Visitation/cutody schedules
FH received a message this morning from BM asking if he would be willing to look at changing our current custody arrangement, right now we have 50/50 custody with a 4/3/3/4 schedule, meaning we have SS10 every weekend. She still wants 50/50, but she says due to her new job and the hours she works she doesn't see SS very often. I am all for changing the current arrangement, and so is he, we (he and I) had actually talked about going to a 4/4 schedule when the new school year started in the fall.
The 4/4 schedule would be hard, but not impossible right now because we live in different school districts. It would mean finding after school care for him now, rather than in the fall. We also planned some outings which we have bought tickets for, thinking we would have him on weekends, going to the 4/4 schedule, I can not make it work so he is able to go with us. We have learned that any deviation in the schedule causes problems, so I do not want to "make exceptions" so he can come with us.
I'd like to hear some other schedules that you are using, or have used, that are still 50/50, and if there were pros and cons to them. I feel like the ball is in our court right now, and I want to make the best choice for us.
Thanks 
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I've always been a fan of
I've always been a fan of this one: https://www.google.com/search?q=2-2-3+custody+schedule&source=lnms&tbm=i...
Ex and I initially did week on/off and I did not like it at all. I guess it's good for stability but #1 I didn't like being away from BS for a week. Ex felt the same way.
We did the 2-2-3 for a bit and I liked it because it rotated weekends and we still got days during the week and it didn't feel like so long in between visitation. BS was in kindergarten though when we did this so not sure how it would work with school now.
Now I have BS 90% of the time 8)....
We were every other week for
We were every other week for a few months (when BM lived with her parents and they were doing all the childcare). Besides just being with us full time, that seemed to work out the best for the girls. They weren't being displaced every few days, and had a VERY consistent schedule so they knew one week here and one week there! (everything else was a mess, but since the ex's sister and SM were taking care of the girls we at least knew that was happening!)
Personally, I would think at
Personally, I would think at least every other week would be the easiest for everyone.. in fact.. every two weeks would be even better and might be possible as the child would age and the parent without custody could still have meaningful contact during the off weeks through phone/email/facetime etc...
A way to make it not be that long between seeing one parent or the other.. a midweek dinner with mom/dad could also be worked into a system. My week you get wed from 430 to 730 for example and vice versa.
My SO and his ex do a 2/2/5/5
My SO and his ex do a 2/2/5/5 schedule, which essentially means he has them Monday, Tuesday and every other weekend. They think the kids (youngest is 2) are too young to do EOW. This is a nice schedule, as it gives each parent a nice chunk of time with the kids, and then a nice break, in a 2 week period while not keeping the kids from seeing the other parent for more than 5 days. but wouldn't solve the problem of being in different school districts, though
The more I am looking at this
The more I am looking at this schedule, the more I think this would work. Even though we do not live in the same school district, my FH does work in his school district, and SS can take the bus to his work, and wait for me or his dad to get him.
What are the drawbacks, if any of this? Have you had any?
I don't think they've had any
I don't think they've had any problems with this schedule. However, they parent cooperatively so if they need to make a change to the regular schedule it's not a big deal. For instance, SO and I wanted to take the kids on vacation for a week last month. We could only do that if his ex traded days with him or gave up her days that week. She agreed to it right away, because she wanted the kids to have the vacation. He's done the same for her.
For school age kids our
For school age kids our mediator recommended every other week with a dinner visit. We have Monday drop off at school to Monday pick up at school and Wednesday upon release until 8pm on the opposite parents week. This has made it easy for SD10 to understand consistently. She knows Monday is a switch day and Wednesday is a visit day. The full week does make it easy to schedule vacations without a hassle of switching or making up time. The mid week visit is skipped during vacations but we allow facetime or phone calls.
Your mediator is an idiot-
Your mediator is an idiot- the 'dinner visit' disrupts the entire week....OMG. Everything else is great.
I don't know. We do week on/
I don't know. We do week on/ week off with a dinner visit every Wednesday and my kids love it. We just added the dinner visit laat year and they say it makes going back and forth much easier.
For
For
Honestly? I think parents
Honestly? I think parents that do 2/2/3/3 5- 3/4 bullcrap whatever do it for themselves and not because it's best for the kids. Their own feelings take front seat.
There is no way, even if a kid does adjust that this kind of back/forth/multiple days in week transition is good for stability, routine, etc.
BOTH parents deserve and SHOULD have weekend/down time with their kids to do FUN stuff-not just day of week chores/homework, etc. They need that time to bond, travel, have fun, take a trip-
Go with week on week off/ as for the parents-they can SUCK IT UP when it comes to missing little Timmy and do what's best for HIM.
I'd trade off Monday at school if it were me.
So you take him to school Monday am BM picks up and starts her time, the following Monday you guys pick up.
Again, this is NOT about the parents- I have spoken to PLENTY children of divorce and they hate broken up schedules-I don't care what age they are. It gives consisten if a parent needs to discipline/take away priviledges, get use to the other house rules.
After visitation kids take a day or two to decompress and adjust to new home/new rules/new adults/new routine- by the time they adjust they are going back. I can't fathom why judges even allow this kind of insane schedule to appease grown as* adults who can't live a week w/out the kid. Seriously, it's disturbing. Let the kid have 1-1 time w/his home/other parent w/no calls for a week then the same for you.
We do 5:2 during the school
We do 5:2 during the school year which is difficult because we work during the week when SS is in school (homework and after school activities) and then BM gets weekends so she gets to do all the fun stuff with voluntary school participation on her part. During the Summer it’s 7:7 and transitions for SS6 are harder. He gets worked into living one way then has to take double the recovery time to reset to our house rules.