Really in a mess and am needing my fellow Steptalkers advise...really bad!
In the past month I have come to the conlusion that I am about to loose it. Between the stepkids, my mother and my brother I am on the edge and am not liking how I feel at all. Here recently my mother called me up and asked me if I had heard if my brother had purchased a motorcycle. I, at that time, had NOT heard this,so I told her no. Rewind a bit and let me explain to you my brother, he is a hot headed, free-spirit who does not know how the think into the future and only lives in the present. My mother has bailed his out so may times its scary. Well, last month, my brother purchased a house and needed help with a vehicle, my mother, helped him out on this and he paid her back. But, its stuff like this all the time. Our mother, has always been there for us and our father, well, not so much. I saw my father yesterday and he informed me that my brother had purchased a motorcyle and had been there and showed it to him. He (my brother) has not even told my mother. This made me sick! Literally sick! I am stuck between a rock and hard place. I do not feel it is my place to tell her, but if she finds out that I know she will be mad at me for not telling her. My brother is 23 ish and is a looser and here I have worked my butt off and it kills me to see how he lives day by day. My husband tells me not to tell her and not get involved becasue this is not my battle. But, I know my mother, and if she finds out that I know and didnt tell her. She will probably treat me worse than my brother. I dont know what to do. I did not sleep at all last night because I was thinking of this!
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It's not your place. You are
It's not your place. You are kept in the middle because you have allowed yourself to stay in the middle. Your brother sounds a little on the irresponsible side, and how frustrating to know your mom bails him out regularly. But in the grand scheme of things of life, it is not your concern. He is an adult, and so is your mother. It is all about their choices.
When mom asks why you didn't tell her, just simply tell her you didn't think about it. That you are trying hard to "stay out" of your brother's business. You figured he would have told her himself.
I think that sometimes "gossiping" in the family is just as bad as the water jug at work. Does your mom come and vent to you often about your brother? Offering her advice, or putting your two cents in keeps you involved and in the middle. As a matter of fact, to her is keeps you on her side. Let her vent, but just don't give your advice. Don't give input. Stay indifferent.
As she vents, say things like, "yeah, that would be frustrating. I don't know. Not sure. Not my business." You can be supportive of a vent and stay out of the business.
If I was in your place. I
If I was in your place. I say to hell with it.
You are not your brothers keeper. That what I would tell your mom.
I am not my brothers keeper! He is 23 years old and old enough to make up his on mind and take care of himself.
Your mother sounds like she is the one with the problem of bailing him out all the time. She needs to make up her own mind when she is ready to quit bailing him out because he sounds like he is crutching. He knows he is going to be saved or bailed out. Sometimes you'll just have to kick the crutch out underneath him for him to learn.
I be slaping my hands together like in a washing motion and say I wash my hands from this problem, I have problems of my own to take care of.
Nothing is worse than
Nothing is worse than parental guilt.
I wouldn't tell her, when she gets mad at you you can say.....I thought I did tell you? You mean I didn't.
Or it slipped my mind.
I finally had to tell my dad that I would not discuss my older brother with him, if he continued on his rampage, I would do what he did and turn my back on HIM and walk away. He has not uddered or mentioned my brothers name again.
Walking away from family is hard. setting boundaries is too.