The talk with the Princess.
I recently asked Princess to come have dinner with FDH and I. She Put it off with her many excuses about being too busy, and having so much on her plate... We finally got her to agree. We had her meet us at Taco bell. Yes taco bell. Were too broke for fancy sit downs.
We started off discussing the kids poor behavior and asked her what she has been doing at her house and if she is having the same problems we are. EX: SD8 is very rude and mouthy, but a month ago she was sweet and snuggly all the time. SS6... Well... We think he has a learning disability. He doesn't understand the things that we ask him. I asked him to put the baseball bat on the lawn. He set it at his feet. Or telling him to put his shoes away and he'll put them on. Something is getting lost in translation. ANYWAYS. We started discussing these things. AND Princess was so cooperative! I was in shock. We then went on to ask her if there was anything she would like us to work on. Anything to make her life run smoother. She just wanted the kids clothes that they wear to our house sent home with them. Not a big deal. I told her we would like the same then.
She asked if there was anything that we wanted her to work on... And this was hard for me to not just drop the ball and say "OH HELL YEAH!" I think i handled it rather well though. I rounded everything we were having problems with into 3 or 4 requests. One of them was asking her to be to our home in a timely manner to recieve the kids. Midnight on a school night is a huge no no.
Now she was a peach with everything else we had said... so when she sharply turned to me and said "No. Nope. Not gonna happen. Those are my nights of freedom. I NEED to have time to myself to do what i want or i'll go crazy. Besides, the kids like spending time with you." It took me a second to recompose. I understand all too well that need for time to yourself. Im a full time, SAH mom. I get that. BUT, WE have the kids every weekend, and twice a week... AND SHE IS THE ONE THAT IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE MAIN CUSTODY??
She doesn't work. And all the kids are in School full time... so... am i missing something? Is she Batman on the side? What am i missing? If my kids were all in school, then i would make time then... Durring the day... to be by myself. I just don't even know how to respond. I finally said "well, im sure that when the kids get home late like that its harder to get them bathed and teeth brushed, jammies, ya know, get them ready for bed..." She said "Nope not at all. I just pluck them from the car and lay them in their bed. So its pretty easy for me." uhg... This is why the kids brush twice a day at our house and shower every time we get them... Because Princess doesn't care.
SO... she was supposed to pick them up Sunday night at 9 o'clock. 9:15 rolled around and i loaded them up and took them to their grandma's. She won't tango with her mom. And i knew the kids would get a goods nights sleep. We brushed their teeth and sent them with jammies to make it easy as possible for grammy. We sent princess a text to let her know where the kids were. 10:30 she called asking where the kids are. and we explained to her again that we took the kids to her moms. SHE GOES NUTS!! Turns out her mom has been battling Cancer!! How were we supposed to know? So we apologized and asked her what she would like us to do then on evenings when she is extreamly late. (Were not "allowed" to have the kids spend school nights at our house. Its hard for them getting to sleep here only to be woken up an hour later by their mom, tossed in a car and falling asleep again. woken up and tossed in bed at 1:00 in the morning.) She said "Nevermind... Yeah just take them to my mom's" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Princess... Your mom is sick and your kids are tired... grow up for the love of god!!
I would love to know what else we could do. They have a 17 year old sister at home some nights... but i hate doing that to her. Its not her job to be a parent.
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Comments
Do you have a CO that states
Do you have a CO that states pick up times? If so, take her butt back to court. If it's that late, why can't the kids just spend the night with you and you take them to school in the morning? What a selfish woman woman you're dealing with. So unlike other BMs...wait...NOT!
Their divorce is still
Their divorce is still waiting to be signed off on by a judge. She is supposed to take a "parenting after divorce" class. Its a requirment in our state. But she is putting it off so nothing is finalized. She doensn't allow the kids to spend the night unless she gives permission. Its a pain but we have to just go along with it, she is the primary custudy holder. We just have "visitation" if it can even be called that. We almost always have the kids.
Our BS2 is in bed by 8 as
Our BS2 is in bed by 8 as often as possible. I wouldn't mind 9 as much if i knew she was actually going to be punctual. But she never is. I haven't kept record since they went to get the divorce! I really should have. I was so stupid to think that once they were sepperated things would get better. I'll start recording again. Is there anything else i could keep with the record? Or anything else i might need to record should this come up in court later?
Document ALL bad behavior. I
Document ALL bad behavior. I would tell her that if she is not there by 8 or 9 or whatever time you want, don't bother coming. Then don't answer the door. You should not be required to stay up until midnight waiting for her to get the skids. Can you get a temporary CO?
I'm not even sure how we
I'm not even sure how we would go about getting one. Or if that's something that Our state does? I'll have to look into it. I worry about repercussions with just locking the door when she's late. I don't want to end up loosing the kids because we put our foot down. She is just crazy enough to do that...
We have a drop off time and
We have a drop off time and pick up time now. So glad because it gives accountability. Otherwise, BM was picking him up at 7:30 AM...It was nuts. Since we changed the CO, we had that put in. You need to get someting in writing with the courts. She is never going to change otherwise...
Their divorce is still in the
Their divorce is still in the air... Im wondering if there was an actual time assigned. Thank you. I'll look into that
Some times it takes anothers reminder or insight to remember that we have so many other options. I think i just get blinded by the drama at times.
WE ARE SO SCREWED!! There is
WE ARE SO SCREWED!! There is no time what-so-ever indicated in the Custody agreement in their divorce!! nothing. We looked over holidays and all the other joint items and there at least 20 loop holes in the agreements!! Im so glad that this was brought up and brought to our attention. We could have made huge errors and never even realized it until months or years down the road!!
Do you have an attorney?
Do you have an attorney? Consult them and find out how to add the pick up times. In our situation, parenting time has to be written in the CO very specifically, otherwise BM will abuse it. Heck, she tries to anyway, but we have something to fall back on. Be specific if you have to. DH has mapped out every weekend he is supposed to have them for the whole year. That doesn't mean you can't be flexible sometimes. But in cases like this, structure is better for everybody.
We do and we are getting
We do and we are getting right on it. He is supposed to go to his office on Monday!
Will do thank you You make a
Will do thank you
You make a good point in putting the few moments she's on time in there too. I think that it will make us look alot more credible if it ever does end up in court.