Yep . . . I scare myself every few months and take about 3 weeks off. Then I'm back to bottle. FDH and I have made some agreements about alcohol intake to make sure we're not drinking ourselves to death, but it's still sort of scary. I used to drink one or two days out of the weekend. Now it's pretty much every night. I tell myself I could stop if I really needed to, but at the point you NEED to stop you've already done some pretty serious damage.

Maybe you could focus on moderation rather than quitting completely. Cold turkey really just doesn't work for some people (including me, lol).

I use alcohol to help with morning blood glucose levels. When I start using this method a two shot drink will get me very happy. Over the course of weeks or a few months I no longer catch a buzz on a single drink. A single drink will still have the desired impact on my blood glucose.

After several months I will take a break. I don't have any problems with stopping but within 45hrs of stopping my AM blood glucose levels will be higher.

I guess I am fortunate that I do not have issues with stopping and I definitely do not miss the morning headache/hangover that I get occasionally when I am medicating with alcohol.

Oh Ddakan - I am sending you a PM but I just saw your profile and you have 8 kids if I had that many damn kids I would drink everyday too - God bless you!!!

Your post sent a chill down my spine.

I spent 4 straight years binging on alcohol before managing to quit. I gained 40 lbs, had the DTs, was constantly hung over, was vomiting blood occasionally... I was going through a liter of booze in two days, or a 5L box of wine on a weekend.

Not being able to sleep was the trigger when I tried to quit during that time.

I wouldn't have been able to quit if it hadn't been for DH. What worked for us was settling into a routine - early bedtimes, aided by OTC sleep meds and melatonin. (be csreful with sleep meds like Tylenol PM. Long-term alcohol consumption raises sensitivity to acetaminophen; for a bad alcoholic, 6 extra-strength Tylenols can be an overdose) We started tanning, figuring it cost less than all the alcohol we were buying. Yes, tanning is bad for you, but it got us OUT OF THE HOUSE on a daily basis and gave us 10-20 minutes of forced relaxation. We started doing house renovation projects to keep ourselves busy.

Good luck - message me if you want.

I sent you a PM!!!!!!!! I feel your pain and know it from experience. Get the help you need, take care of you!

Yes,schedule your time in doing productive, healthy activites during your free time and especially when skids are there if you know they are a trigger. I think tanning is a fine idea, as is exercise, taking a class, any sort of hobby that might get you out of the house. Last summer when ss was here for a month-I walked over an hour every day of his stay. Got home from work, changed my clothes, and took off.

Good News! You are very aware of what is going on with you. You acknowledge it! Awesome start.

I say this because I lived out of whiskey and wine bottles for almost a year. It was my breakfeast, lunch and dinner. It got me through the days (and nights) after I FOUND my late husband dead on the floor one early fall morning, cold and blue...

I was in shock. This man was my soul mate, I kid you not. Why did he leave me here? On and on...it was awful. On top of being a 1st class drunk, I had many morons telling me how "all would be okay and to move on, etc." I drank even more. I gave up on me and God and did not care about anything really.

I was slowly killing myself and did NOT care.

I never went to any meetings. Time "made" me better and acceptance of what was happening. I started to "feel" again and not sit in a drunken stare and see my dead husband lying there on my floor. It was the toughest fight of my life, BUT I did it!

I am now ONLY having maybe 2-3 beers on the weekends and can walk out of any place without getting wasted. I can walk by the wine aisles, drive past the convience stores and go to where I am supposed to be. I'm kind of proud of myself.

I'm not trying to jack your post or take away from the pain inside that you feel but sometimes it helps to read or hear from others who have REALLY been down this tormenting road themselves.

You can do it. YOU must do it though as nobody else can if you really want it to stop. ( I've been there before.)

IF you want to talk on the "side", seriously let me know via PM. I would never "rag" you either.

Hugs~~~

So many similarities here. I NEVER drank before all the bull$hit involving my SO and his ex-beast. One evening we were out enjoying a nice dinner and his ex-beast walked in, took one look at me, and literally attacked me. I managed to hold her off and in the process she was injured. After the police came and the x-beast was gone, I was literally shaking (adrenaline can be a bitch, lol.) The bartender sent a drink over. The shaking stopped almost immediately after that drink. That was all it took. From that point on, everytime she pulled some idiotic stunt, (which was ALL the time back then) I was reaching for a drink. (I should have been reaching for her throat }:) ) It has been nearly 3 years since I have felt that absolute NEED for a drink but, I still find myself craving alcohol whenever I get overly stressed. I try to avoid it and most of the time I can. However, there are times where I indulge. Those times are getting fewer & farther between.

What you have done is trained your brain in to thinking that you NEED the alcohol. I agree an anti-anxiety med. or even an anti-depressant may be beneficial in the early stages of trying to get the alcohol use under control. Just be very careful b/c anti-anxiety drugs can be just as addicting (if not more so) than alcohol. You wouldn't want to trade one bad habit off for another. Personally, I found hobbies that are just as relaxing and it does help. You have to give it time and not beat yourself up.

Hang in there!

I was "blacking out" and driving and did not even remember driving!!! I called 911 in a hysterical crying fit and they came and locked my drunk ass up in some "rehab" for 4 days. Not even a cup of joe, nada. No cigs, nothing. The day I got out I went and bought a gallon of wine because being "put away" had made me angrier. They were not addressing my grief that was causing my drinking problem. Duh. Hello? You have somebody who just lost their husband and JUST started to drink after 30 plus years here!? Dumbarses. I was so drunk though and crying that I was saying things to the medics like, " D- why did you die and leave me here, I want to be where you are!!!"

No wonder they put me away...

I just want to say, now THIS is the kind of place I'm proud to be a part of. Strong honest women and men looking out for each other. Giving advice, help, empathy.... I admire this thread and all of you who've been contributing to it.

I actually got trashed last year and jumped out of a moving vehicle onto the highway. My elbow and back are still scarred from where the skin came off on the pavement.

I have not been drunk since.

That's not to say I'm not still drinking too much. It's really sad that it took something like that to make me see what I was doing to myself. Something I guess I'm still doing to myself to a lesser extent.

I have alot of ideas for moderation if you're interested. It's taken about a year to fine-tune a plan for myself, and I still screw up here and there, but it's alot easier than it was.

I also want to join in with the other ladies here to point out how strong you are just to admit to yourself what's happening and that you need help.