The best tool I found for doing this is the CO. Keep a copy of the CO handy, read it, learn it and love it. It will be your best friend during your tenure as a Sparent to a Skid under a Custody/Visitation/Support judgment. Also research the jurisdiction where your Skid's CO is from to find any Supplemental Local Rules that may be in force in the jurisdiction. This is the best kept secret in visitation and blended family opposition management. Not all jurisdictions have supplemental rules so good luck on this one.

My wife and I both keep a copy of the CO and Supplemental Rules in our desks at work and a copy in our home office. When SpermGrandMa calls to arrange visitation travel and starts her vitriolic toxic rant we roll the CO and Supplemental Rules in to a nice tight tube and beat her about the head and shoulders with them until she crumbles in to submission. When SGM or BioDad calls my wife, my wife conferences me in and I IM her excerpts from the CO and supplemental rules to shove down SpermGrandMa's or BioDad's throat when they get stupid. She can pay attention to what they are saying and I can back her with the facts.

These tools are also good for managing the Skids if and when they go in to the "you and mom/dad are mean to my (other) mom/dad." When my SS has had these moments during pre visitation behavioral issues or post visitation detox periods my wife and I would counter it with the facts as defined in the CO and supplemental rules and from our voluminous files with court records, etc….. We tell him "We are not being mean, it is the law and we are abiding by the law. See, here is the judges order and the law (supplemental rules) that tell us we have to to these things. For some reason your (SpermIdiot) and (SPermGrandMa) are insistent that we violate the judges order which we can not do."

We tried repeatedly to work with SpermGrandMa and her idiot son for the benefit of our son (my SS) over the years. Any time we were magnanimous or reasonable and gave them more than the CO stipulated they would push and push and push for more and get more belligerent with my wife about how she was a mean manipulative bitch, etc.... They trained us quickly to not deviate from the CO or the Supplemental Rules which ultimately proved to be the best tools we had for keeping them under control and for barring their asses.

Interestingly they apparently never figured out that all they had to do was read the CO or the Supplemental Rules, we never specifically told them about the rules but we did quote them frequently. SpermGrandMa would call ranting that the CO was unfair and her Judge/Lawyer friends (that she is the house keeper for) told her X,Y,Z L,M,N,O,P. crap and that we could not do what we were doing. We just told her what the CO said ant that if she did not like what the CO said that we would be happy to see her idiot son back in court. That usually was the precursor to the end of the conversation when SpermGrandMa would scream, rant, yell "you would like to go back to court wouldn't you" then hang up. She would call back a few hours later in a surprisingly sweet mood to finish making whatever arrangements she was looking to make. Only the call back was on my wife's terms and not hers. They were always significantly humbled by the time they made the second call.

We were never humble. We did not have to be. We were right and we were in control. Funny how in these situations humility goes to the side of the looser. For us it was always about winning. Not for my wife or I specifically but for the best interest of our son.

The fact that I relish in barring their toothless moron asses is just an entertaining bonus.

We were certainly creative in our interpretation of the CO and rules when we wanted to do something and did not allow creativity when the SpermClan wanted something. You can do that with toothless morons who refuse to read their own damned court order.

We also did things such as quoting the SpermIdiot’s arrest record, history of serial statutory rape (un charged and never convicted but a 21-25yr old having sex with 16yr olds is as pure a definition of a statutory rapist that I can think of), getting the Tax Records for the entire SpermClan, School Records for the younger three out-of-wedlock SpermIdiot spawn to prove that they were not living with him as he claimed, we got a PI to follow him around periodically documenting cash payments for work that he did not claim on his taxes, etc, etc, etc......

All these things are great leverage against the BFO (Blended Family Opposition).

When they would periodically fail to return SS on time from visitation the police would coincidentally find them shortly before my ILs would show up to get the kid and put him on a plane back to us. It helps that my wife's BFF's dad is the chief of police in the town where SpermGrandMa lives with many Officer Friends in the town where the SpermIdiot lives. When my FIL escorted by a police officer walks in to a restaurant the day after SS was supposed to fly home and they collect the kid, rip some SpermClan ass in front of their minister and friends then take the kid and leave it bares some major SpermClan ass. }:)

The starting point to barring the ass of the blended family opposition is the CO. This can be supplemented with recordings of all telephone conversations, a comprehensive call/activity log of anything they say, do, the kids tell stories about, members of the community tell stories about, etc, etc, etc....... Not all of this information is admissible in court but it is all good for reference when you are in court and when you can speak directly and confidently from your notes while the opposition is stuttering and saying "that's bullshit!" you look really good to the judge and your team gets credibility with the court that their team does not.

This will work for both the CP and NCP though the CP definitely has more stroke in most cases when it comes to family law court.

Find the cracks in the opposition’s armor and work the cracks. As you work at it you will begin to find what really pisses them off. Once you know these items and you keep them pissed of then you are in control and can pretty much lead them around by the short and curlies any time you want to. When they are pissed off and you are calm and armed with information you are in control.

This is what has worked for us over the past ~17yrs.

Facts are not good or bad. They are just facts. Use the facts to control BM. There are always facts you can use. Find them and use them.

Good luck and best regards,