I hate my own SM
I am a SM myself and we aren't the Brady bunch.
But...I learned how not to be a SM from my own SM.
Thanksgiving in my family....
Her kids get invited weeks ahead of time, my family gets invited when dad happens to run into my DH at grocery store 5 days ago. My sister is invited when she calls dad yesterday.
Well I had declined as I was cooking
My sis wanted to go and wanted us to.
I suggested I cook as planned and take everything over to add to her meal, since if both sis and I went it would be an extra 13 people.
Didn't want to offend her so I called her son and asked what he thought. He says great idea I don't think she will be offended.
Nope...she wasn't offended, just said oh Nevermind u aren't invited now it's too many people.
No matter how much I am not getting along w my skids I can never imagine doing that...and yes I know it is my dads fault too but it hurts
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This is just one of many
This is just one of many things over the years, she does it and he allows it. It took me many years to also include him in who is to blame.
I guess I would never not include a part of my family, and we as an extension of him are a part of the family.
And then SM wonder why there is resentment between step-siblings.
I resent them for being able to spend the day with MY dad and his own children are excluded. We have always invited them but they never show up, to anything.
I have always been polite, and overly nice to my SM. and this is what I get in return.
Kinda follows that for years their big holiday dinners are made according to my stepbrothers schedule as he has to work holidays, and yet so do my sis n I and there is never any consideration for our schedules.
What are the holidays without the holiday drama!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Hon I do think you are
Hon I do think you are misplacing the blame just a little here. mainly b/c most men think about it they don;t really think to do those things. I also bet that your sm asked him several times if he talked to his kids to make arrangements and he didn't til the last min. Then when the last min thing about you cooking and going to their house came about she may have already planed everything and may not have had room and she might have also wanted to get her point across that he can't just assume at the last min.
That is something I would have done. If my dh can't do something like that even while I was behind him 'nagging' him til I just give up then yeah i will go ahead with my plans and tell him too late!
Sorry if I sound like a bitch but you know we can only do so much and it really IS up to YOUR dad to make sure HIS kids are included.
She was probably stressed about the cooking and cleaning and everything else and only wanted him to get a ho;d of HIS kids which he did not do til it was too late.
Not always is the blame
Not always is the blame misplaced we dont always know the dynamic that leads to the choices thesm or biodad make. My dad made the choice that we can't get him a gift if we didn't get one for sm my lil sis made a purchase for our dad her first trip to europe a collectable she at 16 didn't have the money to purchase more no other family member got a gift as fathers day was coming up. He hid the gift and when sm found it she threatened to divorce him. I've never had an abundance of money to cook or buy or do for as many as I'd like. Now none of us kids get our dad gifts or cards since she'll make his life miserable and he'll put up with it. Lots of guilt trips make for stubborn children. I learned the same lesson how not to be a sm from my own. Doubt I'll be perfect anyway no one is, I can just be better. Sorry you went on such a round about with your dad and sm over thanksgiving I would of thought bringing your food would of been a brilliant solution, I probably would of got the same response from my sm as well.
I just notice that I never
I just notice that I never hear any stories of skids getting gifts for their stepmom. Never, ever, not one single time!!!
But these same skids do not mind receiving gifts from their stepparent.
I think it is rude to accept gifts if you are not exchanging gifts, once you are over, say 16 years old and can work.
I always get a gift for my
I always get a gift for my SM, every single year.
Thanks for the input. Ended up having a wonderful Thanksgiving.
And no, my dad who is pushing 80 with lots of chronic health problems cannot help cook and clean. Shit he can't walk 10 feet without being really short of breath.
Hope everyone had a great day.