A break-up is a break-up,isn't it? Meeting half-way is often what men say but really they just want things their way. Maybe I'm bitter, but my 'Ostrich' wants us to separate but won't do anything about making it happen- if it does it will be because I'm sick of all the compromising and there will be no going back. I've done it a few times in my life and every time it has made me a stronger, better person. I'm not dead yet-neither are you. Live your life!

OOps! I just liked my own comment- didn't mean to do that!

While I know it may be extremely difficult to do, stay true to REALLY focusing on yourself during this time. So often we are held back by the hope that men give us about coming back “one day”. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you today - right now. I’m not saying that you guys will never get back together but it will only hurt you more if you hold on to that hope instead of building a life on your own. Work on you, for YOU. If he fits back into your life one day, then great. If not, someone will love and appreciate you for who you are. But right now make sure you love and appreciate yourself enough first. I hope you feel better and the transition is a smooth one for you. Good luck!

'we could see things more clearly and see what we can give or take from this relationship'

Surely you've already done this, it hasn't worked so you've split up, if you revisit it you'll probably find you're give/take threshold will be lower than it was in the first place.

You're doing the right thing looking after and being kind to yourself.

Here's my translation of what he said.

Him: He truly believes that after this uprooting pain and anger goes away, we could see things more clearly and see what we can give or take from this relationship. Maybe 'meet half way'.

Translation: After you finish being "emotional," YOU will see what a great guy he is and you will want to get back together with him.

If he wanted to compromise so that you would be happier, he would have already done that.

Take care of You. That's all you need to focus on. Not some "someday, maybe."

I vote love.

Love. 

Pain is a reminded of what's happened although in the long run that period of hurt can spur you on to better things.

That’s a difficult question because everyone is different. In my experience, the pain begins to fade (even though right now it may seem like it’ll hurt forever) and once you realize that life DOES actually go on without that person, you gain clarity. Clarity about your feelings for the person and clarity about the situation. And I’m sure in this case, love or not, you will realize that you deserve better. I know that everyone says that, but...YOU REALLY DO! Stay strong, you can do this!

I think pain fades first, then love. As mentioned above, waning pain brings clarity, but it also allows all other emotions to flood back - including happiness and want for the past. If love waned first, people wouldn't go back to their exes; they would be done and gone forever if the love faded before the pain.

While you are hurt and the wound is raw, right down EVERY REASON why breaking up is a good idea. List everything, no matter how petty. Once the pain subsides and he either tries to smother back in or you feel weak, read that list. Put yourself back in the mindset you were in when those things occurred. Remember that you'll feel ALL of that again, and that the next time you break up, if you go back, that the list will just grow.

When I left my XH, the love stuck around a lot longer than the pain did. When I finally was able to shut down my feelings (he said one last disrespectful thing to me) of love, I lacked emotion for him. Anger crept up every once in a while, but the only reason he got that last chance to be disrespectful was because the pain had left, he sweet talked me, and I still lived him. I would have saved myself one last awful memory of him if I would have reminded myself why I left in the first place.

Love fades first.

But consider the source of that opinion: as soon as I got even a whiff that someone didn't want to be with me, I'd move on.

Look at it as a purely practical issue. Why try to make this fit when it's so much work? When he expects so much compromise? This is the beginning - do you want to work this hard at your primary relationship for the rest of your life? Think of how many vacations, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays will be lessened as your work through the same old problems you had from the start. There are so many people out there - surely another one will be a better fit than trying to squeeze this square peg into this round hole. There's nothing wrong with you. You're great. But he's a dud.

I'd been dating Eric Epstein for months when he absolutely crushed my soul right there in the middle of our dinner date - he casually mentioned he would never marry anyone who wasn't Jewish. I don't think he knew it, but I was DEVASTATED (and not Jewish)!!!!! I ended it the next day, but pined over him for years and wondered if I'd ever get over him. And then one day I realized I hadn't thought about Eric Epstein for years. I'm not sure what I ever saw in him in the first place now! 

The crushing dump happens to everyone at least once in their life. I say go out, get your hair done, get some new clothes, hit the gym. Go scan prospects with your best single friend. The best way to get a guy back is not to want them back.

you never would have left and he never would have let  you go.

You have done the hard part.  Now stay the course and live your life for your own happiness.  Never again settle for a relationship that does not prioritize  you and your partner over all else including children regardless of the biology of any children in the picture.

I have Rags' three day rule which I have not spoken of in quite a while on STalk.  It is time to review Rag's Three Day Rule.

Rags' Three Day Rule of Universal Relationship Break Up Truth.

1. Breakups only hurt the worst for 3 days. After day three things get a little less painful until, eventually days down the road there is only the rare occasional cringe worthy memory. 

             1a.UNLESS....  you re-engage. In which case start the whole process over from the beginning.

2. Re-read 1 and 1a above.

And that is Rags' three day rule of universal relationship break up truth.  I formulated this in my younger dating years and confirmed it unequivocally during my first marriage. Had I stuck to this rule I would never have had my first very unfortunate laps in judgment marriage to my cavern crotched skank whore of an XW.  She broke up with me about a year before we married and I just kept being a part of her life.  It was like we never broke up.  Had I stuck to my rule... I would have saved myself a ton of heart ache, money, and wasted time that I could have been having a blast and dating a ton more gorgeous amazing women.

So, take care of you, stick to your guns, and keep taking those daily steps past day three to rediscover the j_a_g you like being. And keep beating yourself over the head with 2. It is key to the rule.