OK-so some know my story some dont-but in a nutshell-my dh has always had sole custody of ss since he was an infant. However in 2007 he went to live with bm when my dh was deployed. Dh was injured in Iraq and spent several years on a wounded warrior unit and was finally released and medically discharged in May 2011. So ss ended up living with bm for 4 years or so. The initial plan was to take him back-but his behavior was soooo bad that it just didnt seem feasible immediately. A few months after dh got home,bm kicked ss out of her home for growing weed in her yard. He came here for a weekend-and caused all kinds of havoc so my dh sent him over to live with my mil-where he stayed for 7 months until she got tired of his shite and said he had to go. He has been with us since 3/1. We have had major drama since his arrival to include him stealing mine and my dd's underwear, to dh moving out as he did not want to expose us to him, to him failing every single one of his classes, to him giving his 11 year old cousin one of his stimulants, blah, blah blah. However, It appears the tide may slowly be turning. He now only has 3 F's instead of 7 and those all look like they are coming up. We changed his meds. He is not stealing anything. He is generally following rules. He does chores. Biggest issue for the last several weeks is that he is just annoying. Dont think that will change.

So bm has seen ss maybe 3 times since 7/2011. She only lives an hour away. Of those three times-my mil transported him to and from her house. 2 of the trips were full weekends and one was a few hours. She has not seen him for about 3 months now. She pays no child support. When my dh called her at the peak of ss's badness, she was like, "Oh, well. I cant have him in my house but he can call me". She calls dh the othe night and tells him she wants to get ss at the end of the month for his 14th bday and that he could invite 2 friends for the weekend and she wanted to rent out some video game place for him. She has not called ss the entire time he has lived here and to my knowledge did not call him prior to moving in with us. He asked to live with her back in Janurary when things were getting ugly with my mil and she said no.

My thought on a visit is, "HELL no!". There is a court order that noone abides any longer. If she wanted to be a mom to ss14 then that would be fine-she could do eowe, pay some support, and try to be a positive influence in his life. But she is not interested in that. My fear is that we are starting to see some improvements which I feel like are in part because he has hit the end of the road. The kid literally has noone else to live with-he makes it work here or we are going to have to shell out some major cash for him to stay someplace he likely will not like. Dh is very good with consequences, rules, making him earn privileges-which currently he has very few. He has a mattress in his room and that's it. No cell, no internet, no video games, no friends houses (he has no friends at this time)-nothing. I think he will go there, she will be mom of the year, take him for somehting fun and he will once again consider her an option. From the time he moved out of her house he always thought he'd go back.

Bm has a significant substance abuse history-we have no clue whether she is sober or not. She has had legla problems to go along with these issues. She lives with her mom and cannot afford her own home although she has a factory job. She does have her two other kids. SS of course has taken the past year or so to share many bad things about bm-some of which are probably true some of which are not.

Does anyone really think it is a good idea to let this visit happen? Speaking of which this knocks out the weekend that WE could have done something for his bday. The weekend prior we have a church event two days that would make it difficult to fit any sort of celebration in and the weekend after is dh and I's anniversary and we will be out of town.