cause major damage to them in life. 

I have a 2 year old and we are not using this "attachment parent" stuff. But guess what? He's a whiney, tantrum throwing, toddler. He will cry if i leave the room. He only has about 15 words, so most of his "talking" is nonsense and he acts like a "big baby." That's age two. The things you describe are normal for their ages.

Your BF has them half the time, so you can't blame their behavior on the bm. And I cant even imagine kids that young trting to adjust to two homes. 

I don't think this is the relationship for you. Clearly you have very little experience with toddlers and you have interesting expectations for their behavior.