I had a huge public argument w/ BM. I didn't start it, but still not cool. Now what? Long again, sorry.
So as I explained in previous post, drama flashes with BM have been escalating as she seems to want him back. Now I have held it in & held it in, but I finally lost my temper on her.
The drama: I was planning to take my BS12 to see a movie, just us. SO had plans with SS9 that fell through. SS9 found out we were going to movies & asked SO if he could come. SO said yes. I told SO we were going to rated R movie. I normally don't let my son see rate R movies, but he really wanted to see this one, I checked it out online, rate R for brief language & some violence. My son is almost 13 so I decided it would be okay as long as I was there so we could leave it if got too crazy. I explained to my SO the above. SO was fine w/it. SS9 called his mom, told her he was going to the movies so he was saying good night early.
During movie BM called SS9, he ignored call, when movie got out I told him to call his mom. He called her back on speakerphone. He's telling her all about movie, she's fine, then he says he can't wait to get home to tell Dad about it, all of a sudden she has a problem cause he's at the movies with me w/o his dad.
Next day at SS9's activity, she comes up & starts yelling at me about taking her kid to rate R movie.She got very personally insulting in her rant. I tried to explain that her kid invited himself to the movie & his dad said it was okay, but she just kept yelling at me. I really think the issue is more that he was with me than the rating of the movie as she lets him play very violent video games and takes him to rock concerts. But now I am the bad guy over the movie? All of a sudden all the stuff I have been holding back came out, I screamed a bunch of stuff at her, some relevant to the situation, some not and basically in a nutshell told her that SO makes the decisions for SS9 on his time, talk to him about it and if she wanted to have total control all the time she shouldn't have decided to go sucking some other guys **** or to get a divorce. We went back & forth for a good 10 minutes. SS did not see but a lot of parents did. Needless to say, not a proud moment for me and SO is pissed about the argument in public. What to do now?
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Myeah. Lay low and let it die
Myeah. Lay low and let it die down. People will forget about it, as everyone is generally consumed by their own drama. I know it was crappy for all that to go down in public; I would feel bad about it as well, but nothing to do about it now. And was it not a bit satisfying to let BM know what you thought of her? I have so many pent up things I would love to tell BM, but then again, I think she already knows how shitty of a person she is.
I hope you are right. It was
I hope you are right. It was satisfying at the moment but I really don't want to make SS feel awkward. I like to think of myself as a reasonable adult but apparently there is still a girl from the ghetto in there somewhere. Who knew? I wouldn't care at all but to me it's better for the kids if we can be civil until relatively recently I thought we were doing a decent job. but this was a FAIL.
I think it's nice that you
I think it's nice that you took your SS to a movie. So what if it had a bit of swearing and some violence in it! LOL! Maybe it's because I'm Canadian and we are a pretty laid back bunch but really, sooooo what! She was absolutely wrong to bring it up to you in public. If she has an issue with it she should have spoken to your husband, asked him to THANK YOU for taking the kid to the movies but to please refrain from R rated ones in future. Done. Coulda, woulda, shoulda.
I agree with StarStuff, lay low and everybody else will forget about it a lot quicker than you will. You said some stuff you regret. Chalk it up to tuition in the school of experience and resolve not to let yourself get into an argument with her again (basically, you've already done this part).
I'd be mortified too if it were me but looking in from the outside it isn't so bad. LOL! Forgive yourself. Move on.
Thank you. I feel awful about
Thank you. I feel awful about losing it in public but I guess nothing I can do about it now.
Welll... I'd be seriously
Welll... I'd be seriously pissed if my XH's girlfriend took my NINE year old to see an R rated movie.
I guess I have a hard time understanding why you took a 9 and 12 year old to a movie designed for adults. I guess that's your thing for your kid, but there is NO WAY I'd have taken someone else's 9 year old!!
And then the two of you are having a screaming match at a kid's activity?!? Good heavens, where are the ADULTS in this situation?!?
Nothing you can do now. Just know that the other parents will be talking about you. :O
I don't normally allow rated
I don't normally allow rated R movies. BS12 almost 13 wanted to go with friends, I said no but after checking movie out online it didn't seem too bad. So I compromised with BS12 that I would take him to see it so we could leave if I saw something I didn't like.
As far as SS9, I didn't really think it was appropriate for a 9 year old, but he asked his dad who said he could go. I explained to SO that movie was rated R and what I had seen about the movie online. He still said SS9 could go.
So I felt that if I didn't take him, I would be contradicting what SO said and make SS9 feel like I just didn't want to take him. I didn't think it was something worth fighting over and as I said both BM and SO allow SS9 to play video games I still don't let my son play. And BM takes him to rock concerts, so it never even occurred to me that she would care at all.
I guess that is part of the reason I got upset, because 1.) I don't think BM even cares about the movie rating, she just wants a reason to have drama and 2.) I do care about movie ratings but felt trapped into taking SS9 which then gave BM a legitimate gripe.
Although I do think she was wrong for yelling at me in public and adding in all the personal insults. However, I am NOT proud of participating and am quite surprised at myself.
Possibly, but did DAD take
Possibly, but did DAD take him? Did he go to the movie? If not, as a SM, there is NO WAY I would have taken someone else's NINE year old to a rated R movie.
Seriously. SMH
(No subject)
The bottom line is you got it
The bottom line is you got it out of your system, that's a plus! DO NOT feel bad about anything, please. It will be a nine day wonder, same as everyone else's outbursts or drama is. OK, tell me the last time you saw someone lose their temper in public? How much of it do you remember? Exactly! She will not mention it again because the truth might have hurt her, she will not want to even do any introspection. Forget the whole thing my friend.
Thanks for the support. In
Thanks for the support. In the moment I wanted to hurt her but after calming down I wish I hadn't of said it. The momentary satisfaction is not worth the worry that this will open the door of even more drama.
My thoughts on this are that
My thoughts on this are that he is YOUR skid on your time in your home and you had your DHs agreement. BM can STFU about what goes on in Dad's home on Dad's time.
I would have considered her verbal assault a threat and had her swollowing her teeth had I been you and filed terroristic threat charges, etc....
Good for you for sticking up for yourself, your DH and YOUR children.
BM was way out of line IMHO.