My wishes have come true!
Well I got what I wanted....
last night my So calls me and tells me that she loves me and she is tired of her kids ruining everything. She said that she has made a stand and kicked them out to their dads house. I told her that there is no going back on this. I will not ever allow them back in my house or on my property. I will move all of their furniture down to the garage and they have 2 weeks to come and get it or it will sit by the trash.
I told her that if I see them on my property or in my house I will call the police. Locks are being changed tonight also.
I love my SO very much and when we are away from her kids or just with my kids we are perfect happy family. I am hoping we can move past all of the BS and just move forward together.
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Hopefully she will abide by
Hopefully she will abide by this. I have my doubts, cynical person as I am. Blood is thicker than water.
I am not a very trustful
I am not a very trustful person by nature. I am going to try to make this work due to how we are when they are not around. I have warned her what will happen.
I am hoping so also. I have
I am hoping so also. I have the full support of her family and they think her kids need some tough love that they can not run or ruin mommy's life any longer.
You can BET the ranch that
You can BET the ranch that she, at some point will BLAME and RESENT Cap'n Lou for "alienating" her from her children. Her first reaction was her TRUE reaction. Could it be that Cap'n Lou is just a meal ticket like I am to GG? And she misses that free ride? These guilty parents know no depths to sink to in their deviousness. I found that out first hand and so have a lot of others on this forum that have eventually thrown in the towel.
GG told me that he blames mostly me for his kids not coming around. Despite the fact that the Behemoth was PASing them out beyond belief and keeping them from GG over and over again. I was "mean" to them because I wanted GG to make them brush their teeth and eat wholesome meals; do educational stuff not just sit in front of Spongebob 24/7.
Good for you! Bad for their
Good for you! Bad for their dad, and exceptionally bad for his wife/GF (if he has one)
Heh heh. How long before
Heh heh. How long before daddykins' GF/wife joins this site??!!
Guilty parenting never goes
Guilty parenting never goes away. It's an addition like crack. It gives the parent a temporary high to give their child adult spousal status or to outrageously spoil/pamper them.
The high quickly fades and the jaded kid that's left behind demands more and more until said kid is completely out of control.
Guilty/free ranging/BFF parenting can not be undone by that parent. It has to be undone by a boot camp or life in prison once the felonies start rolling in. This is why I say that a neglectful, overtly bad parent is much easier to overcome than a "MOTY" type who PRETENDS to parent but actually BEFRIENDS her child.
I'm glad you're happy, it's
I'm glad you're happy, it's just too bad that she couldn't have just parented them to begin with and then wouldn't have had to wait for them to get out of control and then kick them out. Well, the son is 18 and should be flying the coop anyway, but her daughter is only 15.
She will resent you for this.
She will resent you for this. Tread lightly. Don't say another word about them, just make it about you two. I have to be very cautious about what I say about SD15 now that she is gone. If I say anything negative, I hate her. I always wanted her gone...yada, yada.
The engagement is off for now
The engagement is off for now and I have told her this. I will not set a date or say I do until I am 100% sure that the rules are being followed and she is totally behind me.
Yes I expect the resentment, I am ready for that. We are going to counseling starting tonight.
Good luck. You've done
Good luck. You've done everything you can and made some really tough decisions. I hope everything turns out for your and your family.
The counseling is a very wise idea. In addition to the two of you mutually benefitting from it, it is another thing that she needs to show compliance with in order to prove that she is serious about working on your relationship.
Not sure what those kids did,
Not sure what those kids did, so may seem extreme to me. I know if my SO told me my kids were not allowed back on the property and if they were found the cops would be called??? The marriage would be over. Blood is thicker than water....
Read my past blogs, I am sure
Read my past blogs, I am sure you will change your tune about these spawns of satan.
@Robby They cursed Cap'n Lou
@Robby They cursed Cap'n Lou out and provoked a physical fight. And DW was angry at Cap'n Lou for gently putting SS in his place.
The kids will be living 5 min
The kids will be living 5 min away at their dads house. She will be picking them up every morning for school and I have no issues nor does she to attend any event or function that they need.
I also will encourage her to spend time with them, whether it be dinner or any other activity. She is not abandoning them, they need a dose of tough love.
I will just not allow them to be at my house. I have a BD8 who is terrorfied of SS18 due to how he provoked me into a fight and hit me with a lamp.
I certainly agree that they
I certainly agree that they need a dose of tough love. However, they need it from their mother. Raising them to be asses & then pushing them off on someone else to deal with them when she's had enough isn't the way to go...IMO.
They need tough love. They need to respect her & those in her home (you). She won't get those things from them if SHE doesn't make it happen. I see it with DH's kids & their BM. They walk all over her because she lets them. We have ZERO behaviorial issues with his kids when they're with us because they know DH won't put up with it.
If she realizes they need tough love, why is she not the one willing to provide it?
And... another parent chooses
And... another parent chooses bed buddy over their kids.
Lovely.
Lou, I would expect this to backfire on you... be prepared.
I truly object to
I truly object to characterizing a person who loves, supports and intends to marry this woman as a "bed buddy" and the children are going to be with their father - not in an orphanage or on the street. It seems that this is a possible way to solve a difficult issue with difficult children. Despite what the current culture preaches, all children are not innocent angels who must be first and foremost in the household. The welfare of the entire family - including the adults - must be considered.
She usually just jumps to
She usually just jumps to conclusions playing BM's advocate.
Yeah, THAT makes
Yeah, THAT makes sense...especially since the BM is the one living with him.
Object away!! They aren't
Object away!!
They aren't engaged.
Actually they WERE until she
Actually they WERE until she allowed her children to run the house. I, for one, am happy to see a step-parent who is willing and able to stand up for himself and not allow guilty parenting to destroy a household. It is my hope for them that they are able to return to engaged status and actually marry. If not, it will be HER loss. As I wrote to Capt. Lou in a previous post, there are plenty of women who would be delighted to be with a man like him and have a step-daughter who is pleasant and respectful!
Genuine good wishes to you,
Genuine good wishes to you, Capt Lou!!!! I will have my fingers crossed for you that this arrangement works.
Good luck! Geez, I think some
Good luck!
Geez, I think some people are overreacting. It's not like you have banned her from ever seeing her kids again, and one is 18, for God's sake.
I agree with the tough love.
I agree with the tough love. I have used that is raiseing my on Bio girls. However the word NEVER is a long time. I can't see any Bio parents NEVER having their child in their home again. If ya'll married it would be her home too. I know you were abused by these kids. I understand boundries. Consequences and punishments. I understand the idea that for a long time you may not want them in your house till they could prove that their behavior has change. By action and not words. IF and that is a big IF, I understand that. They were to mature and try to mend fences are you saying that they still wouldn't be able to come over? If so then why even stay with this Bm because life changes people change. The word NEVER doesn't change. If you really loved this Bm you would not ask her to pick between you and her children. Not necessarly the SS but the SD. SS is grown and needs to be treated as such. But the relationship between the BM and SD maybe already be ruined. Maybe they'll be ok with lunches and suppers. I think I would say till their older and learn to show respect. Stay away from the word NEVER. That one negative word can cause untold damage to a relationship.(yours and BM) Just think on it. I know your really mad right now and you have a right to be. I'm sure I would feel the same way. Take ALOT of time. Go to couseling I'm sure it would do ya'll both some good. Good Luck to you. Even if you choose to start fresh with your Biod.
I agree the not ever is a bit
I agree the not ever is a bit harsh. I do not allow SD19 in my house, but that is her choice. I simply told DH that SD19 needs to admit what she has done wrong (it is a LOT) and apologize to me and I will allow her to visit once more. Nothing doing. She wouldn't admit her wrongdoings or apologize to the evil stepmother (gasp) if her dorm were burning down and I was the only one who could save her.
"if her dorm was burning
"if her dorm was burning down..." LOL That reminds me of a previous poster who said that her SS would not speak to her to tell her that the house was on fire! I wish I could remember who it was so I could give her credit. That was a good one. I used it myself the other day. Hope she doesn't mind that I stole her phrasing - after all, imitation is the truest form of flattery!
I just got caught up with
I just got caught up with your blogs. I'm very happy for you and I hope very much that this works out. The fact that even HER family (skids family) think they need tough love is a big deal too.
Either way, sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and you are standing your ground. So very important!
I have no problem with the
I have no problem with the word NEVER. My SD15 is NEVER moving back into any house I live in with my child....DH can move out if he wants to live with her again....If he does, I will be more than happy to take him for everything he has...I will hire the best lawyer to throw out the pre-nup and I would do it without hesitation, if he picked her over me after what she has done to all of us. Including telling people I BEAT HER.
Absolutely no problem with the word NEVER. That kid attacked the OP, he has a right to say never in his house. His house, his rules. If she wants to be with her kids, she can live somewhere else.