One more try .... can't drop it completely but ... how about this?
Dear Cody, 08/29/2011
Hello son. I missed last week so my letter streak is now restarting. Good job on your last test. That puts you at a 90 or above on every test based on the grades you told us about.
We have been pretty busy the past couple of weekends. Two weeks ago Deema and Deepa came down for a visit. We had a good time. Nothing too exciting just good family bonding stuff. Last weekend we actually did not leave the house except to hike around the lake a couple of times. We have been getting stuff ready for the paperwork for the Qatar assignment. Your mom is getting excited about Qatar. This will be her first international living experience and she seems to be looking forward to it.
How is your relationship with your room mate going? You have mentioned the last couple of calls that you don’t care for him too much primarily because of his incessant Wii and Xbox gaming. I bet you have not missed the irony of his behavior and how much it annoys you. You are growing up kid. Good job. And .... Woo Hoo!
Thanks for giving your mom a call on her birthday. We both enjoyed talking with you. Your energy and interest in what you are doing is obvious and your mom and I are thrilled that you are so engaged in what you are studying and engaged in the USAF. We are proud of you.
Now for the mom phone call lecture. With the time you are spending on WOW you can give your mom one 30min call a week and your Deema and Deepa 15mins a week. MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!! I would not mind a 5min call myself. Throw you dad a bone please.
We are planning on heading down to Biloxi so see you Labor Day weekend so we will give you a call to make sure you have our visitor’s access set up. Expect Deema and Deepa to come with us and we will drop off one or the other of the cars for you.
We are starting to get stuff staged for disposal or storage. You will need to send your mom a comprehensive list of your stuff that you want to keep. We are going to empty the house and get rid of just about everything before we leave for Qatar so whatever you want you need to tell your mom and we will box it up and save it for you. We are either going to give all of the furniture to Dana’s parents or your mom, Deema and Deepa are going to take a U-haul road trip to Oregon and give it to your mom’s family. Pretty much all we are taking to Qatar is our clothes and a few personal items. Everything else is gone …… soon.
Well, I have to get back to international assignment paperwork.
I love you son. And …. CALL YOUR MOTHER. Really dude, call her.
Love, Dad.
- Rags's blog
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Comments
It's a little nicer...but
It's a little nicer...but what can't you drop it completely? What's stopping you?
Leave the "call your mother" at the end, but take out your "lecture" line.
Now for the mom phone call
Now for the mom phone call lecture. With the time you are spending on WOW you can give your mom one 30min call a week and your Deema and Deepa 15mins a week. MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!! I would not mind a 5min call myself. Throw you dad a bone please.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You should leave the above out, but if not, then you should change to "Please give your mom AT LEAST one 15 min call a week and your Deema and Deepa AT LEAST 10 mins a week. We all miss you and I would not mind a 5min call myself. Throw you dad a bone please."
And since you insist on calling him out on the calls, in the body of the letter, you should leave the following out....And …. CALL YOUR MOTHER. Really dude, call her.
Instead of: Now for the mom
Instead of:
Now for the mom phone call lecture. With the time you are spending on WOW you can give your mom one 30min call a week and your Deema and Deepa 15mins a week. MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!! I would not mind a 5min call myself. Throw you dad a bone please.
How about:
Your mom and I think it is nice that you are keeping in such close contact with your (sperm donor) and siblings, we will admit however to feeling a little jealous of the time they receive. Do me a favor that will make your mom happy. Pick one night out of the week, any night, and schedule a phone date with your mother. Name the day and time that fits your schedule. That once a week phone call would mean a lot to your mom and to be completely honest also to me.
What do you mean by 2 years?
What do you mean by 2 years?
Not so much waffling as I am
Not so much waffling as I am trying to get the message across in a way that lets him know how we feel but respects his independence and self reliance. And .... to keep the message in front of him that the SpermClan are nothing but worthless pieces of shit and his mom (and I) and my parents are the ones that have always delivered on his best interests.
Without actually using the words "your SpermClan are all worthless piences of shit, have not earned one second of you time so quit waisting you time on them and engage with the people you know damned well love you and have your best interests at heart".
I will not let this whole issue go and have promised myself that when the SpermClan elders start keeling off, which can't happen too soon, that I will attend their funerals just to piss on their head stones.
I detest these morons and any thread of their toxic and shallow gene pool that dims my son's character and opportunithes just pisses me off to no end.
So, how do I get his all across in a way that does not alienate my kid from his mom and I and the family that actually gives a shit about him?
Oh, dear, Rags...now you DO
Oh, dear, Rags...now you DO sound jealous that there's another half to SS's family.
I know it's difficult to see a child you've helped raise spend time and attention on people who you don't believe are worth it.
BUT,
They are his family, too. He is half their DNA. Actually, it's a good thing that he has this contact with him because watching a child try to get over the abandonment of a parent is an excrutiating thing. And they never really do get over it.
SS has routinely seen the other side of his family. You have routinely accepted their money to help support him.
You run a very strong risk of alienating your SS... he may just decide nothing he ever does is good enough and his other family accepts him just the way he is. You'd probably be crushed. And your wife would be pissed that you ran him off.
Bitterness only hurts those who harbor it.
Actually I am not jelouse at
Actually I am not jelouse at all. It just breaks my heart to see him chasing them like an abandoned dog, they have had little to nothing to do with him outside of visitation and have not since he was 1yo. No participation in his life, no nothing. Not one call on a birthday or any other holiday, not a call of congratulations when he graduated from HS, nothing but bitching and ridicule when he joined the USAF, not a call when he graduated from BMT, nothing. But they sure pile on the "pay for WoW accounts for me and your sister and brothers so we can interface" and "can you send us money for your younger sibs, pleeeaaaasseeeeee?".
When he was a todler we would send him to them for visitation 80% toilet trained and he would come home in a loaded diaper with butt rash so bad his anus would bleed and his ass was covered with puss filled welts. They would not bathe him for days. A 2-6yo comming home after a 1-6wks visitaiton with BO so bad the Flight Attendent commented to us about it when we would pick him up from the airport is nothing but pure evil.
When we would call them about the condition of his anus and genitals and being in a diaper their anwer was "we don't have time to take him to the toilet every time he asks". :jawdrop:
I intend to make them pay forever for their evil treatment of my kid.
I am currently working with my attorney to sue them for half of every penny I have spent raising him over the years and to collect the ~$6K that DickHead owes for his half of unpaid medical bills.
I won't get a dime for what I have spent raising him but just hearing them whine about a $100,000.00+ law suit will be worth the cost of filing the suit. I will get every dime of the medical expenses because we have billed them several times a year for more than a decade and the Judge has already ruled that penalties and interest are accrueing.
I hope SpermGrandMa has heart failure when her idiot son comes crying to her about the $100K law suit. }:) I will show sympathy to my kid over her demise but when he is not around it will be one hell of a party. And when she goes and SpermGrandPa quits supporting the SpermIdiot and the spawn (he detests the SpermIdiot) I will laugh my ass off when he goes to prision for robery to try to maintain his life style. Again I will truly grieve for the pain this will cause my son but when the kid is not around it will again be party time!
The kid has found and asked about the photos of his bleeding anus, puss filled welts, half inch long finger and toe nails, black grunge in his arm pits, behind his ears, etc..... He knows they are evil and worthless pieces of shit yet he drools after them like they are dieties or something. He has also seen the Pediatricians reports on his condition when he returned from SpermClan visitation when he was young. He knows the facts and the truth. Unfortunateld the truch has not yet set him free.
He knows the truth and yet he actively responds to their manipulations because he is starving for any attention from them that he can get.
Nope, I am not jelouse one bit. I am angry at them for how they have screwed my kid up and I am disappointed in him for not using his head and the facts of the situation to keep them shoved in the cess pool they pop out of occassionally to take advantage of him.
It truly crushes me when his mom or I say something along the lines of "Son, this is starting to look a lot like the last time you spent so much time WoWing with (DickHead) and your half sibs and nearly flunked out of HS" and he says in a sullen and sheepish tone of voice "I know Mom/Dad. But this is the only way I get to talk to them at all."
A family wide Darwin Award can not come too soon for them all IMO.
sounds a little like my
sounds a little like my ex...
WoW is his WORLD. Even over his kids.
If I may ask, why did you never pursue a stepparent adoption of SS? If he's been so poorly cared for and you guys didn't need the CS $, I guess I don't understand how you didn't get to the point of where "SS would be better off with no contact with them."
Just curious. I went through a stepparent adoption myself.
I tried to adopt. We even
I tried to adopt. We even offered to adopt the three younger also oowl spawn by two other baby mamas. We offered no CS and structured visitation with CPS oversite if they would allow me to adopt my son. They were taken aback and totally offended. As if you can offend dirt bags.
We also tried to get DickHeads parental rights terminated. But, the case was in the home town where my DW and DickHead grew up and SpermGrandMa gobbles knob, errrr, cleans houses and offices for several judges and attorneys in that area.
The judge ruled "any child would be blessed to have the love and support of this family". When we reopened the case and showed the bleeding anus pictures, puss filled welt pictures, submitted the MD reports on how dirty and nasty the kid was when he got home from visitation the judge just dismissed it all without comment.
So, we took the torture then to the edge of their sanity and financial capabilities approach which over all worked out pretty well.
You're doing right by trying
You're doing right by trying with this boy. And good for you to not give up trying to get him straightened around.
Sooner or later he will see who really cared.
Rags, your letters inspire
Rags, your letters inspire me. You sound like a parent writing to his child, not a step dad.
This part may need alittle adjusting, after all he is an adult and his time can be spent how he chooses.
Now for the mom phone call lecture. With the time you are spending on WOW you can give your mom one 30min call a week and your Deema and Deepa 15mins a week. MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!
You could probably leave out the time your spending on wow comment, and just go with you know how much it means to your mom and deema when you call them, maybe you could make that a weekly event and I would not mind a 5min call myself.
Throw you dad a bone please. (this is a nice touch) I like it!
Go get em Rags!
Sounds perfect! This is your
Sounds perfect! This is your style and it's too the point with no hidden messages. Don't change a thing!
I know how you feel. I think
I know how you feel. I think the first one sounded fine as does this one.
This boy/man has half his genetic code pulling him into the mire and shallow end of the gene pool and someone HAS to stand up and pull him back into line.
I am sure he will get the message and has let his distance form you both be a motivating force.
I have a son in the Army and he is deployed right now. WheI heard that he was calling his on again/off again girlfriend and hadn't called me/us I was very upset. My DH sent him an email that reminded him who is there ALWAYS for him and will ALWAYS love him. He got the message and calls me every Sunday morning. I think the man to man tone is appropriate because a bunch of women obviously would word it differently. However it is coming from his s/father who is the one stable male role model (apart from Bootcamp Grandpa who is my hero!)this boy has.
Only you will have an idea how he will take it. You have lived with him and you know him. But if it was my son or s/son not contacting his parent I would read him a Readers Digest version of the riot act myself.
Rags read my comment from
Rags read my comment from your last blog - you have every right to tell your SS to call his mother - NOTHING WRONG WITH IT - does not make you sound jealous of the sperm idiot clan - just makes you sound like a man totally in love with his wife and wanting to see her respected and happy - you go RAGS!!!