He is my right hand. And he is sick. He has bipolar disorder and anxiety disorder. No one can catch it and 60% of the time, he looks like a normal DH. The other 40% of the time, he has massive mood swings, borders on verbal abuse sometimes, and ends in a "shut up" kind of reaction to whoever is emotionally closest to him. Can we attempt to control it? Yes. And we try, but when you have this disorder, it is very very easy to fall into the impulsive/forgetful stage of the disease: so he forgets his medicine. When that happens, usually, he starts getting into that 40% more. He went 3 years with almost no cycles. Then, he went back to school and we are still working to get out of this horrible part of the disease. DH has 2 boys from his first marriage: SS15 and SS10. SS15 seems like a totally normal kid, but has begun taking some of the same paths that DH took at his age. He's getting into the apathy and sexual habits that DH engaged in that exasterbated his disease in his mid and late 20s. SS10 was just diagnosed with Anxiety disorder and is getting treatedvery early with counselling and medication. He's a wonderful kid, but it will be hard for him to climb out of this. The biggest thing that is shown to help, beyond medication, exercise, and goodeating, is learning to communicate. Because we caught him early, SS10 should come out not even hardly remembering what he was so anxious about.

Anyway, recently, I had quite a few people ask me "why won't you leave your husband?" and I've had a lot of friends divorcing and trying to explain to me why it was good for them. Here is my response: My husband is not a car, he is my right hand. When we married, we became part of each other as far as I'm concerned. If I had a problem with my car, I would have a price limit and when it got beyond that, I'd trade it in for a new one. If I had a problem with my hand, I would spend every dime I had to fix it. Wouldn't you do the same in both situations? That is how I feel about my DH. Here is the response I gave someone that wrote on here....

"I will not consider divorce because I took my vows very VERY seriously. "For better OR worse. Sickness(bipoar disorder) OR health. Richer OR poorer" In my vows, there was no "except when he's a raving jerk one day and says hurtful things". I considered all of these things when I got married and I follow through on the things I make in covenant with God. I have not always been the easiest woman to live with, and DH stuck that out. Now I guess it's his turn to pick up the immature stick. I want his boys to know that just because it gets hard, you shouldn't walk away. I want them to see that fighting through it is better than breaking up a famiy that will probably recover withing 5 years. Statistics show that people that stay together through the sorm are 35% happier 5 years later than those who divorce. I have seen the experience of that in my DH's divorce and in BM's current marriage and in my MIL's marriage and my parents' marriage. Would I cut off my hand if it was exhibiting arthritis every other day? No. I would spend as much as it took for as long as it took to fix the problem. THAT is why I will not consider divorce."

Many of you may have been divorced before. This is not meant to put down any situation you may have been in or any decision that you decided to make. This is how I feel about my marriage. I am sad for you that you need to go through that pain, but I need to tell people that the only option is NOT divorce. That you can get through it. Generations of people before us did. We can do.