I hate to sound an alarm bell, but watch your back and be prepared for anything from this very angry woman! Forewarned is forearmed. To me BM sounds like a primary candidate to engage in some serious Parental Alienation tactics to keep HER child away from you. ie: fabricating false charges of abuse, etc. Get everything legalized regarding custody, document visits with the child, use video, his behaviour, moods.

If you notice that the child’s behaviour toward has completely changed be advised that BM has started the process of poisoning the child against you. It is surprisingly common for a very vengeful spouse to alienate the child from the other parent so the child will be afraid to go to your house anymore.

Her saying, “she is going to take him to court because she doesn't want random people in her bs's life” shows to me that she will do whatever it takes to make sure of that. Don’t expect rationality to prevail because in situations of PA logic goes out the window.

Read all you can on Parental Alienation…there are lots of resources to google. Hopefully she doesn’t do that, but if she does, you will know what has happened and be able to counteract its devastating effects.

I sure hope it doesn’t go that far, but be prepared just in case.

You should get the custody agreement signed ASAP...Seriously...

Probably not going to change her, but it will protect your SO fully...

Your situation reads exactly like mine, and I've been dealing with this for over 5 years...BM hasn't changed at all, and I've never even met her...She's threatened DH so many times over the years it's crazy...and has even taken him to court over 17 times for random stuff...

DH actually went to court on one of those occasions because she refused to let DH see his daughter until she met me, had a background check conducted and inspected my house...DH told her to kick rocks...She took DH to court...The judge told her to kick rocks...Well he actually told her that it's none of her business who DH chooses to have around SD as long as it's safe, and just as there is the assumption that her environment is safe, the assumption is there for DH as well...

This led her to say that DH was dangerous, had guns, sold drugs, etc...So a 3rd party group had to interview DH and me at our home. They also had to do the same with her...She cried and cried and cried to the judge because she said that SHE should be able to go with the 3rd party to our house...The judge told her that this was going to have to suffice...

The 3rd party interviewer came over, toured our house for like 60 seconds, interviewed DH, then asked if she could talk to me...I talked to the lady for about 5 minutes and that was it...

To say I was PISSED off is an understatement, though I didn't let on to the agent. I served her coffee and chatted it up with her. I basically told her that I guaranteed that our surroundings are 10 times better, stable and more functional than what she'd see when she went over to BM house...I told her that first and foremost, DH and I had great careers and a great home and lifestyle. There's nothing to hide. I told her that I would not under any circumstances be bullied and dogged by BM. I told her that before DH and I got engaged, she didn't have an issue with SD being at our home and she had been coming over without issue or incident for @ 6 months...sooo...I'm clueless as to why she's here other than to waste the courts time to run down the issues of a bitter woman...

At the end of the day, the 3rd party said that our house was fine and a very "loving" environment. They also put in the report from BM's interview with them that she was afraid that I was going to poison SD against her because I'm ALWAYS bad mouthing SD to her...which was totally untrue as I didn't give a damn one way or the other about BM, so SD and I never had conversations about her mother...

Over the years it hasn't changed...

The most recent is that she's sat SD down and gone over the CO with her...An 8 year old...*rolls eyes*. And she's given her a calendar and told her about all the days DH misses (something untrue). She's told her about court and how that DH hates her and is trying to get SD taken from her...Just craziness...SD is way too young to be able to read and understand the whole concept of a CO...Hell, BM barely understands it...

That's my experience.

The things that have helped me the most is to stay out of DH and BM's craziness...It used to be that she could get a rise out of DH, but to add me to that dynamic was certified shit storm...So I'd just listen and advise...I never got into it with BM...She's never even heard the sound of my voice...She's a non-factor in our lives...She's BECOME that after much work and perspective on DH's part.

He follows a Parallel Parenting plan vs. a co-parenting plan because of the lunatic that she is. (she's physically attacked him at court and went to jail...for example of how crazy she is). He is a VERY involved parent. I had to disengaged early, and that caused him to "step up" to where he was supposed to be. Does he do everything the way I think it should be done? No...But he takes care of his family and his responsibilities regarding SD and manages BM, and that's all I ask...

Do I want to punch the woman? I used to. Now I just want her to leave us alone and get a life. I really don't care how she views us, talks about us, whatever...It truly doesn't matter as she's not important...I'm still bothered by her trying to take advantage of my DH and trying to take away his rights as a father. I'm still bothered by how she paints DH to SD...I'm still working on that...