OT/ but need some advice
I posted last week that my DH and I are moving. When we move, we are moving his grandmother in with us. We are finally moving to a place that allows pets, no weight restriction. This is awesome to me because I desperatly want a dog! A big dog! My DH would like to have one too. Here is the part where I need advice. Grandma says NO! We have to take her opinion into consideration, as she is paying her share of the rent. That being said, the only reason she says no is because she thinks a dog will cost too much money. I was so irratated with her the other day I almost told her, "It is a dog or a baby. And a baby will cost a lot more money and make a hell of a lot more noise."
I had dropped the issue for the most part, because I knew DH didn't want to deal with Grandma complaining all the time about the dog being with her all day. (I personally think she will like having the company, as opposed to being home all day, by herself. Right now she sits in front of a window and watches the world go by.) Today, I get a text from a friend. She knows someone who has an English Mastiff that they can no longer care for. I yelled at her for telling me, because I want it so bad, but know this is not going to be an easy topic to discuss.
So what is your advice? Should I even bring it up to DH tonight? I really want the dog, and I know he does too. The whole discussion may be a moot point, as the people with the dog may not be willing to hold on to the dog until I move mid April. Help!
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I think it depends on what
I think it depends on what type of house/apartment you are moving to? i.e. is grandma moving into an annexe/room/basement separate from the rest of the home...and also it depends on how much she is contributing as a whole to the home?
If she is going to have separate living areas then so long as you make provisions of care for any dog you have, so that grandma doesnt end up doing it for you, I dont see how she can TELL you without discussing it first "No". Same applies if you are paying the majority of the rent...
Obviously grandma does have a right to have a say however tbh I wouldnt like being told I couldnt do things in my own home. One reason I guess I would be extremely reticent in moving someone in with me as inevitably there are issues, disagreements, resentment arising from sharing a house. Plus I would be concerned over how I would live with that person, seeing as there is only room for ONE alpha female.
In all honesty I would be seriously considering whether I would actually want to do this. Your DH is already dragging his heels about confronting grandma calmly about this and discussing it BEFORE you move in - which is no harm in doing - so wtf is DH going to be like when you want to do something and grandma vetoes it?!!!
I know you want a big dog but
I know you want a big dog but jeez, an English mastiff? There's a few things to consider, not the least of which if grandma is going to be home all day is she going to be requested to take the dog for a walk? Is she comfortable around a dog that is about 200 pounds? Is she afraid of being knocked over by the dog? Do you really WANT a 200 lb. dog in an apartment? For that matter, why are the current owners getting rid of it?
And while babies make more noise and cost more initially, eventually dogs, particularly large dogs, remain costly and require extra work for the entirety of their lives.
If your grandmother is paying part of the rent then her opinion comes into play, long story short, it's only fair. Best of luck.
Oh, and I forgot to mention: My first husband and I bought a house together with my mother and we all lived together. Respecting everyone's desires and needs can be a very difficult balancing act, even if you all are equally contributing members of the household.
No body in DH's family is
No body in DH's family is willing to care for her. We are going to an apartment, where she will have full run of things. The problem we run into is that Grandma, who adopted DH when he was a child, still sees DH as that little 7 year old boy. She just can't seem to accept that he is a grown man who is trying to care for her, and start his own family. She is incredibly difficult. He will call her for a shopping list and have to ask her 4 & 5 times what she wants, because she doesn't want to tell him for some reason. We have explained to her, "we are doing this to help you. This will make getting you to appointments easier, and now we won't have to worry about you trying to kill herself because you are lonely." She is such a pain, which is why no one else is willing to deal with her. And with my DH's lack of patience, when she is being difficult, things quickly escalate to a shouting match. (in ESP, because she is from south america, lots of fun. Before I know it, i will know every spanish curse word there is.) We have to do this. I am hesitant, but in the long run, I think it will be for the best.
I am a big dog fan, but an
I am a big dog fan, but an English Mastiff is going to be too much. They are HUGE. Feeding that dog will cost a lot of money, and the amount of shit you have to pick up will be ridiculous. Plus, if it got excited, it could easily unintentionally hurt grandma by knocking her over.
Are you moving into a house or an apartment?
For me, having a dog is not negotiable. I will never live at a place or with a person who disagrees with me having a dog. I currently have a chocolate lab but even in the future, when he dies, I will get another.
You may have to make a serious choice. Either the dog or grandma. Does grandma really want to live with you, or do you want her to live with you? Would she be willing to negotiate? If she won't, then you may have to not live with her. If you have no choice but to live with her, then you may need to wait on the dog.
Just wanted to add that I
Just wanted to add that I have a 75lb dog, and I spend about $80/month on food. That doesn't include treats, toys, poop bags, daycare or dog sitters that I occasionally use, or the vet. Any time he has to go to the vet I can assume it's going to be over $200. I feed really good food though, not the cheap crap, so my food cost might run higher than someone who feeds cheaper food. If you get a 200lb dog, you will be paying probably $150 at the least per month on food.
I have two Rottweilers
I have two Rottweilers between both of them they weigh over 200 pounds. I spend about 250 a month on food and rawhide bones. This obviously doesn't include heart guard which is very expensive for bigger dogs, and then there are the shots, routine office visits for blood work, nail trimmings etc. It is expensive....the bigger the dog the more expense.
My dogs live in the home and are part of the family. Please don't get a dog if you are planning on it being a lawn ornament confined to your backyard, especially this breed ( mastiff) They are very social and want to remain close to their pack leaders.
Please remember also pets are forever and can't be given up when they get bigger or you move or have kids. I'm not trying to talk down to you at all but I have fostered MANY dogs and it is usually the big breeds that people give up.
Thank you all for the advice.
Thank you all for the advice. We are moving into an apartment, which allows the bigger dogs. Mastiffs tend to do OK in apartments, as they tend to be pretty lazy dogs. I was looking up costs on food and stuff last night and trying to talk things out with DH. DH brought up some really good points in that the only reason we can afford to live where we are moving too, is because grandma is helping out with the bills. If she does pass away (unlikely as she is in execellent health according to the doctors) we would have to move and probably wouldn't be able to keep the dog at that point. That would just be heart breaking for me to get the dog and then give it up. Plus, we are living on a tight budget right now and spending $100 a month on dog food would just be impossible as you all have said.
Looks like I will have to live without right now. That kills me as my dog has been gone for 5 years now and I feel like something is really missing from my life. Maybe after we settle in and we see where we stand in the finance department, we can reevaluate the situation.
Thank you all again for your help!