So I left my XH many years ago, there wee DV and addiction issues. I was glad to see him go! He has since gotten the help he needs with both issues and has become the man I always knew he could be and a wonderful, yet guilty part-time dad. While I have no love for this man, and could not even think of reconciliation, I am happy for his progress, for the sake of my kids and his new FDW. Yes I said it, I like my EH FDW. While I would not consider her a friend, she is a good woman, she has 3 kids of her own, she works hard to take care of them, they are polite, respectful and over all good kids and are great with my kids as is she!

Lets call EXH’s FDW D. You see before D came into the picture, EX was difficult, when it came to switching weekends or times, if he needed to switch I was expected to just accommodate, but when I needed something it was never even considered, it was always NO! that is MY time with the kids. When EXH first met D he waited about 6 months before he introduced her and her kids to mine. Which I thought was very respectful to all the children involved, they made it a kids day. Anyway it wasn’t long before D seen what she thought was me being an A typical BM because every time EXH asked for something he was met with a NO after years of accommodating and getting nothing back I started giving what I got.

We never really spoke other then hello and goodbye, there was never a reason to, that is my EX’s new girl, I am in a relationship everyone was happy. She respected my boundaries and their mother and knew her place as their father’s girlfriend; I will call her SM because while I don’t think either of them really wants to get married, they have been together 5 years and consider them self’s life partners. There is commitment there as well as stability for my children, which is always more first concern.

So one day SM calls me, she had a death in the family and was begging me to please can I switch days with her and EX, I felt horrible for her, not just for her loss, but the way she was begging me. I told of course I would switch and there was no need to beg. We got into a conversation about why EXH was always met with stern NO when ever he asked to switch things up. To my surprise she understood completely, we also talked about the guilty daddy syndrome and how I was tired of him going against me when it came discipline, if they are grounded here for an offense then I expect the punishment to continue at dad’s, again she totally agreed. I explained how I tried and tried to co-parent with EX, but he just yes’s me to death and did his own thing, it was not good for the kids.

Here I am 4 years later and I co-parent with my EXH’s girlfriend instead of my EXH. While we have different parenting styles and ideas we seem to agree on most major things and she respects the things she doesn't agree with because I am thier Mom. Any accommodations that need to be made go thru her, any issues, punishments, grades, school functions are all sent thru her, this works for us, yes there are certain thing where I have to deal with him direct and when I do I try to do either conference calls or sit down with all of us, I include her IN everything. It works out great. While I know this is not the NORM for blended families, it is what it is.

So can someone please tell me why I got stuck with C*ntzilla as a BM, she is vindictive, spiteful, has leaned the tactic of PAS, she makes life a living hell for me and BF, causes nothing but drama and chaos in OUR home. BF has set boundaries wither and has stuck to them and our relationship has gotten stronger, but it seem now that she can’t come between us, she uses his boys. I thought you get what you put out there, so how is it I’m a SM’s dream come true, and I have a nightmare of a BM I have to deal with!! SIGH!!!!!