Privacy for an 11 year old
How much privacy should an 11 year old girl have. Obviously gettind dressed and things like that are private but if you feel your child or step child is sneaky, should you as a parent have the right to go through their notes, notebooks etc?
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Other than getting dressed,
Other than getting dressed, children in my home (bio or step) are not entitled to privacy. Privacy, just like trust, is earned. I reserve the right to inspect cell phones, computers, rooms, etc.
If you live under my roof and
If you live under my roof and don't pay bills it gives ME open access to invade all of your space. that includes, computers, phones, drawers, bookbags etc...
This is how I feel but my
This is how I feel but my husband disagrees. He said she will never trust us if she knows we are going through her stuff. My sister and I found a notebook of hers and went through it and there was a drawing on one page of my husband and above it she had written "my lunatic dad is crazy" I told him about it and he wasnt bothered by it at all. I was! HE said it was probably nothing and we shouldnt be looking at her things.
I thought my answer would be
I thought my answer would be unpopular, but I guess not. No, you dont' pay your own way, you don't get unlimited privacy. When skids go home I check through their room. They rarely ever leaves anything, but you never know. I am ALL KNOWING, in my house. If you get something passed me, that is my own fault.
And yes, when I've been home alone with their stuff, I've looked through their bags.
Ok the hard thing is how do I
Ok the hard thing is how do I get my husband to see this also??
Not sure. He may not come
Not sure. He may not come around.
In that case, what's for him to see? Do it for yourself. You may not be able to go to him with the info, but you won't be surprised when/if a big shoe drops.
I guess thats true. Im here a
I guess thats true. Im here a lot alone more than he is so i have a lot of opportunities to look through things. But what if i find something thats proof ? do i take it to him? Keep it to myself and wait for the Crap to hit the fan??
You will be the bad guy and
You will be the bad guy and he will kill the messenger. You will be "picking on her". Unless it something that will bring her imminent harm I leave it go. Let the crap hit the fan then in your head just know "I told you so".
I just don't like being surprised. I like to know what is coming.
I guess I should say neither
I guess I should say neither child keeps a diary/journal so I have not been confronted with that issue. I do typically respect people's journaling as private.
The notebook was left at my
The notebook was left at my sisters house and she flipped through it to see what it was, realized it was hers, saw the drawing and showed me.
Well you weren't snooping
Well you weren't snooping then. What was the drawing?
Do you think it puts her or other's in harms way? If not, then I would leave it go.
No I don't think she would
No I don't think she would harm anyone or herself as of now. I just found it shocking to see her write something about him. If anyone I figured she would write it about me since I'm the reason her whole world is upside down right now.
Maybe she doesn't feel that
Maybe she doesn't feel that way.
In this case, since someone else found it and brought it to your attention you could tell him about it. Don't be upset if he doesn't do anything though.
If it were me, I'd let it go.
I agree that she is not
I agree that she is not entitled to privacy. I go thru my ss's things if I can everytime he visits as he has abouta 10 year history of stealing. I feel it is justified. I look thru my kids facebook pages daily. Now, that being said-you also need to recognize that sometimes you may find things you dont want to see. We all need to vent sometimes-as perhaps your sd was venting about her dad when she drew that pic. I dont think that should be used against her. For example, I have referred to my dh as an "asshole" on here-do I really, in general, feel as if he is an asshole. Well, no,not really-but sometimes he acts like one. I wouldnt want him reading something I wrote about him in a moment that I was angry and generalizing it to that is how I feel all the time.
As far as getting him on the same page-I would just agree to disagree. Tell him you feel you have the right to search since it is your home. If you find her making comments about him-dont tell him-he is not concerned. If you find something dangerous-drugs, etc or she is stealing from someone then I would tell him those sorts of things.
Thats a good way to look at
Thats a good way to look at it. Thank you for your advice . I think I will do just that.
I look thru my SD11's
I look thru my SD11's overnight bag before she leaves my house. Last time I found my nail polish in her bag. I asked her what it was doing there, she claimed that it was on her bed and must have fallen in. I said "oh really? Well, in case you put it in yourself, do NOT ever take anything that does not belong to you without permission." THAT is why I snoop thru everyones things.