Food Meltdown: the stand off just reached the 26 hour mark
SS3 has developed pretty severe food issues over the last couple months. BM feeds the kids nothing but pop tarts and cheeseburgers, so they do not respond well to being fed normal food.
Usually, they both like pasta.
SS3 decided he didn't want to eat his pasta yesterday. DH doesn't want to give him anything new until he finishes the pasta. We've been giving him the same plate for over 24 hours and he is now standing in the dining room SCREAMING and crying. He hasn't eaten anything for over a day.
We went through the exact same mess with SS6 about a year ago, and he refused to eat for an entire weekend because he didn't want the peanut butter sandwich DH made him.
I don't understand this nonsense. I was happy to eat pretty much anything as a kid. I didn't like tomatos. That was it. These kids act like it is literal TORTURE to eat normal food. Seriously, someone standing outside the front door would think we were murdering this kid.
I hate this. I hate it. I don't understand how kids can get this screwed up.
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Right? It's just nuts. This
Right? It's just nuts. This behavior is beyond crazy. DH is spooning the damn stuff into his mouth and he just gagged himself and spit up all over the carpet.
Ugh.
DH doesn't think it's fair to
DH doesn't think it's fair to make SS6 go without tv or video games after he's finished with dinner. The problem is that SS3 can see the tv from the dinner table, so he refuses to eat and just sits there and watches tv. as a result, DH has started situating SS3 in the corner with a tv tray, ironically in a location where he can't see the tv. that's why he's not at the table. i guess we could permanently move the table out of TV range, but it would have to be right in front of the entry door in that case.
i agree. i still feel like DH is giving SS3 too much attention. i tried to explain that negative attention is still attention (especially if he is spoon feeding SS) but he gets so upset that it doesn't seem to matter.
the reason is because he's
the reason is because he's been refusing everything lately. also, BM picks the kids up every day at 5pm, so SS has started to refuse to eat throughout the day so that he can eat cookies at her house. i am not exaggerating. the first thing he says every time she picks him up is "i want a cookie" and she says "ok, when we get home."
every single day.
he is going to end up as a diabetic if this crap keeps up.
I remember the battles. Can
I remember the battles. Can you have him help make and choose dinner?
I hated the battles and my SD would go to bms and say she didn't have dinner so bm would allow them in the snack drawer. Finally. Bm blew up at Dh in front of kids. He said hold up YOU REFUSED dinner. Bm was ticked.....from that day forward SD wouldn't get snack unless we called bm and said no time for dinner.
Can you tell bm kid didn't eat?
she honestly does not care.
she honestly does not care. she doesn't make them brush their teeth. doesn't bathe them. her main concern is minimizing the effort she has to exert, so if they want cookies and if they'll cry if they don't get cookies, then she is giving them cookies.
i'm not exaggerating. the doctor has already talked to BM about the boys' diet and told her she needs to start feeding them better. BM didn't change anything at all. nothing. she's been feeding SS3 poptarts since he was 8 months old.
whatever they eat here is pretty much going to be the only real food they get.
yeah, the toe to toe thing is
yeah, the toe to toe thing is unfortunate. it's really not the way i'd like it be handled, but DH just ran out of ideas and patience i think. he is truly worried about this bcause BM feeds them nothing but sugar, and SS3 has started refusing to eat throughout the day (every day) and just waiting until BM picks him up and then eating cookies because she doesn't give a damn about nutrition.
SS3 is already borderline underweight, so we're in a pretty tight spot with the whole food thing.
our weekends actually go from
our weekends actually go from Friday morning until Tuesday morning. So we've had him this whole time.
I'm starting to worry about the food battle as well. SS6 is doing alot better though (especially since the peanut butter sandwich war) so there could be light at the end of the tunnel.
thanks echo. that's where we
thanks echo. that's where we are right now. DH and I are both very nutrition-conscious and BM's crazy food offerings only make DH more nervous about what we feed the kids when they are here.
We have ss3 from 630AM until
We have ss3 from 630AM until 5pm Monday through Friday, and our EOWs are Friday morning through Tuesday morning.
We have SS3 pretty much nonstop. But he's figured out he can just not eat until 5pm when BM comes, so that's been the pattern lately. It's a huge mess.
sometimes she feeds them
sometimes she feeds them poptarts in the morning before we get them. that's it though. it's crap food or nothing at all. i think the SS helping idea is good. i used it with SS6 a couple years ago and it sort of worked. SS3 is generally a bit more relaxed then SS6 so there's a chance it will actually work with him.
When he's hungry enough,
When he's hungry enough, he'll eat. Whatever you give him. He's not going to die or get malnourished because you refused to give him cookies and pop tarts. He's a human. Humans are animals. Animals eat what they can find when they're hungry enough. I would hold out until my fingers were bleeding. This child is in a power struggle with you. DO NOT let him win. The more you give in, the more you're going to have problems with him when he's older. He needs to know where stability, peace and boundaries are - YOUR HOUSE. Not bm's.
This is generally my theory.
This is generally my theory. I would eat anything as a kid. I used to eat paper at school when I got hungry. It's just so weird to watch these kids go through DAYS of not eating though. Sometimes I wonder if they will literally starve themselves to death over a simple power struggle with DH. I don't understand them at all. I guess that's why I start to freak out when the food issues happen. I genuinely don't know how crazy the kids really are, and I guess after SS6 went 3 days without eating, I have no assumptions about survival instincts in children.
We used to put SS in a
We used to put SS in a highchair- until he was close to 4 because hed goof off at the table and have too many "accidents" with his food winding up on the floor.
I also pushed for the stop of pediasures. He knew if he didnt eat, he'd get one of those delicious milkshake tasting ones- there was no incentive to eat.
We moved from boxed mac-n-cheese, bacon, and hotdogs, to eggs, real pasta, and peanut butter, now he loves broccoli and fish. He'll at least try one bite of anything we serve him (and knows if he doesnt like it, he eats everything else on his plate or gets a sandwich).
Keep it up! Results will be slow-but they'll come!
I cannot for the life of me
I cannot for the life of me understand why some kids do this! Is it a control issue? What? I grew up with food insecurity at home and frankly can't imagine sitting down in front of an edible meal fussing.
SD5 used to have major issues like this. I always fixed her a small portion and all she could have was water til she ate. She had, and still has, 2 choices. Take it or leave it. I don't keep recycling her plate, but if she doesn't eat, she gets nothing until the next meal, and we don't have junk here. She's pretty much gotten over it, because she realizes I will let her go hungry and so will her dad. And often, whatever we have for dinner is served for lunch the next day, so it does no good to try to wait me out.