Is this what they call PAS...?
FDH brought FSD3 over for a visit yesterday and she was pretty well-behaved the whole time. During a sweet moment when she was cuddling with me while her dad sat beside us while we looked at my scrapbook, she saw a pictures of me at Disneyland when I was a kid and from when I was a teenager.
FSD3: Oh, I'm going to Disneland, too. Daddy is taking me. [Pauses]. Mommy wants to take me. [Looks at FDH]. Daddy isn't sharing me with Mommy. That's bad.
FDH: [Ignores comment or was legitimately tuned out, plays with cell phone].
Miss Know It All: FSD3, your mom and dad really don't share anything, do they? They live in different houses, they drive different cars and they have different rules. If Daddy takes you to Disneyland, then Mommy can take you, too -- separately and it'll be just as fun both times, right?
FSD3: [Ponders].
Miss Know It All: My parent's don't share anything either. They also live in different houses and drive different cars and have different rules. [Taps picture] I think this time, I was with Mom. I think, in this other picture, I was with Dad.
FSD3: You went to Disneyland TWO TIMES?!
FDH: [Still apparently out to lunch with his phone]
It was a bit of misdirection on my part. My parents divorced when I was pretty much an adult, so at the time of the pictures, they DID live in the same house, etc. But Mom frequently took us on trips without Dad, including once to Disney World. And even in nuclear families, the dynamic is different between Mom trips and Dad trips -- and there IS parental one-upmanship...
But FSD3's sharing comment... I just can't believe it was an entirely organic sentence. It sounds like something she overheard someone say -- maybe her mom, maybe somebody else. Either way, if FDH had ever said anything like it to her, I'd have bitten his head off for Parental Alienation Syndrome behavior. If she heard it elsewhere, I have no control over that. And if she really did just come up with it on her own, oy...
What a mess.
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Comments
I have had people tell me
I have had people tell me that 3 is too young to understand PAS, but I honestly have to say that I am with you -it appears to be PAS. SS is about to be 4 but I remember DH telling me once that SS had asked him (when I wasn't around) if it was true that I was evil. When SS asked him this he had just turned 2 and could barely form a sentence and his vocabulary was pretty much limited to "keys, car, dog, and bubbles" but out of nowhere he says I am evil. Not even mean or bad, EVIL. DH was really taken aback by it and he asked who had told him this and SS said Mama C (his grandmother). I don't know if that comment was made to him or around him and he just happened to over hear, but I am always very cautious w my words around SS and I wished his BM and her family were too. I liked your response though, very direct w/o telling her her mother was wrong. Nice
Cheers. This is all new to
Cheers. This is all new to me, so I'm trying to keep a level head. I figure if I make it a non-issue while still allowing her to vent her feelings, I'm officially doing all I can.
Very well handled!
Very well handled!
As soon as a child develops
As soon as a child develops the recognition of non-verbal cues is when PAS can take ahold.
Example: The Behemoth, instead of acknowleging GG's presence at a game for the older kids, assumed a "fetal-like" position, literally hiding her face with her hand toward GG, turning her body away from GG and trying to make her self crouch down (hard trick for a woman who is 6' tall and 270 lbs)
Instead of replying "Yes, son, daddy is here."
Sending the body language, that mommy doesn't recognize daddy as a human being, much less a PARENT. DEFINITELY creating a "loyalty conflict" when there need be none.
Prince Hygiene caught on to this around age 4 as boys usually develop language skills/non-verbal cue responses later than girls.
Good response to SD using language/analogy she can understand and re-directing her.
How old is this woman? At
How old is this woman?
At the time, 37. She just turned 40 in March. I did mention she works for Child Protective Services in NYS as a caseworker, didn't I? I mean I just can't get enough of THAT irony!!!
There's MORE! She's
There's MORE! She's fostering two children in their teens and having them provide child care for the youngest, Prince Hygiene age eight!
So she gets the monthy payments for foster care AND has them provide after school child care services as well (even though GG is still paying CS for child care for two children)
I wouldn't be surprised if she adopted one or both of them to get the Obama mega tax credit for adopting children with "special needs"
She also has both of her biosons on ADHD meds and VD (SD 12 1/2) labeled as "learning disabled" (even though she has every song of Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga memorized.) So she's probably getting SSI/SSD for her as well. I wouldn't doubt that VD is on anti depressants as well.
Update: FDH first said he
Update: FDH first said he didn't hear her say the sharing comment. Then he denied that she'd said it. Then he said that she day say something like it, but I misunderstood her. THEN he said she didn't say exactly what I reported she said.
To which I replied: I'm a $#@%ing JOURNALIST, are you SERIOUS?!
Then he finally sagged in defeat and said, "Yeah. I heard her. I died a little inside. And I didn't hear what you said back to her because I was quietly freaking out. But it must've been good because she didn't say it again."
Jeez. What am I going to do with this kid and her dad? It's like I've got TWO skids in the making.
HMMMM your BS metre must have
HMMMM your BS metre must have been going off like CRAZY!!!
That tap dancing he did was setting off my guilt-o-dad metre.
I'd keep my eye on that one as he sounds like he could easily become a Guiltzilla when circumstances change (as a kneejerk reaction to the inevitable PAS).