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I cant believe my husband just did that...

sick in co's picture

Submitted by sick in co on Sat, 03/05/2011 - 12:09pm

Sad Sad
i had to work today unexpectedly and my little ones were going to stay with my oldest (who just recetly returned home - she is 19) my 17 yr old had to go to work....well my husband said that he was going to take his daughter to a sitter...WHY....he said he could do as he pleased with his daughter!!!!!

He called his brothers and they all said no bc she is disrespectful and doesnt listen. His cousin said ok....The lil demon said to me see my dad does what i want NOT what you say...SHE IS 5.... he picks her up on sats at 7am....comes in my room and asks to get candy...i said no too early...she then says well my dad says its ok....so...IDK what to do...

I told my husband that this will not work unless we both are on the same page he said he could do with his daughter as he pleases..... i said all the kids are sup to be the same.... he packed her up and left....

what now?????

Comments

RaeRae's picture

Submitted by RaeRae on Sat, 03/05/2011 - 12:16pm

If your marriage is going to work, you have to be on the same page. He needs to put the 5 year old girl in her place now, or it will only get worse for you.

sick in co's picture

Submitted by sick in co on Sat, 03/05/2011 - 1:35pm

OH did i mention that we have only been married 5 months....!!!! every thursday and saturday....(when she comes over) so much tension that my younger ones dread her visit and dont want to leave their room

RaeRae's picture

Submitted by RaeRae on Sat, 03/05/2011 - 1:46pm

Have you talked about counseling? Maybe you could plan to take your kids out every Thursday and Saturday. Let her have him.

sick in co's picture

Submitted by sick in co on Sat, 03/05/2011 - 1:50pm

he is at work on those days and i have to be the one to take her back to her mom.....i try to remember that she is a lil girl and alot of the way she acts is bc of her mom....(another story)....it is not a healthy thing for ANYONE

oh BTW after he took her to the sitter he just text me if i am going to go get her after i get off....i want to tell him...NO u figure it out

RaeRae's picture

Submitted by RaeRae on Sat, 03/05/2011 - 2:38pm

Then tell him NO, you figure it out. If he doesn't want to have the girl listen to you, an authority figure in her life, then he does not need to have you babysit her. He cannot pick and choose which responsibilities you have. All or nothing. What he is doing isn't fair to you, and is not fair to her or in her best interest.

Happymom3's picture

Submitted by Happymom3 on Sat, 03/05/2011 - 12:20pm

Omg! How are you supposed to even begin to deal that behavior when your DH won't even back you up? Without that your stuck! Sounds like you have alot to talk about and some tough decisions to make. You can't be expected to do it on your own or live in misery! Hope things work out for the best!

cenrok's picture

Submitted by cenrok on Sat, 03/05/2011 - 12:33pm

Here is what I would do: I'd say fine.... your daughter, your decisions, your problems. If she eats candy & is bouncing off of the walls - let him deal with it. If she asks for things in the future, tell her to ask her father. Let him get off of his ass to deliver what it is she is asking for.

Don't discipline her. Go for a walk with your kids or a picnic in the park if it gets too bad. Tell your children that you will make decisions for their well being, and they may differ from what they see she gets.

stepmasochist's picture

Submitted by stepmasochist on Sat, 03/05/2011 - 1:19pm

"i said no too early...she then says well my dad says its ok"

I'd probably say, "Oh yeah? Then why are even my face. Take your snotty attitude and go talk to daddy."

disrespectful little brat.

I don't understand this really. How long have you known this kid? Is this a new thing - her being a brat and your husband acting this way?

sick in co's picture

Submitted by sick in co on Sat, 03/05/2011 - 1:43pm

no it is not new...from the beginning (2 yrs already) she has cussed at me ... tattled so my husband can get the other kids in trouble...and straight up lies...he does minimal with her and is at work most of the time when we have her...she has even left the house without telling me...i told my husband i cannot watch her unless he talks to her....NOTHING.....

LONGTIME SM's picture

Submitted by LONGTIME SM on Sat, 03/05/2011 - 3:31pm

OHHHH no way! Tell SO that if he is the only one that can tell her anything then he will have to be present every second she is in your home. YOU will not be responsible for watching her if you have no say so. He can get a babysitter or arrange day care if he can not be there. Then as everyone else recommended DO NOTHING FOR HER!

cenrok's picture

Submitted by cenrok on Sat, 03/05/2011 - 2:02pm

"What kind of relationship is that?"

It is one where you enable him to figure it out.

If he wants to create a monster, let him be responsible for that monster. Tell him that yea, he can certainly do what he pleases with his daughter - 100% his way ---! With this decision he can also be responsible for her 100% of the time.

OR... He can decide it is best to be your partner & support each other.

I'd say it is in his court.