Laundry? *VENT*
Okay this may seem petty to some, but it's a VENT, so here goes...
It's an SD weekend - joy, joy.
Of course I was already tense about it starting Monday, but then I just got a text from SD12 asking if she could do her laundry at my house? WTF? Not sure where that came from, but it really irritated me! My first thought was why did she need to do her laundry at my house? She didn't dirty all those clothes at my house - how has she been doing her laundry up to now?
So I texted back that it's up to her Dad because he will be the one doing her laundry. Then she texted back that he said SHE would be the one doing it, and that she just need to ask me if it was okay? Again, WTF?
So then I texted H directly and told him that I need HIM to be the one doing SD's laundry and NOT SD, and he just texted back "Ok".
Seriously, this child cannot even be bothered to pick up candy wrappers for candy that she is eating in the room AGAINST HOUSE RULES while she is there - why on EARTH would I let that child NEAR my washer and dryer when it suits her?!
And for those who say she needs to learn or should be doing it herself anyway - GREAT, I AGREE, but let her do that at her Mom's house where she dirties up all those clothes anyway, not MY house! But if H wants her to be able to do her laundry there then HE will be doing it for her. Maybe that will free up some time for SD to clean her period blood off the bathroom sink after she uses the bathroom so that I don't have to do it before seating my 2 year-old there so I can brush his teeth before bed - GRRRRR!
She needs to learn how do the things she SHOULD be doing before she gets to do the things that only benefit her!
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I disengaged, so I don't say
I disengaged, so I don't say anything to SD about anything she does while she visits anymore. It's hard, but in the end I was wasting my breath and honestly I didn't want that responsibility anyway, so I just let it go. Unfortunately it will be SD who will "lose" in the end, because right now it appears she has one parent who's too wrapped up in her own life to parent (BM) and another parent who PREFERS to just be her friend (H) - no guidance, no direction, no discipline. Sad because for example I can see that her hair is breaking badly because she flat irons her hair everyday on top of the highlights her mom let her get in her hair. I've been through that and could teach her how to take better care of it, but not my job, not my responsibility. If her parents can't be bothered to teach her how to take care of myself then certainly I can't - I already have two small children of my own to raise!
I too dealt with menstrual
I too dealt with menstrual graffiti with DH's kid. After several attempts at dealing with it kindly, I finally had enough and warned her if I found another mess I would use her clothes to clean it up.
One day, I walked into the bathroom after his kid, found a mess (toilet, sink, counter, floor), got pissed then marched into her room without knocking. I grabbed the first article of clothing I stepped on, some disinfectant and used her shirt to clean the bathroom.
She freaked and went to daddy. DH reminded her that I warned her what I would do if I found another mess in the bathroom.
It's only happened once since then. Now when I walk into her room unannounced, she hustles to grab cleaner and paper-towels to clean up her mess.
"menstrual graffiti"
"menstrual graffiti" hahahahah!!!
I hear you on using the
I hear you on using the washer and dryer, but DH stopped doing his kid's (D now 15, 12 at the time) laundry. I remember the day well. He started sorting her dirty laundry for the wash and found a used "pad" still attached to a pair of her underpants. He nearly got sick on the floor.
That was the day he stopped.
His kid' rarely does laundry at our house, unless she's there during a vacation. She's only asked DH once or twice over a weekend, and I found out later it was because Uberskank wouldn't give her any money to use at the laundromat.
I hear ya, but actually I'm
I hear ya, but actually I'm almost certain SD12 DOES do her own laundry at home because BM is never home. I'm more irritated by the fact that my home has now become a laundromat in addition to an eow bed & breakfast, & that it's JUST SD's laundry being done, while I've stayed up until the wee hours of the night sometimes even when I have to be up for work the next morning doing laundry for EVERYONE who lives in this house, yet neither H nor SD even asked if anyone else had any clothing that needed to be washed! On top of that, when faced with too large a load sometimes I've taken MY clothes out and just washed H's & the kids clothes & wore my clothes a second time before laundering because I put everyone else FIRST, but I guess that's just what mothers do?
Other than that, if I can't even trust SD to clean up after herself I certainly don't trust her to operate expensive appliances that neither she nor my H could afford to replace if she broke it, and she has already broken, lost and ruined other items in my house that they've never replaced. She may need to learn, but I don't want to be her teacher, nor do I want her practicing on my appliances!
I'm with you. Don't touch my
I'm with you. Don't touch my washer and dryer. Do your laundry at your moms. Actually the skids BM does make them do their own laundry
They whined about to SO. He says she's just lazy, but you should still learn. I must be lazy too, I quit doing their laundry a while back.
Hi Mommylove, No, I don't
Hi Mommylove,
No, I don't think this is "petty". I actually completely agree with you. I hate to sound "petty" myself, but assuming your DH pays BM monthly child support and assuming that BM is the CP (and that your DH only has EOWE visitation), then ALL of SD's laundry should be being done at BM's house to begin with, not yours. Why would she be lugging dirty laundry from BM's house to your house to begin with? Makes no sense to me.
I also agree with you in that if SD has a "history" of destroying other things she has borrowed/used of yours, then I wouldn't let her ANYWHERE NEAR your washer & dryer. Like you said, if SD & DH have no means or intention to replace it when she breaks it, why would you even let her use it to begin with? Yep, I totally agree with you there.
I must say I got a REALLY GOOD CHUCKLE out of your post - in comparing it with my life. Here's why:
We share true 50/50 custody of skids (SD16.5 & SS13) with BM, we (actually FDH, not me) STILL have to pay her MASSIVE biweekly CS $$$ on TOP of our expenses when they live with us 50%...and ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE...wait for it, drumroll please, wait for it.....
WE DO ALL OF SKIDS' LAUNDRY at our house when they're here with us!!! So not only does my FDH NOT teach skids HOW to do their laundry (which is HIS problem when HE'S stuck doing it for them when I don't feel like it), but he PAYS for the expenses TWICE (use of our washer/dryer & laundry products here PLUS we pay BM CS$$ which goes towards HER laundry product expenses, rent, electric, etc...).
Nothing like having to literally financially support TWO households after a divorce!! Feels so good.... (sarcasm)
I really chuckle...what a GREAT STATE OF NEW YORK we live in!!! Land of the BM-lovers and MASSIVE CS$$$ AWARDS!!! (MAJOR sarcasm here)
:sick: :sick: :sick:
Does anyone ELSE see why the concept of ANY CS$$$ being exchanged when there's a true 50/50 custody situation is TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS AND UNFAIR?!?! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Sorry to hog your post, mommylove.
:::Milomom bows head in shame.:::