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SO's a little on the clueless side...(& by a little, I mean A LOT!)

Anywho78's picture

Submitted by Anywho78 on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 1:11pm

When SO & I got together, there were many instances where I was very close to leaving. Over the last couple of years, things have been great. We are engaged & meant to marry in 2014 after he finishes his degree.

In the past 3 years, he worked hard to change things that left me feeling unhappy & used...he stopped sending CS money back to BM Nasty (she threatened she would sue for custody of resident Skids…like THAT would ever happen!). He stopped putting BM Nasty’s happiness above mine. He stopped talking to BM Nasty like she was his BFF & instead treats her like the crappy XW whore that she is.

We worked with the resident Skids to ensure that they at least meet age appropriate behavior.

He no longer bends over backwards or kow-tows to teenage SD’s or BM Redneck as he realizes that no matter what he does, they will ALWAYS treat him like crap, unless they want something.

With his nastiness in blaming me last night for his “having to yell at *his* kids because of ME” due to the fact that they didn’t have rules when I met him…

It’s left me thinking…how much more do I take? How much more time do I put in, explaining to him why MY FEELINGS should matter? Why should I have made all of this effort & for what? I’m hurt, I’m confused, I’m feeling so alone…and HE wants to go to lunch…not realizing what emotional turmoil I’m in…UGH!

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dragonfly5's picture

Submitted by dragonfly5 on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 1:26pm

Can you share with him, how you feel right now?
Or will another attack ensue?

Maybe you should risk it, remind him of how far they have come. How far all of you have come.

I wish you well.

Anywho78's picture

Submitted by Anywho78 on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 2:05pm

Normally, I would tell him how I'm feeling or what is on my mind with these types of issues...if I wasn't that type of person, I wouldn't be here, with him now.

However, he is studying hard for a difficult test for school (he takes it tomorrow)...I had planned on talking to him on Saturday so that this doesn't add to the pile of crap that is life (for both of us) right now. Ge reacts VERY badly if he's stressed so I'm not going to do it right now.

He knows I'm upset, he knows I cried like an emotional 13 year old girl, alone, in our bed last night & he responded by trying to get me drunk & then proceeded to act like my personal (very pushy) servant..."want something to eat?", "are you hungry?", "want me to make you a snack"?, "aren't you wanting something to eat?", "here's your blanket", "let's watch YOUR show tonight"...seriously, I ended up asking him if his playing a ridiculously naggy man-servant was meant to erase what had happened, to which he responded with a sulky "no".

We've had issues in the past but SO quickly came around due to remembering how the Skids were before but he's NEVER blamed me like he did last night. I think that's what's got me so hurt!

I'll be talking to him this weekend & I will offer the "free-range" style of parenting provided he doesn't complain to ME when SS's teachers want to ring his neck or when SS is getting bullied (his speech WILL slide & his ticks WILL get worse!). I also won't want to hear about how SD's friends don't want to play with her because she's a creepy bossy little turd who treats everyone else like crap...they ALL must also be aware that IF this goes through, I will NOT claim them as mine (SD gets offended when I've said "I don't have any kids of my own, I've got dogs)...it will go back to "I've got dogs, not kids" & I will not cave from that. They will also not be allowed to call me "mumsy" but rather "Anywho" as the term "mumsy" implies that I hold responsibility for their freaking upbringing!

See? This SUCKS!! They've already been practically abandoned by one woman...I don't want to be the second "mother" figure that they lose!

BREATHING...BREATHING...BREATHING

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 2:10pm

"how much more do I take? How much more time do I put in, explaining to him why MY FEELINGS should matter? Why should I have made all of this effort & for what? I’m hurt, I’m confused, I’m feeling so alone…and HE wants to go to lunch…not realizing what emotional turmoil I’m in…UGH!"

This sounds like a great opener for a talk with him.

I hope this works for you.

Newstep's picture

Submitted by Newstep on Thu, 09/15/2011 - 2:57pm

I also feel your pain Sad I know for myself I will never put up with being pushed aside for BM or SD's ever again. I have made a committment to myself that if BF ever puts my feelings aside to cater to BM or SD's then I am out the door.

I dealt with this for a few months and it was terrible, I am glad BF saw the light and put up some boundaries with them.