I agree frustrated mom, you have to start telling kids life isn't fair and help them learn to get past these disappointments. One day I took my gang to get slushies. Well, the one with diabetes could only have the one flavor that comes in diet and then the baby started crying because he didn't have one. And he isn't even old enough to crawl, so he can't have a slushie. You can't always make life fair or balance things out. It wouldn't be fair to the other kids to not get slushies ever because the baby will cry or their brother with diabetes will feel left out.

Knuckel and Bluebelle,huh??????where does the poster say all those things that you interprete here??
All I can read here is a desciption of the dynamics in her house and how there is jealousy between the children and her DH towards the kids sdad.
I don't see one of the things about wanting him to give up his kids for her son!!!!!!!
I really wonder where you have that from.And also why you have to be so judgemental.

Wth is wrong with u knuckle and blue??!!!

Esp YOU KNUCKLE!!! Where in the Hell has she ever said she wants her DH to give up and abandon his kids??? She gave a equal and fair description on how each SS and even her OWN son are jealous over DH. What each one misses out on with their biodads and stepdads. She even called her son over weight and didn't say anything negative about SSs other than they whine. So i don't see how in the Hell you interpreted what you did.

I honestly cannot believe I had your back the other day and I got complete shit from everyone for it. Aftet that Bullshit blog you put up on the judgmental ways, bullying, negative comments, cruel words, ect that are going on here and how much it bothers you and then ur guna go and completely bash someone??!!!! And then to top it off everything you said in your above bs cruel comment to Frustrated was completely made up shit that you pulled out of your ass. I'm sorry but I don't take to kindly to fake, manipulative, hypocritical ppl. What a joke. Now if you had a right to say what you did, I wouldn't have said a word. But everything you said was complete crap. That's ok bc I totally thought from your anti bullying/ anti put down blog the other day that you wouldn't have done what you did to Frustrated right now. But that's ok. I guess you totally CREWed me on that one. CREW me once shame on you. CREW me twice?? Haha never. }:)

Knuckle and Blue are right. What they posted isn't crap or stuff they just pulled out of the air. The OP has said those things.

She said her ex walked away from her son and both ex and DS are OK with that. She said if her husband would make the same choice, he and his sons will be OK as well. She wants her husband to be just fine with his EOWE visits because the SSs have a SF who is very involved in their lives.

OP, your husband does not want a replacement son, he has two of his own. He doesn't want to sit back and watch someone else play daddy to his kids. He wants to be more than a source of money. He wants to parent his kids.

jealousy is exactly what the problem is. i have never understood why sd19 is so jealous of me. we have totally different roles in fdh's life. she will never be his SO no matter what. i have no desire to be fathered by him. he's only 5 years older than me, if i wanted a daddy, i would have found someone older.

sd is jealous of my relationship with fdh. she's jealous of bd's relationship with me. i think she's jealous that bs4 has had his daddy in his life every day from conception on and she didn't. i think she's jealous of my kids because i am a mother to them and bm wasn't really a mother to her. for cripe sakes, she was even jealous that the damn dog might like me!

at 19 it might be time to grow up and get a grip. especially since you deliberately got pregnant. more important things to worry about now than how much dad loves sm or how much more time bs gets with him than she did.

So back to the OP...

This is one of those nature of the beast kind of things I think. We had SD full time for two years or so and BM faded more and more- taking travel nursing jobs, tho honestly I don't think she was always traveling or working but it was what it was. My sons went back and forth and a lot of my energy was focused on SD and her issues. It's just very hard to find balance. And it is so difficult to ever feel like you can balance it all as parents.

I feel now...

that we have to stop having that expectation that it will ever be balanced and fair. I mean most bio families aren't either. Kids think their sibling is the favorite, the black sheep etc. That's how we grew up -those of us whose nuclear family were intact.

I wish I had a solution to offer. I don't other than to be present for the kids are they are with you. And it sounds like you are both doing that.

I am glad and grateful about BM being actually a rather good parent for SD7 .I don't feel I have to make up for any deficencies.All I want to learn is to cope with the frustration that step parenting brings into our relationship.I don't need to learn how to mother or love SD. But I don't want to resent her and feel angry at SO when he overbabies her.I also dont want SO to be my kids father- once again- I am grateful that my three have a slightly crazy but decent dad.So is very caring towards them though and further ahead in getting the step parenting right than me sometimes.
If I wouldnt have their dad being a part of their lives I think it would be natural to hope that SO and the children would have a more parent-child like bond.As we all know being Step moms and/or Birthmoms, that rarely happens though , but there is nothing wrong wishing for it.
Thanks god we don't share any kids between us, I think I would not cope if SO would put SD7 over the baby.
But that he feels closer to his child than to my children is normal- I feel the same.
I think that some of the things here said towards the OP are unfair, regardless what she may have posted in the past.Especially saying that she is only looking for a husband to play dad for her son.Who are you that you judge her to be reduced to that?How can you know that she is not a loving and caring wife like we all try to be.
Anyway, what strikes me is that I always assumed I already spend too much time here , but some people seem to spend all their time researching and psychoanalizing others in creepy details.I agree with that person who called that projection...there is really no other explanation.

First off when I made my comment the only ones up were knuckles,blues and once. Therefore I didnt see everything that was posted after. But thank you knuckle, I can read just fine. Also, OP said she wants her DH to be ok with the eow with his kids and be ok with stepdad being the primary male role. Sorry, but thats just facing the truth. That is how it is. Either her DH can accept how things are or continue making their lives miserable by complaining about a situation that is out of his hands. On another note knuckle, you just proved my point about you again. Its ok for you dh to play daddy to your kids and not their actual biodad but its not ok for the op?? Either way everything you have commented was an attack against the OP and here you are ganging up on her and others after your antibully BS blog. Hypocrite much?? Like I said I had your back on that blog just to see a day later that you are a negative, cruel bully yourself. I got CREWed by you. Its all good. But now I know your intentions here are not how you play them to be.

Oh and HRNYC likes to do exactly that. I have called her out many times for her attacking people and she never responds. She likes to stir up drama and then.bounce when things dont go the way she likes.

Oncechoose- EXACTLY!!!!^^^^^

What some of you said was just harsh. I really feel that what knuckle said ESP in her first comment was highly uncalled for. Idc what she said in previous blogs. Although some of what you said was true, I feel you twisted, manipulated her words up. You took her feelings in past blogs and projected your interpretation of them here in a very judgemental and offensive way. OP never said anything to deserve the attack you took on her or the way you degraded her as a mother, wife, stepmom and person.

There are so many people here that have said way way worse things. Everyone here at some point has said or wished that their skids never existed or that they would just go away for good. The OP didn't even go as far as to say that. Ive heard people on her call their toddler SDs the spawn of satan, ugly, ect. Ive heard stepparents say their skids arent even allowed in their home. Ive heard stepparents here say all kinds of things. But never have I seen them be attacked like you did OP. That is why I have a problem with what you said. This is not a place where you judge, belittle, degrade, ect a stepmom for expressing her feelings. This is supposed to be a place where you can talk about your deepest, darkest feelings about your blended family situations and the people in it without having to worry about someone judging you. Half the time we are just speaking out of anger and would never act or allow half the stuff we say to actually happen. Its called venting.

After you told your family situation knuckle and it clearly showed similarities to the OPs life... I really wonder what it was that made you go off.. Maybe you are jealous of the OP for whatever reason idk yet...