I'm confused I thouht this was a safe place to vent...i
I'm sorry but I thought this blog was a judgement free safe haven where you could vent? But judging by some of the cruel and sh*tty comments I guess I was wrong. I'm not necessarily asking for advice as much as I want my feelings validated. So when you compare me or anyone else to "a crazy bm" I feel attacked not welcomed here. Perhaps I misjudged this sites helpfulness. Perhaps if you don't have anything positive to add to someones situation you shouldn't contribute at all. This could just be me though....seeing as my reactions are on par with "crazy bm's". Just a thought and I could be wrong and if I am I'm sure it will be pointed out to me. :?
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I posted something similar to
I posted something similar to this recently. I completely agree with you. I am venting and if you don't have anything nice to say then you don't have to be a bitch about it. I get personally attacked quite often too. Some people think they know me and my situation based on one situation and people are all of a sudden high and mighty and know what's best for me. When I comment on people's posts, I would never post anything mean or disrespectful.
It boggles my mind!
Stay strong girl, there are some decent, nice girls on this site!
There is a way to give advice
There is a way to give advice without being completely disrespectful. Being a jerk comes naturally to some people, I just don't know why some people are jerks to strangers obvioulsy going through a hard time.
You're absolutely right. I
You're absolutely right. I like to think I have thick skin but sometimes I dont. I didn't mean I EXPECT people to be nice on here, I just wonder what drives people to be so rude all the time to complete strangers. But that's just the way some people are and I just have to deal with it.
Perfect parents/stepparents
Perfect parents/stepparents with perfect husbands all who can do no wrong. Or maybe their own lives are so shitty they want to bring others down too?
I completely agree, when you
I completely agree, when you post about a problem, 1/2 people support while the other 1/2 bash you.. dont quite understand it..
I am soooooooo sorry you feel
I am soooooooo sorry you feel this way, it hasn't always been this way. I've been here for a few yrs now & sadly I rarely post anymore as we DO have at least 3-4 people who DO attack & frankly bully people!!! I'm not too convinced in fact that they aren't the same poster with perhaps a few aliases? I wonder if they are. Heck, ones not even a SM!! Why is she here?!?
Lastly. People come here to VENT!! Not to come here for these attackers to tell the person they are wrong & they (the attackers) are right. What happened to if you can't say something nice.....
Sure, some will try to say its constructive criticism-- I call BS on that!!! Nope, perhaps it makes them feel self righteous to exert their inner bully on an online VENTING site- not IRL!!! Just cause someone posts a VENT does NOT mean they want you (the bullies) to remind them if what they said & pick it all apart- 3 posts ago!!!! No sure why they even come here- cause the seem to think their perfect & they have perfect lives!!!! Lmao. If they did- then they wouldn't need to come here, to put others down- in order to make themselves feel good about themselves!!!!!
Bullies is the perfect word
Bullies is the perfect word for some people on here. I am seriously surprised some of these people aren't also being the grammar police and correcting every single spelling mistake and then calling the person stupid.
Agree, its not the site it
Agree, its not the site it was 2 years back - but i learned to ignore those who bash, I get bashed enough here at home which is why I come here to let it all out - if folks here want to bash on top - I just ignore them
You can also just remove their posts from your blog.
I vent, I am often not even seeking advice anymore, I used to, but now I feel I have tried just about everything and just need to vent as I really am no longer trying to improve my relationship with my skids or blend.
Vent away sister!!
Had to add:: some of us DO
Had to add:: some of us DO come here just to vent & release. NOT so we can be out down, rediculous & bashed.
Snickers gal- yes, sure, people have different views & opinions & it's OK to state yours, however, that is NOT what we are talking about. One poster/replyer today HAS way overstepped her bounds by flat out being horribly disrespectful. Wait till it happens to YOU & you'll feel differently. This certain poster- thinks she is perfect & has a perfect life. I guess we are all stupid then? & if her life is soooo perfect & she's got this step life down to a science--- why is she here?
(Btw- snickers gal is NOT who I'm referring to))
Some have taken it to a whole new level, way past just giving their opinion--- & it's driving both newbies & others like me who have been here years- away. She is a BULLY!!
I think I know who you are
I think I know who you are referring to.
To the OP-- one thing to keep
To the OP-- one thing to keep in mind. If you write in blog form- you have the ability to "delete" rude & offensive comments. That's what I do!!
stepmomto3bioto1- you took
stepmomto3bioto1- you took the words right out of my mouth!!
Why thank you Dawn!!! .
Why thank you Dawn!!! ;).
I completely agree with you
I completely agree with you and am so sorry you have gotten bashed by the bullies on here. It's why I come and go but there are some really helpful posters as well!
It's actually sort of
It's actually sort of fascinating when you think about it. They write pile upon pile of words to try to convince someone they suck. Makes one wonder why they go through so much effort just to start a fight. I picture them as little gremlins sitting behind their computers with steam coming out of their ears...typing typing typing. It's pretty funny.
I picture them as crabby old
I picture them as crabby old hags with warts all over and want other people to be just as miserable as them.
Totally agree with you
Totally agree with you girls!!! They know who they are too!!
A few months back a few of the "old timers" did indeed tell them off & some got booted off of the site for naming them personally in their blogs. So very very sad- as those women who left- had immense valuable knowledge that helped us all out. They had been thru it all & gave us all hope & strength.
So that's why I'm not naming who they are. But. One of them isn't even a step parent & never has been (not sure why she's even here), the other makes nasty snide remarks anytime they portray in their heads that the SMom doesn't like the kids (perhaps she's a stepdaughter herself- and is projecting her childhood onto these poor posters). She is ALWaYS negative. Even if she starts off being nice early on in your post, later she comes back to bite you in the butt), she's the Perfect Wife, Perfect SMom, Perfect Life ... Umm. Then why is she here? & why is she soooooooo hateful? Lol. Her life must NOT be good as she feeds on making lousy remarks& surely trying to tell us "the kids come first" babble. I think she must hate her life & we are a game to her. It's pathetic really.
Anyways, just try to ignore her & let her hang herself. Delete her/their entries off your blogs. I do!!!
Yes she is ALWAYS negative
Yes she is ALWAYS negative and in her comments she has to put the poster down in one form or another. In my posts she basically hints at the same things : my relationship is going to fail and I'm a bad mom and immature and stupid. Really? You know all that about me?
More food for thought...one
More food for thought...one of the people who wraps "some of the best advice" in barbed wire has posted under at least 5 screen names over the last few years. Wonder why that is...hmmm...
Not true. Be careful making
Not true. Be careful making these kinds of accusations.
In that case, it's even more
In that case, it's even more fascinating! Wow!
Right-so many people have
Right-so many people have noticed the similiarities, down to the number/gender of stepkids, the financial issues, etc.
That is fascinating that someone is THAT much like those other posters. Wow!
like I said up above, there
like I said up above, there is a way to give advice and try to help someone without being disrespectful and rude.
I say when you see those
I say when you see those certain people's names, go ahead and delete the comment.. Don't even bother reading it! Just throw out the trash honey
some of us are here to vent, listen and "understand" so stick around and ignore the BS!
>>>>>>>>so stick around and
>>>>>>>>so stick around and ignore the BS!
Hey, don't ignore me
Just kidding.
princess, i went thru your
princess, i went thru your blogs (only the past 3) to try to find what happened, but it looks like you must have deleted the offensive comments? i know who it was all the same. please don't leave because one crazy person likes to attack. it wasn't all that long ago that i was a favorite target. i just ignore her, and delete her comments. i don't engage. and guess what? she got bored and moved on. don't leave because of it. you have a right to be here and say how you feel. there are plenty more of us who care than there are of those who just like to cyberfight. if you don't respond and just delete the comments, she goes elsewhere because she thrives on the attention. she isn't going to stick around when she's being starved of that. you are better than her. please stay.
Once I deleted a bunch of
Once I deleted a bunch of nasty comments and all I got was "you obviously don't want to hear the truth" and other rude shit like that. And then they comment again saying "fine delete my comment blah blah blah" Maybe I deleted it cuz you're rude as fuck!
It gives me bad heartburn to go through and reread my old blogs.
Haven't seen the specific
Haven't seen the specific thread which prompted your post, but personally I do think that sometimes the most important/useful comments are not always the ones which simply cheerleader critical comments about stepchildren or partners. It's not always helpful to the stepparent themself to only get a lot of 'supportive' comments which just endorse their negative feelings about their stepchildren or partner, and you can end up feeling a whole lot worse about your situation because it seems even more dire and hopeless when 15 others stepparents have pointed out how horrible stepchildren are and how hopeless their partner is.
The 'yes i've been there, i know how you feel' comments are important, but there have been times when I've been on here and then gone spoiling for a fight with my husband because it's dredged up issues which were resolved a long time ago, or exaggerated my sense of self pity or resentment, and that's not healthy or constructive either. Although there's an awful lot of common patterns and behaviours, stepchildren are individuals and shouldn't all be tarred with the same brush. I've got 5, my feelings about each of them have changed radically over the years, currently I love 2 of them, like 1, am keeping 1 at a distance because they are very self destructive, and am very angry with 1 who has completely excluded me from their life. 2 years ago it was completely different!
When i found this site it was a revelation to find I was not alone and a lot of my feelings were common to this situation, not peculiar to me. But sometimes constructive comments from a different perspective which might challenge the posters view of a situation, can actually be helpful. Having said that it is all very much in the delivery, and rude, blunt or personally critical comments are not only hurtful they are also self-defeating, as no one wants to listen to advice which is expressed in a negative and unsympathetic way. There are some people on this forum who do not seem to be after a positive outcome from their comments, but unfortunately I think that happens on a lot of online forums now and this one is not immune. You just have to try and recognise the good advice, and filter out the destructive comments.
Constructive comments are
Constructive comments are Always appreciated by me & most of the posters here, new & old. I Want to hear people's opinions & try to resolve my own issues. So trust me, I was Not talking about that. I'm going to give examples of what I'm talking about. They are NOT the true quotes of anybody on here. I Repeat, these are not specifically anyone's- it's to illustrate my point. K?
*** Why are you coming here?!? You Refuse to take MY suggestions. You obviously don't want to solve any of your problems. If your Not going to listen to what I'm saying then your just beyond help.
Or things like:
**** perhaps your DH realizes you Hate your skids. I don't blame him. You need to get a divorce Your messing those poor kids lives up. You think everyone should change to what You want.
( when the stepmom said she Loves her skids & is just looking for advice from other smoms on how to get her DH to listen to her Very valid points!!!).
*****. For some reason a certain poster seems to latch on to certain other posters & ATTACK the poor, usually new, & just found this site, because the skids are giving the SMom hell. This poster ATTACKS these Smoms as Hateful Women who "are jealous" of their skids. When in reality they are looking to VENT & find commradary!!! Usually the truth in these circumstances lies in the DH Not backing up the SMom & giving her recognition or having the kids Behave!!!! This poster is running off people who need help!! Not MORE condemnation!!!!!
this poster takes it too far!!! & the other too only reply to start crap. Sorry. Calling it as I have seen it for months.
I couldn't agree more with
I couldn't agree more with everything you have posted to this comment thread, SMT3BT1. Especially the post about how people can delete the nasty comments off of their blog posts. That's one of the reasons why I stick to the blogs, if someone gets nasty in my comments thread, I delete the ish out of their nasty self.
I seriously get sooooo tired of those people on here. I don't get why they have to post any of their nastiness at all. When I read posts, if I don't have anything constructive to add to the conversation, I just move on and go find another post that I might be able to contribute to, even if it's just "ugh, I hear you on this, here's how this has happened in my experience so know that you aren't alone". But, without a doubt, I find their derogatory comments and shaming on so many of the posts I read. And, I think the fact that they only occasionally make a valid point only serves to vindicate all of the nastiness that they try to spread on here. It's like "OH, SEE I was right this ONE TIME, so I'm right ALL THE TIME!!!" They're like unruly children.
I used to never respond to these people, but, I've gotten really tired of seeing them bully other people on this site because they think that the people they're bullying are so horrible in their not-so-humble opinions. Now, I speak up even though I know it's stupid because all people like that really want is the attention anyway. But, I try to speak up when I see heinous f*ckery because it would be a damn shame for anyone on here who benefits from this site to buy into their bull, especially the more malicious bull, and question themselves or blame themselves for the situations they find themselves in.
And they always seem to feign ignorance or innocence when they're called on their BS. "Oh, no, I wasn't saying that/being rude/being mean/bullying this person, you're mistaken. I was being nice". But, they still get what they want if I or anyone else chimes in to point out what's wrong with what they said, because they get attention. It's what they crave.
They hide behind the anonymity that this site provides us for comfort, the anonymity that allows us to let our real feelings out about our situations and ask for help, advice, or validation that we're not alone, that we're not crazy for feeling the way we feel. They take advantage of that and the general fact that it is almost impossible to decipher intonation through a text-based conversation and abuse it to their own advantages. Deleting their comments is really the only way to deal with the haters. They'll keep posting and being nasty bullies, but, deleting them and depriving them of the attention is really all that can be done. And, yes, as one other comment said, they will get all defensive and nasty about it when you delete their comments. But, you just gotta delete, delete, delete.
They are trolls. Plain and simple. And if there is one thing that I have learned in the years I've been online, it's that you do not feed the trolls. Of course, the fact that we're all here making vague references to them on this thread is giving them some sort of attention...lol, but, what can ya do? We can vent about it, and delete the ish out of their nastiness.
"Welcome to the internet.
"Welcome to the internet. Please keep your hands and arms inside the cart at all times. Before exiting the ride, make sure to look around you and collect all of your belongings. The internet will not be responsible for any items that are lost or left behind. For the safety of yourself and our other guests, please, do not feed the trolls. And remember, enjoy your stay!"
Attempting- Thank You!! You
Attempting- Thank You!! You got exactly what I'm saying!!!
The other thing they do is go back & read your past posts & try to pick you apart. Like saying you once said this-- now your saying that-- your all lies or your now changing things to get ppl to back you up. Blah blah blah.
What is AMAZING is that they somehow are soooooo perfect that they have enough time to waste reading other posters blogs up to a year back. As IF they know you better then you know yourself or your situation.
My only intent with saying all this is: I'm Sick & Tired of watching them Running Off new people who should be able to VENT here. It's sad. Plus the ppl they ran off that had been here awhile. Sadly they were kicked out as they " outted " the bullies & they ran to Admin. Ummmm... Why are we allowing these bullies to Tarnish the Integrity of this VENTING site. This is a VENTING site for step parents- NOT yet Another place where we feel belittled for the StepHell we go thru. & lmao--- one isn't even a Steparent-- another is "Perfect" lol.
Haha, the one who isn't a
Haha, the one who isn't a stepparent (if I am correct in who you are talking about, which I believe I am) is the biggest troll of them all! She acts like she knows every damn little thing. Jumps all over you if she thinks you are generalizing anything and then makes sweeping and damaging generalizations herself. All while constantly shooting herself in the foot. But, then again, they all do that hahaha.
ETA: I'm just glad to see that it isn't just me fed up with them. I remember it was like, oh, a year ago or something like that when I posted something that got bombarded with nasty replies from trolls like them. I deleted the entire post and posted something similar to what princessmofo posted and I got an earful from people telling me to "grow up" and telling me that I was lucky that I posted it over a weekend or else I would have been devoured by the trolls.
Yesterday I posted something
Yesterday I posted something and one poster went back in my past blogs and was hell bent that my story had changed, which it hadn't. You dont know me. You don't know my life. You don't know my situation.
These people think they are so perfect and right all the time and everything I say or do is wrong and I'm a bad mom and my relationship is doomed. Ummm you know all that about me when all I said was a couple tiny paragraphs?
When I post a comment to someone's original post, I would NEVER belittle them or condescend or be rude. Would you talk to a stranger on the street that way??
The way that they behave is
The way that they behave is absolutely deplorable. As if it is not enough to be nasty, mean, and rude when commenting on someone's blog, but, to try to pick that person apart and attack everything they have said in one swoop? Ugh.
The sad thing is that I think these people probably would be that rude to a stranger on the street. Though, they'd probably be more covert about it since there is only so much anonymity when one is face to face with a stranger versus hiding behind a computer screen. That and a stranger on the street can pop you in the mouth for going off on them.
They probably don't have any
They probably don't have any friends cuz they are rude as hell. And the reason their husbands and skids hate them is cuz they are rude as hell. They are so miserable that they need to come on here and spew all their hate to complete strangers to make themselves feel superior. Makes me sick.
I wouldn't doubt that. At
I wouldn't doubt that.
At the base of it, I think they are just seeking attention. They're no better than misbehaving kids who do so just for the attention that they get from people when they act out.
Which is why I try not to engage them, but, sometimes, ugh, I just can't help it. Especially when ridiculous, damaging BS is spouted like it is scripture. I know better, though. I really do. But, in those instances, I feel complicit if I don't speak up and offer a different side of the damaging nonsense that is being spewed.
But, when it all comes down to it, they're no different than the kids and skids that act out for attention. And if we disengage from those kinds of kids, to prevent the reinforcement of their misbehavior, we should disengage from these trolls when they act out. Delete their comments and move on. Of course, it also helps to laugh about it. Because lord knows I laugh my ass off about their nonsense with my SO all the time.
Soooo, do "these posters"
Soooo, do "these posters" perfect, have perfect husbands, perfect stepkids, and perfect lives??
Orrr... are they miserable with husbands and skids who hate them??
You've said both.
I obviously dont come on here
I obviously dont come on here often enough any more, i have absolutely no idea who you guys are talking about but i hope to god its not me, I dont post very often and try to be supportive and helpful if I comment............
I agree with you though, you should be able to vent without the fear of being torn down about how you feel!
^^This^^ I don't like name
^^This^^ I don't like name calling stepparents on this site, but I don't like stepparents name calling small children either, and I don't think that's a healthy form of 'venting', it just cements a negative mindset which is not going to help the stepparent, stepchild or bio parent.