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DH asked tonight

Leigh's picture

Submitted by Leigh on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 8:08pm

Why I don't leave him if I'm so miserable.
1. I'm too scared.
2. Financially I don't know how we'd manage.
3. I love my dear, precious BSs more than life itself, and would be miserable for them. Divorce and raising them myself, or potentially raising them with a SF would be devastating. They love their dad, and he is a very good father. I know from experience that it is just about impossible to love someone else's children like they're your own if I were to find someone else.
4. Things aren't that bad. A lot of your situations have put things in perspective for me.

At least for now.
...Or maybe I will leave him.

Comments

happymostly's picture

Submitted by happymostly on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 9:51pm

im sorry your going through this Sad Im wondering about leaving my H too, but we dont have any kids together, so it would be a little bit easier for me...

Last-Wife's picture

Submitted by Last-Wife on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 9:54pm

UGH- It used to piss me off so bad when Loghead would ask me that! Partly because I didn't really have an answer for him that made logical sense... I should have left, but I stuck it out, and we worked through it. And even though he still does dumb things, and annoys me, I can deal with it better now. ST really did save my marriage...

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 10:44pm

I think the answer to this question needs to be:

I stay because I love you and I love our family even though the situation with your XW and your kids does make me miserable.

We can fix this but it will take both of us re-committing to be equity partners in our marriage putting our marriage before even the kids and it will take you stepping up to manage your XW and never allow her manipulations to impact our family. It will take us both enforcing consistent rules and standards of behavior on all of the children in our family and enforcing effective and consistent discipline for inappropriate behavior from any and all of the children.

You asked why I don't leave? This is why I don't leave and what it will take to insure that I stay.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 02/02/2011 - 1:12pm

Trink,

I hope it helps. No royalty or copyright payments are required. Biggrin

Good luck with healing yourself and your family.

Best regards,

Leigh's picture

Submitted by Leigh on Wed, 02/02/2011 - 4:26am

@unlucky- didn't even think of that one, but definitely add it to the list.
@happy- thank you.
@last- I do too! I didn't have a good answer, which frustrated him. I didn't think sharing this list would have been productive, but it is nice that I can vent it here.
@rags- hopefully some day we'll be there. I know those answers are what he wanted to hear, but I couldn't muster it.

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Wed, 02/02/2011 - 8:03am

I haven't left (yet) because my H decided to change his attitude a bit to try not to get so frustrated over small things and control his temper. AND, he has been doing a pretty good job.

But last night, after I got stuck in a ditch (in 10 below weather with 35 below wind chill) while he was at work, and I called the insurance company to send a tow truck before I called him...he decided to yell at me and accuse me of lying about it for about a half hour after I got home.

I think I've given him the benefit of the doubt way too often... BM totally ruined this guy and he's refusing to see that and rise above it.

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Wed, 02/02/2011 - 1:16pm

Sky-he's ruined himself-no cure...hate to break it but he likely won't ever change...he can control it in spurts...that's all. Keep with your plan! And ENJOY the honemoon/nice phases but remember always what they are.

Asher10's picture

Submitted by Asher10 on Wed, 02/02/2011 - 10:52am

I don't leave because
1.It's my damn house
2.I wouldn't want to share custody of the dogchildren
3.I wouldn't want to buy furniture to fill DHs rooms after he takes his stuff and ya just can't have empty rooms in the house
4.I hate dating
5.and i guess i still love my stupid DH with all my heart and soul.lucky bastard.
6.and...it's my damn house.