Lost @ the moment
:jawdrop: Well my almost husband is FINALLY divorced. It only took 4 years, she refused to sign the papers and so he went for full custody since they have been in our home since he got them out of states care, she lost them for some stupid things she was doing. She has to be supervised by her mother with the twins. I'm having a problem with the situation, the kids are part of a 5 pack tribe @ my house. Maternal grandmother ask to send toys home with the two kids, i'm not sure what to do about the spoiling of them in my home, I don't buy my kids toys just because all the time, now on every 1st and 3rd week end I fear his twins will come back with toys just because any ideas or suggestions would be very helpful. Also what do I do if they refuse to send back their clothes again, they did this back when she was getting unsupervised weekends?
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Unfortunately u cannot do
Unfortunately u cannot do anything about them spoiling the kids or buying them toys-u can however tell them very politely that whatever they buy them can stay at their house so they have something to play with....bc u have 3 other children and u don't want anyone to feel left out. If they continue to send toys-u tell them before they leave her house or car to go put their toys up bc they stay there...end of story.
About the clothes-do not send a bag if they have not returned the last things u sent n just make sure that u have a few outfits u r ok with parting with....but don't send anything more than what they r wearing u will either get the same outfit back or some of the other clothes...
We played the clothes game n it finally clicked when BM called in a rampage about how trashy SD looked n y the hell we didn't put any clothes that fit on her n her goes we're hanging over her shoes bc they were too small!!!! To which DH replied-we sent her back in EXACTLY what u sent her to us In!!!! The only difference is that SM made sure her hair was brushed n so wEre her teeth!!! .....UR WELCOME!! N hung up!!
Just like dad's do on visits,
Just like dad's do on visits, BM should be providing practical things for them herself when she has them. This includes shoes, coats, clothes. You can get cheap and cheerful stuff, or even charity things (good condition, clean clothes)so tbh she hasnt got much of a excuse in asking you all the time.
Stop doing it. A couple of toys, board game and ball and the children would likely be happy because after all they should be having fun with their mother not glued to only being entertained by toys/tv...again she needs to provide this.
Seems like you already have given her clothes for them when she has had them and not given them back. So you have given a few things, as well as toys(?). Enough.
Next thing you know she will be asking you to bankroll her outings, food and board. My DH pays CS for his kids, always has, always will and dropped everything to get a job to pay for them as much as he can. At least he provided that and we had clothes, toys for him here. Appreciate your ss's are staying at their Grandma's, so may not have designated bedrooms, but how lazy when she cant put some clothes and toys in a suitcase for them when she has them. Shes their mother and needs to learn that its her responsibility in providing them with basic stuff herself, she doesnt get a free pass because she believes she is the "victim" in all this. Accepting yous mistakes and doing is your best should be her motto, to be a mother. Mothering is not only about having fun, its much much more.
Dont enable her to set her own agenda by taking advantage of your generous nature, especially when she doesnt return the clothes for them and steals off of you! Thats not ok. No excuse.
"BM we have provided clothes and toys on x occasion, they were not returned. I think it best, given we cannot keep replacing these items for you to provide the children with what they need while they are with you."
You dont to further justify your actions imo and I would email that message so everything is stored for evidence of her behaviour!
You can't stop grandparents
You can't stop grandparents from spoiling their grandkids. All you can do is c ontrol what comes into your home.
They had it put into the
They had it put into the divorce that they can send toys to our house
My DH has prior kids with 3
My DH has prior kids with 3 different BMs. One of them is constantly trying to send stuff over here with the kiddo.
I politely explained that this is a blended family, and that she should keep everything she buys at her house for use during her visitation times. SD has "transition clothes" and BM is required to send her back in the clothes she is sent over in. If she doesn't, she has to bring them back when she comes to pick SD up the next time, and wait while SD changes clothes. As far as sending toys and stuff with her, we have a closet in our entryway. As soon as we walk in the door to home, anything she didn't leave with gets stuck in the closet, and doesn't see the light of day again til mom comes to pick her up on Friday. This includes a cell phone she sent over for her, as well as electronic toys she isn't allowed to have over here (a handheld gaming system and an iPod loaded with music of a "mature" nature....the kid is 9...she doesn't need to hear the latest anthem about "bitches and hoes".
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your help, I like the ideas you guys have and it's going to be a long week next weekend. It's our first weekend with over night visit in a year.