Is it uncommon for fathers to be awarded primary custody??
Just was wondering how common it is and if any dads ever get primary custody because they simply are the better choice for their child. Mom does not do drugs (from what we can see) no arrests, etc. however she has moved 6 times since sd was born. She is now 18 months. She isn't on a lease, she lives with friend to friend, had an abusive bf whom she lived with and a police report was filed on them fighting in front of sd. Lied about daycare and didn't have insurance for her. Kept her from father multiple times. Lied about income and other stuff to try to get more child support. Doesn't have a car or even a bed for sd. Court awarded equal custody to them. Stated that father was more fit than mother but wanted to see if she can straighten up before daughter hits school age and that's when they'll decide who is the primary caregiver. Whereas, father has stable job, vehicle, does all transporting, never bad mouthed or kept child away, has a 3 bedroom home, married, etc. I was told multiple times that the court is looking for what's best for the mother, not the child. Is it a longshot to think daughter would be better off with father as primary when she hits school age and the court might actually see that? Mother and father live 3 hours away from each other. My city also has better schools and opportunities for sd.
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Sadly, it's an uphill
Sadly, it's an uphill battle.
My brother is in a very similar situation. He has been slowly getting more and more custody over the course of the last 5 years. It has taken him that long and literally tens of thousands of dollars to go from the 50/50 original order to the 65/35 he had most recently.
And after all that, it took ONE judge to overturn all of it and decide that the mother should be primary again. They are now back to 50/50 with the kid living with mom during school days.
My brother's main argument all along was that the mom was unstable; moved on average 2-3x a year. She swore up and down it wasn't happening again and the judge sided with her. 3 weeks later she informed my brother that she is moving even further away. His daughter calls him everyday and cries to come home to him. There's nothing he can do but wait for his next court date. It's seriously f*cked up.
Ugh that makes me upset. That
Ugh that makes me upset. That sucks that they care more about the mother than the child. You can clearly see in the baby's actions that there is something seriously wrong over there
Sorry but what does CO mean?
Sorry but what does CO mean? I'm not too savvy with the abbreviations lol. But we already have 50/50 I'm just wondering about when school age comes around. And I don't think I'll ever stop caring. This baby girl is my heart. No matter what blood line she comes from or who ends up getting primary, I'll still love her unconditionally.
Notthemomma - Us "lifers"
Notthemomma - Us "lifers" KNOW what the newer SM's still dealing with little skids don't YET...that no matter what you do, or don't do, it won't usually mean a damn thing in the future. Fight for justice with everything you've got, or let it ride, scream or stay silent, make the skids your first priority or last....nothing we do will ever be enough, appreciated, or right. I'm sure that there are some exceptions. There always are. But f*ck me if I personally know of ANY.
I can't quite get my heart to stop caring...but I sure as hell wonder why DH and I fought so hard. It certainly wasn't for fun or sport. We gained NOTHING but heartache and financial ruin. SD turned out exactly like BM (no empathy, soulless, manipulative, spiteful, downright nasty), even with the influence of the most amazing father possible, that fought for her to no end.
The system is f*cked. The CS calculations are f*cked. Child Services is a JOKE. No one benefits except BM and the attorneys. Just the fact alone that it costs Father's thousands in attorney's fees to be in their children's lives shows how screwed up the family court system is.
When I look back on everything we've been through in the past sixteen years that DH and I have been together, I realize that the best piece of advice I've ever been given actually came from BM herself. During a heated argument about nonsense, she screamed at me "Why don't you just take care of your own kid, and stay the f*ck out of MY business!" That is EXACTLY what I should have done. Ahh, hindsight. Could've saved myself a hell of a lot of grief and stress.
Bm wants her for child
Bm wants her for child support and to use as a trophy child. And true I think that's key... We had an attorney that truly in her heart didn't believe fathers would get any rights. She fought for our case but she actually at one point suggested that dh settle for every other weekend!!! Glad we fought cuz we got 50/50 but really want primary when school starts
"Your attorney should ask for
"Your attorney should ask for drug testing, criminal history checks and psyche evals for anyone living in the home over there. A violent BF doesn't sound good for SD."
My brother tried this .. basically, in our state, you can ask all you want, but unless there is solid, documented (arrest, hospital record of skid, etc) reason to believe the kid is in danger, no judge will grant it. A simple conversation with his ex-wife and you would know without a doubt that there is something seriously wrong with her .. but it's not within the judge's rights to order her to do anything if she's never been arrested or harmed the kid. It's stupid.
Yeah all the evidence
Yeah all the evidence suggested that she is better off with the father. Judge even said so himself. But he did want to give the mother a chance to straighten up until sd becomes school age... If she doesn't improve or does something else stupid (which she has more than a couple times in less than a year) do you think he may finally decide father is best?
You're talking about a baby.
You're talking about a baby. Most judges are going to try to keep a baby/toddler with the mother unless you can show that she is actually abusing or neglecting the baby.
Baby already is 50/50 with
Baby already is 50/50 with us. So judge didn't have a problem with doing that. I'm talking about school age. That's when they go back to court. When she's 4-5
DH has sole custody of ss8,
DH has sole custody of ss8, has since ss was 3. BM never had custody. Its my understanding that in order to get a current court order changed you have to show a change in circumstances.
It is very hard to take
It is very hard to take custody away from a mother. When DH went to court claiming that BM was abusive, crazy, unfit mother, etc they judge said that even though it is morally wring, its not legally wrong. Luckily BM disappeared for almost a year, leaving SD with DH so he had her served, she never answered. Then she showed up at court with a baby in her arms and pregnant again. DH's lawyer told her if she didn't sign over custody he would have those other 2 kids taken away. They proved that the police were at her house on a weekly basis, she was doing drugs and totally unfit. DH won custody. Lucky me
But that usually does not happen.
Your situation sounds very
Your situation sounds very similar to mine. My stepdaughter, who is now 8, has lived with my husband and I since she was 4. My husband and his ex share joint custody, with my husband as the primary custodian. It definitely was not easy for him to get custody, but his ex made it as easy as she possibly could. She lost custody for many reasons, including refusing to let my husband have his visitation on several occasions, trying to get him to terminate his parental rights and let their daughter be adopted by BM's boyfriend at the time (mind you, her boyfriend was 17, and BM was 28). She also accused my husband of abusing their daughter, refused to let him know when and where she would take her to the doctor, scheduled several psychiatrist visits behind his back and coached their daughter into saying that she didn't want to be around her father. She constantly moved houses, and always moved in with a different guy each time she moved, and each guy was going to "be around for a long time and be SD's new father".
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that it may be uncommon for father's to get primary custody, but it's not impossible. I hope everything works out for you guys!
Most judges will leave a girl
Most judges will leave a girl child with the mother. It is easyer for a father to get custody of a son than a daughter. My Dh has full custody. But BM behavior helped alot in our case. Nows the time to document everything. How many times she moves, everything about Bm and bf and how many different bfs she may have between now and when they go to court again. It is always best to have a court order (CO) say how far a parent can live away from the other parent. Where I live it is 3 countys or under. Thats keeps them from moving out of state or so far away that the other parent can't see the child on a regular bases. Keep records of jobs and things like that. The more the better.
I agree with the previous
I agree with the previous poster, document document document! Everything from text messages, phone conversations, details about when you exchange the child...EVERYTHING! It really does help!