Asher's Blog is forcing me to write this one!!! If a BM asks to meet you for coffee, a drink or just to talk - what do we
tell her - HELL TO THE NO -
Every time someone nice SM on here comes on and asks if she should meet up with the BM we all tell her no and when she doesn't listen she comes back and has horror stories (Asher this part is not directed at you at all - your BM is a true C*nt- in every sense of the word - she is pure evil!!!!! :O :O :O
So just so we all are clear about this - if for some reason your BM wants to meet you DON'T DO IT - I have never read on here where it has turned out totally nice - the first meeting might but then later it bites the SM in the a**!!!
We all have to remember that when dealing with psycho BM's there is no rhyme or reason and no logic to their thinking - we SM's would actually have to think crazy like they think and that is impossible for lovely creatures such as ourselves!!!
I love all of my ST sisters and I don't want anyone else hurt so please if these BM's extend the olive branch - break it in half and use their head as a drum and beat them with the branches.
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THIS ^^^ If I have spare time
THIS ^^^ If I have spare time to do something, which is rare, I'll spend that time with someone I enjoy. I will not spend it doing something comparable to having a root canal with no anesthesia.
I have no problem, especially after reading Asher's post, telling the BM's that I have better things to do with my time. "I could wash my car in the rain, change my new guitar strings, mow my yard just the same as I did yesterday, change the air in my tires, straighten my stereo wires..." and so on and so on.
I actually did finally meet
I actually did finally meet BM for lunch after DH and I got engaged. It actually relieved a lot of tension. We are now able to talk civilly and I think she realizes I am not out to steal her kids. We will never be bffs, but I felt better afterwards. I guess I would rather be able to say I made an effort for the sake of the kids. I can understand if BM is a known psycho that it wouldn't be a good idea.
I did the same thing with the
I did the same thing with the BM in our situation, we had her over for dinner several nights in a row while she was in town.
I will be the SM that gets beat with the olive branch someday. I didn't do it for myself or for BM, but for SD. SO even told me that BM "wishes I was her ex, because she really likes me" :O .
I dunno, it might turn out bad for me someday, I do think the fact that BM lives across the country helps in my situation. Less time for her to play me.
I do have to say my DH was
I do have to say my DH was smart - I did not meet BM until the weekend that we got married when we dropped SS off after the wedding she did not want to meet me - I had no idea what a raging bitch she was going to turn out to be and we were getting SS full time in 3 months - 700 miles away so I thought it would be nice to finally meet her since I would be in essence raising her son for the next 8 years - well I met her thought she was nice but then later overheard SS tell DH that he heard BM tell her sister how amusing it was that I was so nervous and that I looked way older than her (she is a month older than me and does look older) and a bunch of other crap that she should not have let SS listen to so that should have been my clue that things would be bad between us - but no like an idiot she called my husband's phone one night (right after we asked her for an extra $25.00 in CS - first 13 months paid nothing and then a very minimal amount - and no DH and BM decided that there would be no court order and there has not been since SS came to live with us and then back again with his mother - she refuses to let the courts decide what DH will pay and they agreed on an amount - because she knew what DH was making and thinks that if she lets us go to court then we will pay less) so I picked up the phone and the next 2 hours were spend screaming at each other -
the best part I took away from all of that phone convo was that she was jealous of me (see she cheated on DH and wanted to be single and then after having SS for the school year she gave him to DH and I because she said being a single mother was way too hard) and here I thought she was living the good life and having a great time and apparently the grass was not greener on the other side just different grass. So after that convo I did not talk to her for about another year (we do one exchange a year and this year I don't even have to see the b*tch) and she called and was really nice and then asked to speak to DH and started screaming at him about getting more money (see we threatened to take her to court for more CS and so she took SS back) and I could hear it all and I started screaming right back at her and that ended up with DH hanging up on her and then she called my phone back and I told her that DH did not want to talk to her and to leave us alone - she went ballistic and I could hear SS yelling in the background "what's wrong mom?" and that is when I hung up!!
Every time we have to get tickets for travel it turns into about 15 emails back and forth with her getting nasty about us - God I am getting tired just typing all of this - I can't wait for 2012!!!
I would never meet her why? I
I would never meet her why? I don't think I could hold myself back from hurting her! LOL This is a woman that has tried all sorts of nasty things to my kids. So bad that it would have resulted in my kids being gone forever. She is truly an evil person. They were all lies and proven to be lies thanks god!
Saying that you'd never do it
Saying that you'd never do it and being faced with the reality of what goes through your head when you're truly in the situation are very different things.I think any one of us would cave on a first or second attempt by BM to "kiss and make up" and we wouldn't do it for her.we wouldn't do it for the skids.we would do it for our husbands and SOs.I know it's easy to say 'oh i'd never do that.' 'i'd hang up on her ass' 'i'd slap her four ways from sunday if I met her for coffee'.but in reality deep down all of you would probably want to hear what she had to say and silently hope the madness was going to come to an end finally if you just let her speak her thoughts over coffee.you'd be thinking of your dh/so the whole time,wanting to help and show that you are a good woman so you'd whatever it took to bring peace to the situation.
Asher I agree-hard to say
Asher I agree-hard to say what we would do-i'm so sorry that happened to you-what a total bitch that woman is!!
At first I thought I MIGHT-but I can say w/certainty now-there is NO reason for me to meet w/her. We barely interact at all.
I've seen her at a few soccer games where she said hi..and then she invited us to sd's bday w/my sons-I shouldn't have gone-it went well-she tried to be polite but she's put my bf through so much misery-and bad talks him and takes advantage of his parents so much that I despise her now. I would have NO reason to meet w/her. My bf keeps his interactions and our life seperate also. Let him deal w/crazy lol.
I also deal w/my ex on my own-but to be honest there is a lot less craziness w/us now-though I see no reason my bf and him would sit down for coffee lol.
We have chatted w/him outside for a few moments and thats it.
With her? NO THANKS!
"I love all of my ST sisters
"I love all of my ST sisters and I don't want anyone else hurt".
I am feeling no love her CG!
I agree with not meeting BM or BioDad (depending on which Sparent you are) except on our own terms.
We have met SpermGrandMa and BioDad for Skid swap a few times but only at a place and time or our choosing.
As Sparents we should keep absolute control over the things that we can and the opposition needs to know that we will.
IM unloved HO of course.