I Now Pronounce You: Man, Stepmom, BM and Mini-wife
How many SMs of SDs feel this way?
Quite a few I believe. I'll bet we never bargained to have, especially in the case of step DAUGHTERS, FOUR parties in our marriage/relationships!!
And in the case of marriage, I thought the "third" party was SUPPOSED to be GOD?!
Oh wait, BM and mini-wife take that place. 
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Sadly this was a GLARING
Sadly this was a GLARING omen!!
"The only thing these biodads
"The only thing these biodads should feel guilty about is the fact that they didn't wear a condom."
Bahahahahaha!!! Love! So True!
LOL, if they were anymore a
LOL, if they were anymore a part of my marriage I would have to buy them anniversay gift too. Not funny but makes it a bit more bearable that I'm not alone in my poligamous marriage.
We did it with the kids, I
We did it with the kids, I gave skids necklaces and promises and he gave my kids the same, but the was at the time that I care about their feelings, I think if I could back and do it again it would be about me and DH.
I dont know, it was nice it made them feel included, and I was trying to blend. But then again, if I knew then what I know now there may have never been a wedding...lol
Truth is, the skids forget
Truth is, the skids forget about the little "ceremony" you had for them at the wedding about two minutes after it's performed.
Then they're free to try and push the envelope as far as daddykins and the BM will let them. Perfectly meaningLESS. Pretty much a mockery of the institution IMHO.
Yup. Sad truth. I can't make
Yup. Sad truth. I can't make any decisions in regards to MY life that don't have to in some way involve SD or BM. I resented the fact that I wasn't DH's first wife and first to bear his child for a long time but I am mostly over that now.
Damned if you do and damned
Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Pretty much sums up being a SM.
Makes me so glad that DH and
Makes me so glad that DH and I eloped. BM and skids were thrown for a loop the next weekend when we went to pick up for visitation.! }:)
SD10 was supposed to be my
SD10 was supposed to be my flowergirl along with my niece. SS18 was my DH's Jr Best Man. All my bio's were groomsmen & my youngest the ring bearer. BM decided to take SD on vacation 2 days before my wedding. I was actually thrilled. We had a great day and she was nowhere around to make the day all about her which had she been there that's the way it would have been. I returned her entire flowergirl outfit and that was that. No damage done. She did me a HUGE favor even though her intention was to ruin everything.
Totally. It was all I could
Totally. It was all I could do refrain from throwing an "I don't have a flowergirl!" party!!!
I always loved it when the
I always loved it when the Behemoth would "punish us" by saying she wanted GG to drop off the skids early or pick them up late (or not at all)
And for those out there who think I'm being unfair or hateful, let me tell you. . .I CHALLENGE ANYONE to spend a DAY with the most feral, unmannered, undisciplined, LITERALLY shit on your furniture when they didn't get their way children ever! UNTOLD destruction whilst mommykins looked on and approved and daddykins made excuses for.
I am all for commiserating.
I am all for commiserating. I am not ABOUT to believe that I know anyone's situation better than they know it themselves. So, Sourgirl27 - rock on with your bad self and those "goody goodies" can take a long walk of a short pier! I am disgusted that steps are sometimes viewed as sub-human. Isn't that how she makes you feel when she treats you badly and there are no repercussions? I know that's how I feel. }:)
>>>she was getting all upset
>>>she was getting all upset because she was thinking of her daughter when i would talk about sd, and she made it personal. she's the one with issues, not me.<<<
YES!!! I think that is it EXACTLY! There are so many people who think of their own Precious when we dare to complain about the skids.
They talk a good game about being cooperative with their ex and all that, but then they pull the "if my kid's SM ever thought about my Precious that way, I'd never let her over to her dad's house again!"
Funny stuff when a defensive nerve is struck.
Well put and TOTALLY applies
Well put and TOTALLY applies to this site with the trolling BMs we have on here!
When we first started talking
When we first started talking about marriage, SO said he wanted SS13 (then 11) to be the ring bearer, SS19 (then 17) as best man, and both SDs (then 15 and 19) as bridesmaids... that's when I told him that I do not want to marry until his youngest is 18. They will be invited as guests, not as participants. I do not want to be their step-mother, I want to be his wife. Four more years
"I do not want to marry until
"I do not want to marry until his youngest is 18"
EXTREMELY intelligent move on your part!
Of course, they'll still try to drive a wedge in though.
You're right, they do! But we
You're right, they do! But we started out with three of them every other week, and now we've just got one. It's much easier to handle now that we only have one in the house
I felt that I was marrying
I felt that I was marrying into a party of 2 (DH and SD). Fortunately BM is living her own life and hasn't caused me any strife.
I put SD in our wedding as a bridesmaid to try to appease her after she found out our original plan (we wanted to set her up in her own place after the wedding, because I didn't want her to live w/us). She had a meltdown, told DH she felt like she didn't have any say in the matter, started crying, ran to her car and drove off. I should have known better after that. So she's caused me strife from day one.
Flash forward to the present, SD realizes she doesn't have a say in our relationship, and is learning to focus on her own life and creating a future with her fiance. She's come a long way, but I think she still has a long way to go and her fiance is just the teacher she'll need. I have a feeling her unhealthy attachment to DH is going to be an issue in her marriage just as it was in mine.
Finally, I don't think she'd be petty enough to ask DH and BM to sit together at the wedding. DH wouldn't tolerate it. And even BM would insist that she do the right thing.
I'm not married but when I
I'm not married but when I was with exbf I felt like I was part of a harem. Btw, you forgot to include the controlling, intrusive MIL. WTF! I actually told my exbf this, that I felt like part of a harem, like I was in a relationship with him and three other women (BM, SD, MIL). Sadly, until I left, making his "other wives" happy was more important than our relationship and my happiness.
I feel so blessed that DH has
I feel so blessed that DH has boys, and that I have my sweet girl. If BM had a daughter, I think she would absolutely be more horrible than she is. My compassion to all of you who have a SD who is a mini-BM(if BM is one of THOSE BMs)...
In the early years, I
In the early years, I definitely felt this way about BM's role in our lives, not so much SD. SD has come out with plenty of snide comments and passive aggressive behaviour towards me - but not as much as SS. Unusually, I've had a worse time with SS than SD. But BM definitely still considered that she was married to DH and tried to be controlling of our lives - and got away with it for a number of years. Hasn't been that way for many years now - DH cut off all contact with her 13 years ago.
SD was a flowergirl in the
SD was a flowergirl in the wedding...that part was ok...she got mad because she had to ride in a different car than my DH and I to the reception and then pretended to be sick so she could steal all the attention away and she did for the most part of the reception anyway.