I think that it is super gross
that DH allows his kids to climb into our bed. I've brought this up to him before -- and he has done NOTHING to stop it.
It makes me SICK to know that his kids were laying on my pillows.
I wouldn't let my kid lay on DH's pillows.
It's just not right.
I think that I feel that my bed = my intimate space. To have someone else come lay in it feels like a huge violation.
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I feel the exact same way.
I feel the exact same way. The only time I am OK with someone other than SO and myself sleeping in our bed is if we have brought someone in to house/dog/cat sit when we go on a trip. And then? It is usually someone who is sensible, like my cousin, who brings her own pillow because I take my pillows with me.
I have never been OK with SD laying in our bed. When we first moved in together, SD had to sleep on a sofa bed and SO would often put her to bed in our room, letting her sleep in our bed. I absolutely hated it because a) I didn't and don't want SD all over MY stuff, in MY space and b) he never checked to see if it was OK with me when he would do it.
For example, one night, we went out on what I thought was going to be a date until he went and picked SD up *grumble* and then, after we got back from the SD controlled outing, I went into the bathroom for all of two minutes and, when I came out, SO got all super protective of the bedroom when I tried to go into it to get something because precious little SD was going to sleep, so what the heck was wrong with me and why the heck didn't I think of that possibility??. My space = I should have free access to it and the things in it whenever I want, IMO. I don't think that I should ever have to wonder "Gee, is SD sleeping in MY bed, in MY room?" before I open a door.
Marriage and relationships
Marriage and relationships are about compromise, however there are such things called dealbreakers and in your case this is one of these.
I appreciate where you are coming from because I had the exact same problem, DH would put my ss in bed with us even when I was naked. I cannot tell you how uncomfortable this made me feel and my DH just didnt or wouldnt get it.
The way I overcame my issue was informing DH that ultimately I was REALLY uncomfortable with ss being put in bed with us (I would demonstrate this by immediately getting up and leaving). If DH did this when I wasnt there, I would ask DH to change the sheets immediately citing the fact my ss would wipe boogers in the sheets as a reason :sick: I also told DH that should his psycho BM find out that DH was putting ss in bed with us, then it was opening me, him up to allegations particularly if I was lying there naked (DYKWIM?). This was an unnecessary risk.
I ensured I told DH that our bedroom was out of bounds for ss. That I wanted ONE room that was kid free, so should I wish to retreat, take stock, destress and unwind then OUR bedroom should be it.
I think the situation really fired home, when my skid was 8 he barged in on DH and I having a quickie in our room (skid should have been asleep). Skid KNEW he wasnt to barge in (the rule was knock and wait) besides which we had called out for him to wait as we heard him on the landing. The look on skid face was annoyance, deliberate sneakiness and DH was NOT amused. Perhaps you can point out how inappropriate it is allowing the skid(s) on the very sheets you have been intimate on!
Woah. Your DH would put SS in
Woah. Your DH would put SS in bed with you when you were naked? Talk about an violation of private, intimate space. And you're right, it definitely is an unnecessary risk for your DH to take. I can't even begin to imagine the thought process that goes into that kind of decision.
I agree with your last thought for the OP as it was the clincher for getting my SD out of our bed when we first lived together. SO would let her fall asleep in our bed, then would move her into the living room on the sofa bed. And, he would want to be intimate in the bed with me before we fell asleep. I told him that I thought it was not only inappropriate to let SD fall asleep on sheets we were intimate on but that I was not comfortable being intimate with him on sheets that SD fell asleep on mere moments before we took back our room. After a few nights of making him change the entire sheet set before we were intimate (or lose out on that kind of intimacy) and then making him change those sheets again before he would put SD in our bed, he started having her fall asleep on the sofa bed consistently.
mine has done it while I was
mine has done it while I was laying in my pj's (a t-shirt and underwear) -- I was like OH HELL NO!!!
IT'S WAY INAPPROPRIATE!!!
Oh boy, DH woke up and came
Oh boy, DH woke up and came out into the living room -- leaving SS laying in our bed, still asleep.
SS just came out into the living room CRYING because DH wasn't still in bed with him. DH is cuddling him and holding him like he's a BABY while SS cries and sniffles.
WTF
Been there!!!!! Lol, My ss12
Been there!!!!! Lol, My ss12 just stopped having Dadddy sleep with him,he even locks the door now
why,lol he has learned how to enjoy himself! I tried every which way to discuss this with fh and I got so tired of the arguments,felt like it wasn't worth it, just to lose.Good Luck! They will grow out of it,the Dads obviously won't! Sickening!!!!
I told my husband in a round
I told my husband in a round about way that children do not belong in the bedroom period.It is our only sacred place. SD is not allowed in our room. Not to jump into the bed, and not to play.I totally understand. I dont even think PICTURES of children belong in a couples bedroom!!
Oh my gosh, thank you for
:jawdrop: Oh my gosh, thank you for posting this! Now I know the problem is not ME!!