First counseling appt
Went to our first counseling appt last night. the counselor agreed with pretty much everything I said and all of my issues I had with the Skids. He gave my SO a bit of harsh reality of what her kids will grow up to be like if she does not teach them about responsibility and consequences.
He agreed that the best thing for them is to be with their Dad for right now and for us to work on our relationship.
The thing that really struck home with me was that She needs to tell them that they will no longer dictate who she can be with or her happiness. That she will move forward with me in her life and if they don't approve they need to keep it to herself.
He told me that I should not say never to seeing her son again. He stated that in time if he wants to come up to me like a man and apologize for everything that he did I should accept and work on building a relationship again.
We both left feeling better and will continue to work on our relationship in a stress free house.
- capt_lou's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
really great! kudos to you
really great! kudos to you for seeing a counselor that says a lot about you and your desire to make your marriage and family work!
happy you found a good one!
UGH….I am so on the fence
UGH….I am so on the fence about your situation.
First off…your SO could have avoided ALL of this by taking control of her kids. They only did what they were allowed to do.
Second off…I could never get rid of my 15 year old because she was being a brat. Most 15 year old girls are bitches at this age…you don’t just throw them at the BF due to that issues. Sorry…that is just bad parenting to me. Your DD will go through it in a few years and if your DW says that your DD has to go, what will you do.?
Third…you should have pressed charges on that 18 year old. And be aware that if you are planning on this woman to raise your child...she will likely turn out like the skids. JMHO
I get it. 1. She has told me
I get it.
1. She has told me it took to this point to really open her eyes for her to see what I have been saying. Her family finally has been honest to her about what they have seen, and the counselor has was very honest that she messed up. I am not totally over what happened. I told her that I hold her partly responsible. That is for me to trust and forgive her over time.
2. her daughter is living 5 min away and they see each other every day. I do not want her out of my SO life at all. I have encouraged that they spend time together to build on their relationship. I just can't have her around me. She no longer rules the roost. Tough love is tough on everyone.
3. I could have but I just want him to go away and live his pathetic life. He needs a reality check and he is going to get that in a few months when he goes to college. My SO is in a great position. My ex wife and me and very friendly and we are a united team when it comes to raising her. She knows already what a consequence means. It won't be easy when she is a teen but I also know that her BM is not going to undermine me.
I'm with Willow. I think that
I'm with Willow. I think that SO was banking on the fact that she'd be able to coast by without her kids ever having to be disciplined and it blew up in her face. Only when she saw that she was out on the street with her spawn did she all of a sudden "see the light." She is not PARTLY responsible, she is fully responsible for raising such dimwits & siding with her Ex instead of her current partner when it came to handling her business. Your SS will flunk out of college and YOU will be his target for ripping out the rug from under him. I am not liking this at all Lou. Of course, I wish you luck, but change doesn't happen overnight so I am willing to bet that things will be honkey dory for a few weeks and will slowly but surely end up right back where they were.
Yeah it's like the convicted
Yeah it's like the convicted prisoner suddenly "finding" religion.
Day late and a dollar short, IMHO.
REALLY people she sent the
REALLY people she sent the child to live with DAD, she didn't excommunicate her from her life! As I recall another member of this site "paul-in-utah's" step-daughter went to live with her dad...sometimes the other parent is more equipped!
sometimes, neither parent is and it's military school or some other place that has to be decided.
nobody should feel, especially children, that they are so "loved" that they can terrorize everybody in the family and mom will "protect" them. it's not healthy. you can still love a child and have that child live somewhere else.
if i were capt_lou's daughter i would feel that he protected me from a bully and terrorizer not that he would leave me!
"Your daughter has now
"Your daughter has now witnessed that children can be sent away if the parent doesn't want them anymore. This can breed insecurity in her heart - will Daddy send me away too - or false power - got rid of those unwanted sibs!"
^^^^^this is the kind of statement i was referring too!
I can't judge the heart of a woman I don't know, about her honesty or sincerity, I don't know...if this is the first time she's "seen the light" so to speak, she should be given a chance. Based on what I know. Which isn't much. If she regularly kicks the kids out, goes to counseling and then restarts the cycle...then I would be more likely to question her.
You have taken the first step
You have taken the first step in a good direction. I wish you all the best. Your step kids may have to grow up. Before they can see the things they've done. That was the case with my oldest bio daughter. But she did come around and now we have a wonderful relationship. I always keep my arms open for her. But my boundries set firm. Just in case. It took a few trys before it sunk in. Take it one day at a day. Because you will have days that you make progress and days that you back slide. Just know thats normal.