Advice please? (Nasty's birthday)
Hi all,
I need some advice please...since I don't blog too often, here is a very condensed version of my current situation...
My SO has full custody of SS9 & SD8. They visit their mom (Nasty) for 1-2 weeks per year in the summer. She saw the Skids in July & has skyped with them ONCE (end of August) since then & has had zero contact since September 1st. She is about as uninvolved as she can possibly be. Her last text to the Skids read:
Nasty: Hi my babies, mommy is working now, all of the time so that mommy can support my babies. If you text me & I do not respond, please do not be mad at mommy - mommy loves you but is very very very busy with work. You can text me but I will probably not answer until I am at home, but remember, mommy is at work all day, every day so it might take me awhile. Mommy loves you!
Now bearing in mind that yes, she works...at an apartment complex & she lives in the complex that she works at...they open at 9am & close at 7pm...plus she gets 2 days off a week...the Skids did not respond to the text & they have not texted her since.
Now on to the current issue...
Today is her birthday...SO asked me if he should tell the SKids to call/text/try to skype with her & I really want to say "No, she hasn't bothered seeing how their school is going, hasn't bothered to talk to them AT ALL, just NO!" but every year, I say "Yes, of course, that's their mom! SS will get upset when he realizes he's missed it!"
I know that the Skids would want to know...plus SS will probably get upset when he realizes that his birthday is exactly ONE week later than Nasty's (he will realize ON his birthday that he missed hers...not because she will call him but because that is who he is.) I despise being the bigger person but sometimes it's a must. SO is leaning towards NOT telling them because he's pissed at her over her lack of communication with them...*sigh*
What do you think? Should SO tell the skids that today is their BM's birthday?
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Comments
What a mess...I guess I would
What a mess...I guess I would tell them, about her bday, for a few more years...then leave it up to them to remember.
I might make a point of
I might make a point of saying.."hmm today is 09/21 weird" if they get it then they get it. If not who cares..let them pout about it when they make the realization down the road. I fail to see how it is your job even as the bigger person to remember their mothers birthday.
LIke you said "be the bigger
LIke you said "be the bigger person". Whether a loser or not, she's their mom. I say remind them until they are old enough to remember on their own. If they don't want to call, then don't push them. But at least you can say that you put it out there.
Our bm is also totally
Our bm is also totally uninvolved minus a holiday here or there and some inapropriate things said over the phone. For years we would send an email and update her: ss had a doc. appt today, ss had a dentist apt today, ss is starting school today, there is a parent teacher conference today, ss is sick... because our CO states that we need to share information regarding ss with her. She would either not respond or begin to call endlessly to talk to dh about her love life (and not ask about ss at all). We do not do that anymore. If she asks, we tell. If not, we are as uninvolved with her as she is with us. She is an adult. This is her child. If she wants to be involved, she will be. No ones stopping her. Our lives have become much less stressful since we stopped trying to lead the horse to water and make it drink.