Wow, I'm right there with you too, but with inlaws! What's the scenario??

Sorry, your husband is the problem here. I would never forbid my husband from going, but if he went alone because I was not invited, when he got home I would have either changed the locks or moved. Period.

My DH son did not want to invite me to his wedding but my DH pushed for me to be there with him that I was his wife. I really did not want to go. I knew his stinking son had something devious plan and it is exactly what I figure he would pull.

He had invited the woman who dated my DH before me. The woman that my DH called a piece on the side. I don't care if she was a piece or a girlfriend. She was history when I came in the picture and I was the one married to him. She went all psycho when he engaged me and he had told her he was marrying me that she needed to quit pursuing him because he never seen her that way. Well it was a complete insult from his son inviting the bitch to his wedding when his father and I where already married for 2 years. It was already bad enough to put up with BM2 being at that wedding and he plays his crap alone with BM2 who is not his mother who he does call mom :?

What ever I pretty much Disengaged from his son. The son and his wife pretty much both said I don't buy enough shit for them to be consider part of the family. Both can go to hell fares I care.

Last thing I will do is buy my love..... :sick:

Looks like daddy won't be at little Johnny's wedding.

If I were your DH .... if my bride is not invited, no me at the wedding.

And .... none of my marrital resources, income, etc.... go to little Johnny for his nuptials.

I would not force a relationship between my wife and my adult spawn but I would absolutely insist on respectful behavior by my spawn towards my wife and she would be included in all invitations whether my spawn invited her or not. If I am invited, WE are invited.

What little Johnny needs from daddy is a good old fashioned ass whoopin ... even if he is an adult.

The best possible thing that you and your DH can do IMHO is go together whether you are invited or not. Be beautiful, be happy and dance your butts off together. Idiots like your adult Skid are like cockroaches who scramble for a dark corner when the lights are thrown on in a dark roach filled room.

Your happy marriage is the light that will send SS and his bride scampering for the dark corner. Be happy, be beautiful, beem your happiness for all to see, hold hands with your DH, be in to each other and when and if SS and his bride or anyone else approaches you in any way other than pleasant and welcoming ..... ignore them and focus on each other with pleanty of light hearted laughter.

If the roaches don't make it to the dark corner fast enough ..... you stomp on them.

So beam and stomp.

All IMHO of course.

To be perfectly honest, if all remains the same, I don't want to be invited to YSD's wedding. It will be weird if the rest of my family goes, which today consists of DH, my BS, OSD, and my BD (used to include YSD but I do not consider her family anymore) but I have no desire to be there in what can be expected to be an extremely dysfunctional event if history is any indication.

This is an absolute non-negotiable for me.... any mixed company social occasion to which I am invited, my spouse will be welcomed, and I expect to be invited to any social occasion which he attends.

It's about respect. It's also about being equally committed and equally invested, and having the priorities of putting your spouse above all others. "Forsaking all others" is not just about not having sex with anyone else. It's about preserving and protecting your relationship, keeping it sacred, and keeping your spouse as the number one person in your life.

Everyone doesn't have these values. But, when people marry, they should share the same values in this area. Would he want you to attend a wedding without him? If you choose not to go out of graciousness because you feel it would cause unwarranted tension, or because you have other plans, or because you have to work, that's fine. But him going without you because they didn't invite you is an outward sign that your husband is willing to let other people separate him from his wife, put a wedge in the relationship, and disrespect her.

However, I agree with the earlier poster who said you can't control what he does. Do express to him how you feel about it, and do not allow his choice to ruin your weekend. If he chooses not to take you, DO make other plans to do something you will enjoy, that will refresh and renew your spirit.

SC,

this may be one of those situations in which the man has to see you following his lead before he realizes the path he's taking may not be one that is best. Find a social occasion in which most people participate as couples... for me it would be the end of the year banquet for my school. Go without him. Don't make a big deal of it, don't tell him you planned it that way, just plan to go without him. If he doesn't object to this, then you know that he truly doesn't think of these type of social events as anything more than obligation, and so it's not meant as disrespect to you for him to go to obligatory events without you. If he does object, you can gently let him know that the two of you need to both follow the same guidelines for including one another in social settings.

Best wishes! You are a wonderful woman... and if your DH didn't love you, he wouldn't have married you. Stand firm, be calm, and be true to yourself.

Hugs!

I know this is an old topic, but I think it is good to still comment on some of these forums and update for the new year. I know my opinion on this would have varied considerably depending upon if I had already attended one of step-kid's wedding or not. For the first step-kid's wedding, I would have been shocked, floored if I wasn't invited. I thought we all got along good, I was really looking forward to attending, excited, and so on. If I hadn't gotten an invite, at that time, I would have been insulted/upset, and would not have known what to do. BUT, after that wedding and, basically having it jammed down my throat at the wedding in a lot of different ways that I was not a member of the family, I find myself hoping that I do NOT get an invite for the next step kid's wedding coming up soon. After doing a lot of thinking, I have a different angle on how I view the step-mom or step-dad, step-kid relationship. It definitely varies, but I think most step-kids do not see their step-parents as family, in reality. I know a lot of step-parents think we have done so much for you, etc., but step-kids just still seem to think it was a "family" they were forced into. And, even though I strongly feel ALL married couples should be treated as married couples at weddings, period. I no longer think it is necessary for step-mom (or step-dad) to attend. I know I am biased from my negative experience, but I actually think if you are not invited, maybe that is a good thing in that you can still trick yourself into thinking that the step-kids really see you as part of their family. Best to hold onto that. When you are invited to a stepkid's wedding, stepmoms really need to think about how they could possibly be treated at this wedding. Ideally, try to get some kind of heads-up prior to the rehearsal/wedding. This will give you time to decide if you (and I do mean YOU, not anyone else) want to attend or not given the stepmom wedding "rules" the couple/wedding planner/officiate have made up. And, you may really need to psych yourself up bigtime. If you don't think you can handle seeing bio-mom and your husband walk down the aisle together hand-in-hand, mimicking what the bride and groom are about to do, for instance, do not go. If you think you can handle all of these rules, no matter how ridiculous they may sound, such as no pictures will be allowed of you and your husband, go. If you have issues with any of them, you maybe can get hubby to work it out, but I wouldn't count on it. So, if you think you can handle them all, go. If you think you can't or don't want to risk it, don't go. If stepkid doesn't invite you to the wedding, take a deep breath and tell yourself, "I'm probably better off not going anyway," because you probably will be better off not going. AND, tell husband to go and enjoy the day with his kids and don't think about it anymore. Plan a dinner with your husband and the new bride and groom for later and offer your best to them at that time. That's it.