She gets hurt and I feel nothing?
Is that normal? There was a time when I used to feel for my sd(17) when she was hurt etc.
So DH calls me this morning shortly after I dropped him off at work...says that SD slipped and fell on the ice at school and hit her head. But that she still wanted to stay at school. "oh, ok". Well my youngest son, he is 3, had a Dr. appointment at 11:30 today. Dh calls me back at 10:45 to tell me that I have to come and get him because he has to go and get SD, cuz she has a bad headache and has fuzzy vision in one eye.
Ummmm...ok. Not my problem. I am getting ready to take our son to his appt and I still have to get him ready. Ok, so DH gets a ride to the house and says he will take his truck. Fine by me.
Guys...I feel nothing about her falling. Not concerned or anything. I am more along the lines of..well she shouldn't have been so clumsy, I mean hello...ice means be careful. Duh.
I am a little surprised by my lack of emotion towards her, but then again, I am.....how do i put this?...relieved? I am sort of happy that i don't care. It is like a weight lifted. It isn't my problem, and it didn't have to be my problem, and thanks to DH leaving work...it didn't become my problem. It is a relief.
But at the same time....I am irritated with SD. Mostly cuz she just should have come home in the morning and not waited so damn long...but again...not my problem. Relief.
So strange.
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I understand. I didn't expect
I understand. I didn't expect this reaction out of myself...but I guess that is the direction things have turned. You can not undue all the hurt they do to you...so when they get hurt etc...it is hard to feel empathy for them.
I know what you mean; It is
I know what you mean; It is so sad since we are mothers; but I just don't feel anything either. When my kids are sick I fetch them whatever they want and take care of them. Now that she is sick; I just want her to close her door and come out when she's better..........I am not sure if it's because I know she doesn't like me and why in the world should I waste my time??
Yep...that is how i am...your
Yep...that is how i am...your sick? not feeling well? you can hang in your room till you are better....drink some water.
I feel nothing for sd anymore
I feel nothing for sd anymore and that is surprising for me.any empathy i had for her only took a few months to disappear.i start to wonder if I ever had true empathy for her anyway or if I was just a really convincing faker so much that I even fooled myself into thinking I cared for her.
No, I think you may have. I
No, I think you may have. I am sure I did, up until recently. I mean a little over a year ago I was in her corner when her brothers g/f was threatening her. I felt "protective" then...but I can't see myself doing that now. It is just like all those feelings have been erased now. They are just no longer there. I hope I don't start to wonder if I was faking it all these years....that is something that bothers me about these dang skids...they make us so nuts that we do end up questioning our own motives and sanity at times.
I used to feel like that when
I used to feel like that when she was younger too. But my SD has become this angry little liar; I don't believe anything that comes out of her mouth. DH gets mad but oh well! Yes, my kids are bratty too (whose aren't) but it's diff - I see remorse from them; they approach ME with I'm sorry. they know they have to give to me in order to get from me. When my kids treat me like sh* - I have no problem giving it back; but for some reason when I do it to princess - I'm a bit**.
My SD is turning 14 this weekend and just got caught sneaking out of her friends bedroom window for the second time!! She was grounded a month - then dad added another week after her smart mouth!!
I just have no need for this - ya know
it's normal in my book. i
it's normal in my book. i can honestly say "i pretty much do not give 2 shits about skids (especially sd) well being, safety, happiness, future, etc." i'm not proud of feeling that way, but what can you do?
on the same note, i would hate to see dh experience pain and disappointment, but he's no idiot ~ he's probably secretly preparing for the bigger disappointments they will be.
that is exactly how i feel
that is exactly how i feel
I know it sounds so cruel of
I know it sounds so cruel of me but I feel the same way. FSD was complaining all freakin weekend that her stomach hurt. Well she has really bad acid reflux and forgot her medication when she went on vacation with her mother (I just found out she didn't have it) AND on top of it all, the doctor told her NOT to eat greasy, foods with acid, anything fried, and etc...of course she eats EVERYTHING she isn't suppose to. At first I would way "I don't think that is good for your stomach" but she does the complete OPPOSITE of what I say so I don't really care anymore. She was to busy complaining her stomach hurt yesterday when I was busting my hinney cooking, cleaning, and doing her laundry, but she wasn't to sick to be running around and playing on the computer.
i dont feel that way for
i dont feel that way for either of my skids...it's up to dh and bm to "fix it" not me...she's clumsy any ways so i figure sinc bm has full custody, and doesn't notify my dh when they have major medical issues, so my give a darn busted a long time ago, i figure when she takes off work enough times, she'll eventually teach them to quit being so clumsy...her loss
The sad thing is that kids
The sad thing is that kids can sense this, you can count on it.
Can you remember when the "break" happened? Was there a particular incident where you just lost any caring or concern for this teenager?
I remember when I was considering leaving my abusive XH. There was a particular incident that I vividly remember to this day that caused my heart and mind to turn to stone where he was concerned. I felt neither hate nor anger, concern nor caring. I felt NOTHING for him. But that was after over a decade of verbal, mental and physical abuse from him. Was there an incident like that for you, that caused you to start down this path?
Of course, it feels differently that these feelings you're having - or lack thereof - are directed toward a child/teenager. It seems to be more understandable when in relation to another adult, but not toward a kid. But that's JMHO. I understand that I haven't lived your life so I can't know what you've been through. But still, it's hard to understand not being able to hold some empathy or concern for a young person. Especially since she's your DH's DD, and he loves her. That ought to count for something...
I wonder how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot... if your DH began to exhibit behavior that showed he felt nothing for your child(ren). How would you react if he couldn't care less about your child's safety, health or welfare? Would you begin to feel anger toward him? Would you become defensive on behalf of your child?
It's really too bad that things have gotten to that point... for the teenager, for your DH and for you. I hope things get better for you.
It used to account for
It used to account for something...it doesn't any longer. I share everything with my DH and he knows exactly how I feel and why. He understands and he is sorry that his kids have put me and the other kids through hell and back. If my kid (only my son(17) is not his) acted the way my sd does and treated him the way she treats me, then I would completely understand any lack of concern. But then I wouldn't put up with such bull shit in my kids either.
Was there one point? NO not one particular point, it has been many things that have built up to this point. The main points relating to my family and friends, who she (my sd) likes to try to weasel her way into and start lying about me to. She destroyed a 22 year friendship. I chose not to forgive my oldest friend, and chose to give my sd another chance...for my dh's sake....I will tell you right now...I made the WRONG choice. I should have sent her ass packing back then....shoulda' kicked her to the damn curb and never looked back.
Even her own mother won't talk to her, nor will any side of her mothers family, and my dh really has no family, not sane at any rate, so there is no where for the lying little backstabber to go until she graduates and I can just kick her the hell out of my house.
I thought this was an
I thought this was an interesting article on empathy deficit disorder:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/douglas-labier/americas-continuing-empat_b...
If you want to get better at something, what do you do? Practice.
JMHO.
Lifeisshort,I try really hard
Lifeisshort,I try really hard to care about sd.I always have.And I don't have an "empathy deficit disorder"I am very empathetic to people in my life.SD is the exception as of a few months ago.I already feel shitty enough about it and it isn't fair of you to assume we aren't trying to change our feelings.
Yep, i am with you. No
Yep, i am with you. No "empathy deficit disorder" here too. Puleeze...walk one quarter of a mile in my shoes and then tell me you would "feel" for this skid at all...no one does...she doesn't keep people in her life for very long. SHE is the one with all the "issues" and problems...I am the one that is STUCK with her until she graduates and I am free! 4 MONTHS! Thats it and no more!