Exactly. SHe has pouted all day today because we took her to the ER and it was not glamourous like she hoped (she denies). She got no fauning, we didn't cry and beg her to not hurt herself, nothing. We did not take her because we worried about her physically, because ffs it was 4 antacids, 2 cold tablets, 4 vitamins, and 3 pills. She was adamant that she really was trying to kill herself...when asked why she didn't finish the bottles or take more than what she took, she said she "stopped herself".

You should know, she is very aware of medication and what is what and how much is dangerous- i have explained every medication she ever took and made her tell me the names, dosages, and uses, and risk of taking too much and what too much would be. She was very aware those pills weren't going to hurt her.

IN FACT, I had a whole bottle of Aleve sitting right next to the ones she took and she did not TOUCH IT at all! WHY? I had told her she could never never touch Aleve because it would damage her liver...

We are seeing the pediatrician Monday to get referral to a psychiatrist. I had looked online for a therapist for the past three months off and on and wrote down some names waiting for DH to agree - this I did after seeing her texts and manipulating her friends with "you don't care and I will just hurt myself then waaaah".

I think she has whatever her mother has. She does a lot of attention-seeking behaviors and gestures for attention. She feeds off of pity. Back when she actually visited and would take SD once a month or even every other Saturday over night for a while, she took her to the ER every single time.

BM will not go to a regular doctor either...she goes to the Children's Hospital Emergency Room and gets admitted into the Children's Hospital... yeaaaah. She said the nurses and doctors are more attentive and caring there...

With SD texting her entire contacts list of kids/friends/associates "no one likes me so tell me why you don't like me" then getting off on everyone texting back "oh you're preeetty and greaaat" and all that. These kids have to post that crap on her facebook wall every couple weeks or she is facebook or text messaging them that "i ruin everything no one loves me" and all that BS.

God help me. She is so jealous of her friends, of my pregnancy, of my DOG. I care about her and love her and want to help her, but she is really pushing me right now and I feel resentful now.

The ER doctor said she is extremely jealous of the pregnancy/baby. She went from being "my sweet daughter" to constantly trying to get me anxious and rolling her eyes and being flippant with "whatevvaaaar".

We told her we have to talk about it tonight. She wants to talk only to her Dad and rolls her eyes at me when I told her we know she didn't really want to kill herself, but wanted the attention from it and it was a gesture and she gets snotty and tells me I don't know anything and all I ever think is she wants attention; honey, its on your discharge papers from the doctor, attention-seeking gesture is not a put down.

This weekend was supposed to be DH and I painting the baby's room and putting the furniture together, but nope, can't do that because we were in the hospital until 3am. We did not take her in fear of her having actually been hurt; we took her because of the attention-seeking suicidal threat. She also texts all her friends and threatens them that she will hurt herself if they don't xyz.

I am at a loss. They were going to admit her, but the only hospital that would take kids under 12 (she is 3 weeks from her 13th birthday) had no beds, so it was a city 3 or 4 hours away or take her home. Since they knew 100% she wasn't seriously going to hurt herself, they said take her home and do outpatient followup with the pediatrician and find a psychiatrist on Monday.

I really do not mean to whine here, but...I have three good pregnancy memories and each are tainted either by my mother being verbally abusive (the shower went well, but i was sad the whole time and anxious whether she would show up or not), then once with DH baby shopping (he went because I told him how it upset me that every time he would rush and huff to leave the department and never wanted to get a mattress or anything at all), and the third good memory is DH putting his hand on my stomach to feel the baby kick and talk to him (a few days after I asked him why he didn't ever do it and the only time he did was once when I took his hand and said feel this).

The rest has been full of stress, anxiety, sadness, and bullshit between SD acting like a complete spoiled jealous brat, DH fighting and yelling at me one night and leaving the house for the night, another problem with DH that took me a week to get over, the weeks I let my mother come in my life (she had been CO prior and is again now) and she reverted back to her same abusive self, five weeks of mono and two kidney stones.

SD gives me glares of hatred, and I went from raising her for the past 10 years and planning to adopt her to now I just don't want to be around her at all. I feel bad. She told the doctor and DH that I make her feel bad...because I told her I was disappointed in her for sneaking and lying and that she was a liar for sneaking and lying to date her BFFs ex-boyfriend that she was forced to break up with by her parents just two weeks ago.

I have less than 30 days left in this pregnancy, and I just really wish I could go spend it at my grandparents house (I know, I am being just as whiny and poor-me attention-seeking as SD with that thought/comment, but FFS I am tired of the world having to revolve around SD12- not just my world, but EVERYBODY's world, even her friends or she pouts and huffs and texts them that she won't be their friend no more and that she is goign to hurt herself a'cause you don't care if I get hurted".

UGH. The jealousy of her friend and of this pregnancy is just overwhelming.

She is saying she REALLY tried to kill herself with those pills (4 antacids and 2 cold/sinus pills and the 4 vitamins) because of me...because I don't trust her enough (caught her with the boy), love her enough, give her enough, "greet her enthusiastically enough when half dead with mono and pregnant", care enough about HER feefees (let her be with her BFs recent ex that the BF still liked).

God help me, I have loved this kid for years, but this past couple months, she is really pushing me to not like her very much right now.

Thanks. I want her to go in-patient and get treated/diagnosed, but DH wants her home and me to watch her 24/7 and to get out-patient referral and counseling. Blegh. Just want I want for my last 27 days of pregnancy. HOOFUCKINGRAY.

Oh wow. I cannot even imagine. I hope things improved for you and your SD. I really hope the psychiatrist can help SD12 before she gets to that point. I do love her and don't want her to suffer so bad. I just have to vent my frustrations so I CAN deal with her in a healthy-for-her fashion and not show my irritation. Because I know she has real feelings and if she feels "no one loves me enough", then it is a real issue for her.

I think she may be Borderline, her biological mother feeds off attention and pity too (very minimal contact, however) and she has one of her half-brothers that lives in a pediatric mental hospital out of state at age 7 for supposed bipolar disorder and behavior issues. I hear the BM is trying to ship off the littler halfbrother for behavior problems as well now...she finally popped out enough to get another baby girl (she does not have custody of SD or SD's older sister and said she "wants a girl of her own"..)

ugh.

I am seriously thinking about pushing for in-patient admittance. The ONLY reason they didn't admit her is because there is only one hospital in the area that will take someone under 13 (she will be 13 in 28 days.....). The doctor said it was extremely obvious that it was attention-seeking and not an actual attempt since she took four antacids (two doses) and one dose of sinus medicine and four vitamins when she had access to actual full bottles of pills (she knows what each medication does and what is too much because I have always taught her about medication and safety...yep she didn't take more than a double dose of antacids LOL).

The only reason she was not admitted was because the doctor said everyone is very certain it was attention-seeking and not real and to admit her, we would have had to take her to a different city 4 hours away since they don't know when a bed will open up.

She is itching to text all the kids on her phone about what she did and get the attention from it. She gets mad and glares and flips her hand and says "you don't know anything you always say I just want attention.. WHATEVER" at me when I told her it was attention-seeking. I said it nicely and professionally that she needed to address her issues and own up to the situation with the doctor, I wasn't putting her down or making light of it because it is very very serious that she would go there.

She is mad that we didn't run to her crying and begging her to not hurt herself. We didn't give her the computer and phone back. We didn't tell her we would do aaany thing to make her haaappy. She pouted and stomped the next day. Then she asked if she could have friends over. DH said NOPE. DH told her she isn't even allowed to go downstairs by herself and she won't have anything but the TV for a while now.

I hate it if it sounds like I am not seriously concerned about her, because I truly am, but this is so staged. You should see the manipulative note she taped to our door about her "medical emergency" and how we don't care. I could just gag.

And for my self-pity whining quota: I have not had any good memories of my ONLY pregnancy. I get it she has mental problems and has these feelings where she needs constant pity and validation, but fuck, I am getting so tired of her behavior and she intentionally does this shit too. I have had non-stop anxiety and stress the entire third trimester between my abusive mother, my DH fighting, and SD being a self-centered spoiled drama princess. I'm down to 28 days left and the only two "good memories" aren't that great.

I am trying to focus on caring about SD and "being there for her" and that crap, but I am growing sick of her. I am so sick of constantly CONSTANTLY having to tell her how awesome and special and amazing she is. If I skip a day of singing her praises, she starts with attitude and eye rolling and "you don't love me" and "you didn't greet me ENTHUSIASTICALLY ENOUGH"...when I had fucking MONO and pregnant and 102 FEVER, I should have been in the hospital but I was just to damn sick to drag myself off the couch my WBC was 1.3 FFS, I had no ability to stand up and shout her fucking praises.

Boy I am glad I can say these ugly things here so that I can be good to her at home and never say anything like that to DH or her. As horrible as I come across here, I really am extremely good to her all the time.

I think she does have some serious issues, but as much as she is mad at me for saying it was a "suicidal gesture" and "attention seeking", she is ADAMANT that she was REAAAALLY trying to kill herself and that she just "found the will to stop herself" and wrote THREE letters in marker to tape to my bedroom door. Each more "pitiful" than the last about if we actually care at all that she is dying but if we don't care then just nevermind she will die alone in her room crying. Seriously.

I am taking her to the pediatrician tomorrow. I am going to push for inpatient if a bed opens up. She has moped and sighed and huffed and done short answers without looking at me all weekend (she will look at her Dad - I was a social worker and have a degree in psychology/sociology and told her to remember I have worked with kids with mental health issues and who have attempted suicide and made suicidal gestures for attention-seeking behavior. She is mad that we didn't jump and coddle her and give her what she wanted, but she refuses to admit it. She says she still has the thoughts that everyone hates her and we hate her and no one loves her and maybe if she took more pills 'things would be better'.

I am not trying to play her off lightly, she does have a serious issue; she just didn't REALLY try to actually kill herself, she was just doing the suicidal gestures. Princess is so jealous of everyone that she cannot stand not having all the attention or being called out on anything.

She cannot wait to tell all the kids at school what she did. How she "attempted suicide". Obviously, telling her friends and classmates will be nothing but pure attention-seeking behavior. She gets SO MAD when I explain what she is doing. She screams YOu don't KNOW..well, actually I DO know. I worked with kids on both ends of the spectrum and surprise princess, I actually took a bottle of pills when I was a teen for a REAL suicide attempt; however, no one took me to the hospital, I threw up liquid aspirin for two hours and my mother told me she wished I wasn't so stupid and that hopefully I would take two bottles next time to finish what I started.

SD will see a psychiatrist and I will push for in-patient treatment. She was full of that same behavior Saturday and Sunday, and we made her sit and talk and she rolled her eyes and huffed about how she still has the same "thoughts and feelings" and there is no point talking to us today because no one lurvs her enough and she sees a doctor tomorrow. I will be telling the pediatrician I believe she will gesture again for attention and may up the ante, so to speak, to get the reaction she is seeking.