Need opinions....

So Sat I am having a small get together for my sons 8th grade graduation.

Some of his friends are comming, my parents and some family. DH is comming because i have him on Sat's but this morning he asked me if SD could come because she was asking. I dont know how i feel about that. I wanted to say no right away but i said let me think about it and talk to BS's. I havent yet of course because when i left for work BS's were still sleeping....and not sure I even want to discuss it with them. I dont really want her there but am I being selfish and not trying? Will this make matters worse when they seem to be getting better? Do I put things aside just for this day? Do I say yes she can come but not sleep over? Advise please!!!

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I wouldn't want her to come

I wouldn't want her to come either but I would leave it up to your BS's. It's their event and if they want to include her just suck it up but no sleeping over. Ugh...I hate these issues! That's my advice.

^^ Mazzy makes a good point

Mazzy makes a good point

Would she spend her time

Would she spend her time visiting with the other guests or would she be attached to daddy's hip?

If there are other people there she would spend her time with, maybe she could just come for an hour or two & then go back to grandma's house.

I wouldn't have her there any longer than the party lasts, & I certainly wouldn't have her there if she's going to interfere with your time with your DH. She gets him 6 days a week. You get him 1. The idea of this separation is for you & your DH to be able to make your marriage about the two of you...not the two of you & her.

She was included in the graduation. I really think you need to be careful not to move forward too fast with re-introducing her. You know what they say about giving an inch & they take a mile.

Be sure you're taking things at a pace you're comfortable with. That isn't too much to ask.

Being she was at the graduation, she's been able to be a part of it already. If you feel like having her at your house is too much too soon, it's okay to say "no" to the party.

I agree with Mazzy's advice.

I think in your previous post

I think in your previous post (about the graduation) your oldest texted SD and said "NO DRAMA" and things seemed to have gone well.

Maybe that needs to happen again?? Does she seem to respond to your BS's saying that? If so, then have the graduating BS txt SD and say, "I'd like you to come, but leave the drama"

KWIM?

I think this is great advice.

i can some what relate to

i can some what relate to your situation. This is my thoughts and what i would do.

I would not. First off, this is a gathering to celebrate something special. This special event that you are celebrating is something that happens once. it does not matter how big or small the accomplishment is that you are acknowledging, it is a special event. And for that, I wouldn't personally let her come. If this was a regular ol' gathering then i would consider it.

The reason why i would only consider it and STILL wouldn't allow it to happen, is because both DH and SD need to work on their separation! She needs to learn to be independant, get her own life, move away from her fear of separation from daddy, etc....and DH needs to learn to be consistent in not accepting the calls, feeding the "beast", enabling, etc....

How are they suppose to learn these skills if there is hardly ever a time they are not together? THis is not about punishing her or him away from family things, it is about creating opportunities to learn some basic skills that they need to work on.

Nope, I would tell DH that this time she cannot come. I would explain to him that it isn't to punish or be vindictive, but it is about taking advantage of this time to help her learn what she needs to do. There will be other gatherings she can come to. But how is she suppose to learn, and him for that matter, if every other time she gets to come along?!

Don't let her come! Tell DH

Don't let her come!
Tell DH that is your kid's day and it's his day to be the centre of attention...

No she shouldn't go. She

No she shouldn't go. She needs to work on being AWAY from her dad. He's with her ALL week, so of course now she wants to seep into YOUR weekends with him and because he is FINALLY shutting down her calling and texting when she isn't with him (when he's with you) she is now trying to be there physically since she now knows he won't accept her calls/texts. It just so happens it's for a special event, but the background issue is still the same. She should stay out of it. If you feel bad and your BS really does want her there, then she can come for the party ONLY, and will need to be taken back home as soon as the party is over. The problem here is that during a party with friends and family, they will probably all stay well into the night, so if you allow her to come make sure you give him an EXACT time that the party if over FOR HER. So your husband should know that at 6pm for example, she goes home, no matter how many people are still at your house.

I agree with Ripley. SD

I agree with Ripley.

SD should not be part of the picture right now.

This decision should come entirely from you. She has been making your life hell. And that in turn, affects your sons.

You need to have this ONE day for your son and not let her in.

If she is like my SD19, then she will show up and attach to daddy. I hate that at my family events.

DH should be by YOUR side...not SD. And when he shoves her away...she will then start crap.

Don't do it.....too soon.

...and on another note...I

...and on another note...I teach in a private school. We do the big 8th grade graduation.

After parents pay this kind of tuition for years, this is truly a right of passage for your son.

I can already tell that he is lightyears ahead of your SD...just in what you have posted and what I know private schools do for kids. I also remember some drama over his music competition or something...

He needs to have his day...without a stepsister buggin'!