SD refuses to work over Xmas break.
Update to the flights that I posted a few days ago: SD17 and SS15 are for sure not going to their mom's for Christmas break because BM cannot afford the plane tickets. DH refused to pay for them for her. He also refused to allow SD 17 to use her savings account to pay for them at BMs request (she wouldn't pay it back).
So SD17 had requested 12/20 through Jan 4 off work because she would be at her mom's. With that not happening, DH told her to inform work she will be here so she can pick up a few hours.
She's refusing because she needs "a break" and wants to hang out with her friends. Translation - doing absolutely nothing the entire break.
She has done this before. She did not work all summer and didn't start working her part time job again until about October.
She doesn't have anything else TO DO. She apparently doesn't do her homework (failed two classes last tri and is now a credit short to graduate). She isn't involved in ANY activities...sports, music, etc. Nothing.
I've been letting her use my old car for over a year now for work, because I feel her working is important. Her lack of work ethic drives me crazy.
Long story short, but the car started fire yesterday and is totaled. It wasn't anyone's fault (it was a really old car).
DH told her that we would be willing to drive her to and from work over Christmas break, because now more than ever she needs to work. She wants a car, so she has to work and save. We can't afford to buy her a car. She still refuses to go to work over Christmas break. I mean come ON, she only ever works about 3 days a week anyway.
She then proceeded to tell DH that she can use the insurance $$ towards a car. WTF?? First off, she has no clue that we will probably get next to nothing for the old beater.
Right now, I'm so mad with her sense of entitlement. I feel like telling her that I worked HARD and paid for that car, so I will be using the insurance money (maybe towards the credit card for the $800 flight they missed last year which SD said it was her fault because she didn't want to come home).
My thought is apparently, she doesn't have enough REASON to work. If she wants a car, she can dang well work for it.
She and her mom constantly throw out there that she is almost 18 (3 months away) and can do what she wants then. Fine. So be it. Maybe it's time to learn that when she's 18 she certainly can do what she wants. And so can I/we. We don't have to support poor decisions or laziness either.
Ugh! Please tell me I'm not way off base on this and that her refusal to pick up a few days of work over Christmas break is absolutely apalling...because she needs a "break" and wants to "hang with her friends"! She already knows we won't be carting her back and forth to her friends.
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Really, a lot of teens are
Really, a lot of teens are lazy with a sense of entitlement. As soon as the gravy train stops, they'll get over it. And, bottom line, you can't make anyone do anything...just provide consequences for actions. SD does not want to work...ok, SD doesn't get a new car. Focus more on showing her the consequences of her actions as opposed to focusing 100 percent on a certain outcome...which usually backfires.
No, DH wouldn't allow SD to
No, DH wouldn't allow SD to use her savings account for college to go visit her mom (and pay for SS ticket too). Mom realized a week and a half before the flight date she wanted that she couldn't afford it. She wanted us to pay for it. We did that once for her when they missed a flight last year and BM has not made an effort to pay any of that back. It is her MOM'S responsibility to take care of the the flights there.
If she unfortunately cannot visit her mom and is at home doing nothing, why can't she work a few shifts? Again, she wants a car and is already whining about not having car. How exactly will she get a car?
She isn't doing well in school because she doesn't do the work. She has plenty of time. In fact, on most occasions where she received Fs, the evening before (and I mean ALL evening) was spent on the computer - facebooking, chatting, texting and the next day the posting of missing work that wasn't done online. THAT is why she isn't doing well in school. Not because she works 2-3, 5-6 hour shifts (usually on the weekend). She has plenty of time to do her homework, but chooses not to.
DH tried blocking sites, giving her time limits, no cell during homework and the drama that ensued was not worth it. It didn't make a difference either. So now, the only he does is have the computer shut off at 11PM automatically and her cell phone.
I remember when my sister got
I remember when my sister got poor grades, my parents made her bring all of her schoolbooks home every night and would check all homework after she was done. They also cancelled cable TV, cancelled her cell phone, and she couldn't go anywhere on school nights except to school activities.
They also called all her teachers, left their phone number, and told them to call them immediately if my sister missed an assignment.
I mean, there's ways you can up the consequences enough so she'll go along with what you want.
The downside is that you'll have to suffer a lot too...
DH has tried a lot to try and
DH has tried a lot to try and get her to improve her grades...one was no car for a time period. But nothing has worked. I think the cell phone would work, but the drama BM and SD would create would make our life more of a living hell.
She knows where she stands (and did so before failing two classes first tri) and what she needed and still needs to do in order to graduate. At 3 months away from 18, we figure it's time she is just going to have to learn on her own and accept responsibility for her own schoolwork (or lack thereof). DH has talked to the school counselor who works a lot with SD for the past several years and she too has finally just said she is going to need to learn "natural consequences" because nothing the school tells her makes a difference either. SD also readily admits to us that she is just "lazy" with her schoolwork.
I personally 100% agree with what your parents did; however, DH could NEVER do anything like that in our home (nor do I believe he would have enough 'wherewithall' to do it either). The downside would be horrendous and we have been through it numerous times already.
Their mom does not agree with ANY sort of discipline. Taking a cell phone away for any reason is considered "abuse" according to her (it has happened several times). And she tells the kids that.
She has done the same when we took the use of the car for a time period due to her behavior (temper tantrums and screaming and failing grades). It was "abuse."