The day after
SS will be leaving Friday morning. The tickets are all booked and we’re trying to get him packed and everything together for him to go.
I expected he was going to be excited when we told him that he was going since he’s so utterly miserable here but it didn’t get any reaction out of him at all. I honestly don’t think he misses his mom or will miss his dad or cares about anything.
SS isn’t speaking at all to DH or me but BM called this morning and he did talk to her and she gave him a list of things he needed to make sure he packed. I doubt he does any of it. All he’s been doing all afternoon is hitting balls as hard as possible against the garage door with his hockey stick and DH had to go yell at him to knock it off about 10 times.
It’s almost 16 hours worth of travel time to get him over to BM’s country and DH and I are worried something is going to go wrong. Airlines are used to normal kids not psycho crazy insane kids. So DH is flying with him to NewYork and then handling him off to someone from the airline and he has a direct flight from there to BM’s country. It’s expensive but better than worrying about him wandering off in New York and not getting on the plane. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he goes nuts on the plane and causes some incident. But that’s BM’s problem to deal with.
DH wants to wash his hands of this whole mess. Unless BM some how gets back to the US, he’s not going to press for visitation since it’s too expensive and difficult with international flights.
So this is likely the last time I see SS for a very, very long time. Maybe the last time I ever have to see him again. It’s such a relief. I wasn’t cut out to be a stepmom.
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Comments
I'm so jealous of you.
I'm so jealous of you.
I hope this brings peace to
I hope this brings peace to everyone involved.
Wow, how sad that your
Wow, how sad that your husband is so eager "to wash his hands" of his own child. While the situation may be difficult it is still his child. I certainly hope neither of your children turn out to be a problem, what would you do then? Have you ever stopped to think about how you would feel if you and your husband divorce and he meets a new woman and then writes off his children with you? Washing his hands of his former kids?
I am obviously the dissenting view here. It seems you have been trying to rid yourself of this child since day one. I guess it is congrats to you on that. Mission accomplished.
I feel very sorry for this child and I certainly hope that he gets the help he needs and DESERVES from at least one of his parents.
After reading this family's
After reading this family's story for awhile, I feel really badly for the child. He lost everything that anything in his world, including a bright future in a sport. I really do think, in this case, he is better off with his mother.
As for the OP, I can understand her instinct to protect her children. I can also understand that this boy simply was so depressed and whatever else that his father and SM simply did not know what to do with him.
In the end, he is going to be with his mother and IMO that's the best solution in this situation.
He is better off with his
He is better off with his mother because he never had a fighting chance at his father's house.
That is harsh. Maybe partly
That is harsh. Maybe partly true but I don't see it as invisible's fault - more her husband's. She was made to be responsible for someone she had no control over - no backup.
AND...have you ever had to protect your own little ones from your skids? I have. Doesn't exactly contribute to making one have positive feelings for the skids.
I went back and read her
I went back and read her blogs. From day 1 she wanted to get rid of this kid. Day 1. So, in essence he could do no right. No shit he is acting out. His world has crashed around him, his mother removed, and now he has to go move into a home where he is clearly not welcome or loved. Again very sad. He belongs with his mother, clearly.
Oh and he is 11. Not a
Oh and he is 11. Not a teenager.
Although I am not a mod, I am
Although I am not a mod, I am pretty sure this is not the place for right-wing politics -- or any kind of politics, really.
I can never support the poor
I can never support the poor treatment of children. And bio dad is as much to blame as bio mom is. Just very sad for the child.
I honestly thought that post
I honestly thought that post by Foxie was spam. LOL
No, because it seemed like
No, because it seemed like your post was written in a foreign language and then translated into English.
apparently you missed the
apparently you missed the part about this site being a place to vent. it is not a pro skid kind of place. people here are angry and with damn good reason. if you want sunshine and rainbows, go to ivillage.
It is a place to vent. Not
It is a place to vent. Not everyone is a on the "yay let's gang up on an 11 year old because I don't like him and send him back to Finland" bandwagon. When you post your "life story" on the internet prepare to hear the real deal, not just what you want to hear. No need to blow "rainbows and sunshine" when an adult is acting like a 4 year old. Hello. Grow up.
What the heck is "living the
What the heck is "living the soccer mom dream?"
I tried to read your blogs to see what YOUR life story was, and was completely unsurprised to see nothing. Other than the fact you like to pick on people for their spelling/grammar skills, I have no idea where you are coming from.
Unless that is what soccer mom dream people do?
but he's just a precious
but he's just a precious widdle chiwd who was hurt by his parents split. of course he should be allowed to terrorize toddlers! they don't need protected because their parents aren't divorced. :sick:
Well, I do agree but to be
Well, I do agree but to be clear, SS doesn't want his parents back together. His parents were never married and broke up before he was born so his parents have never been together and do not get along. No one in their right mind would want them together. They can’t stand each other. Last night they had a screaming match on the phone that I swear our neighbors must have been able to hear.
BM PASed SS very badly but DH was the one whose been yelled at by judges for telling SS negative things about his mom. It’s a mess of a situation. Anyone involved has said this.
BM has a long time boyfriend who SS sees as his dad. To him, I think DH is the guy his mom hates and doesn’t everything wrong and his BM's boyfriend is his dad that he loves. And DH is the guy getting stuck with all the bills.
No one knows what SS wants or why he’s doing this. It’s just angry. It started out as being very passive “depression” but now with his violent outbursts, there’s no telling what he will do.
very well said. i don't
very well said. i don't understand how people can believe that if you are under 18, you are automatically innocent and precious. and then when that magic bday rolls around, suddenly you can just change? hardly. i've said it a million times. every well known psycho/sociopath was a child once. yes, evil can even live in the disguise of a child. my bff's son is 17 and a monster. as a little boy, i hated being around him. he was mean and destructive. he did rotten things on purpose. he was an asshole by the time he was old enough to walk and talk. and what do you know, he's been to juvi and under the care of a psychiatrist multiple times. clearly he was F'd up at birth. it happens. denying it doesn't make it not a reality.
Thank you. Even a stranger
Thank you. Even a stranger can see what his doctors don't. The problem is almost everything that SS does is passive. I know he has oppositional defiance disorder but it has been almost all passive. He ignores everyone and lays in bed doing nothing.
He's only been violent 2 times now - he hit a boy in gym class (which everyone wrote off as an accident) and now he yelled at DD and pounded on his wall like some big ape at the zoo. He's indirectly violent to people. How much worse will it get when he's bigger and more angry? He's already taller than me.
He won't talk. Therapy won't help. He won't eat. All he does is lay in bed doing nothing.
He isn't going to get better with us. DH misses most therapy appointments. SS doesn't talk at all at them and the therapist blames the language barrier.
THe real issue is that SS is a messed up kid. DH doesn't like SS and can't stand being around him and I'm caught in the middle. I don't have the time or ability to help him.
I know BM is bashing DH big time now and can spin this to make him out to be the world's worst father and I don't care. He's a great dad to my kids and he had to make a choice - them or SS and he made his decision.
Well I was all onboard with
Well I was all onboard with your post until the last bit. I like to think your DH made the choice he did because in the end, it's really the best decision for SS.
Not because you forced him to choose between his children. If you did that, God help you when the karma bus smacks you and your children for it.
All I did was tell DH that DD
All I did was tell DH that DD and DS were going to stay at with my sister until SS was gone. DD is terrified of SS, SS won't apoligize or do anything to make things better between them. We know he's crazy jealous of DS and DD getting more than he does and now he's acting violent towards DD for no reason. She has every right to play whatever she wants in her room without SS going batshit crazy at her.
How is this situation ever going to get any better? Are only hope is maybe hospitalizing SS will fix his mental health issues but our insurance will barely cover any of it.
And we've been clear with SS - the reason he's leaving is his behavior because we know his BM is going to spin it into being DH's fault.
^^^Couldn't agree MORE
^^^Couldn't agree MORE Newwife!^^^
SS creeps me out. I don't
SS creeps me out. I don't know if he's going to grow up to be a sociopath. His psychiatrist and therapist don't.
If SS actually talked and I knew what was actually going thru his head there would be less fear. But he is totally silent in a creepy way. He gives everyone these looks. If they were casting some serial killer as a kid for a movie, this would be the kid they should cast.
There's nothing in his life that should make him jacked up or mentally ill other than BM. Alot of people have more problems then he does. It's way he responses to everything. He's so negative. He can't see the bright side in anything. He's antisocial and doesn't like to be around people.
Maybe I sense something his doctors don't. Or maybe I just don't like him.
It shouldn't take him being even more violent for his doctors to do something. Clearly this kid isn't normal and doesn't function like a normal kid. Just because he's completely passive aggressive doesn't mean he isn't some times just aggressive.