woooo hooo!!!! i'm getting child support

i had court yesterday and the oposing party did not show up!!! totally unexpected!!! From my understanding his lil wify got his certified mail and i'm GUESSING she didn't give it to him cause it's not like him to just not appear....HA! o well, not my problem..i'm so excited, i should be getting my very first ever child support payment by march at the latest. and my daughter is 8....took long enough.

i'm jumping up and down he's making my case so easy...and there's still more to come

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lol thank you

Congrats! I'd love to be a

Congrats!
I'd love to be a fly on the wall when he finds out she withheld the mail from him

Let us know what happened ok.

Let us know what happened ok. I want to know if wife didn't give to him or what. That would be so funny. Congrats

i bet anything she didn't

i bet anything she didn't give it to him, (i may not find out). i just remember sitting in with the rest of the clients waiting for cases to be heard, and at first the judge was going to deny it at that time because he wasn't given enough notice (was supposed to give him two weeks-only stressed for 5 days) but THANK GOD, i told my attorney to send the paperwork when i did, cause THAT did give him 2 weeks notice, the part that sucks for HIM is it wasn't retrieved until LAST THURSDAY and the hearing was yesterday only giving him 3 buisness days to respond...SO because we DID send it to him 2 weeks prior, the judge heard the case.....HA!

i didn't know his wife picked it up (didn't even know that was LEGAL) until my attorney showed the judge the certified mail with her signature, and the judge asked, who is this person (stated her name) thank God part of my case is BECAUSE of this "smom" cause my attorney told him without missing a beat who she was, Judge said ok, the claim is sustained, we walked out, and she's going to send him a letter asking for his income or subpeonea it and directly bill him instead of getting me reimbursed by him for it HA!

I told my mom about it, and she gave me the idea that it was withheld from him....(i didn't even think about that). told her it's legal and he would've had to write a permission statment (i thought) for her to pick it up...but i'm going to laugh so hard if she didn't give it to him....i may never find out.

so funny, i wish there was an icon on here that indicates rofl...but there's not so i'll just do it myself lol

thanks, but there's still

thanks, but there's still more to come, i just did an immediate hearing on the money issues, there's still so much more i'm taking to the bench. he's showing refusal to cooperate in our daughter's best interest. she is seeing a counselor, and he told the counselor that he would agree to attending but needed to talk to lil wify first (counselor hasn't been able to get a hold of him since, and refuses to keep trying-dont blame her) AND he's allowing his family to pretty much tell our dd to undermind me by telling her that if she doens't want to go to a counselor to tell me and i shouldn't be able to make her, and that she needs to quit telling me so much about what goes on at dad's....THANK GOD she said this infront of the couselor, so i have a neutral party now to back up my claims against him.............it's all falling together so well and that's ONLY PART OF THE CLAIMS.

keep in mind smom's not ALL bm's are crazy, if you have kids try looking at it from a bm's perspective, that's what i try to do and well, i wouldn't be surprised if the smom in my case is venting about how much a b of a bm i'm being on another sparenting website

I have been reading your

I have been reading your stuff for awhile, and you are CLASSIC meddling BM. FIRST, your DD is 7 YEARS OLD. YOu refuse to even acknowledge the fact that 7 years olds exaggerate, they say things, they blow things out of proportion.

Second, you drag the kid to a counselor because the dad and stepmom are fighting, and you don't even want to consider the fact that maybe, just maybe, her dad is telling her that if she doesnt want to go to tell you, because there is a strong possibility she is TELLING HER DAD THAT. you don't get their side of the story. You don't try to talk to them like adults. Keep playing your games. You already threw out there a time or two that you can get visitation withheld, but you have no proof. Unless you have more than a 7 year old not liking arguing, then the only person you are going to hurt in the long run is your kid. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see which way your wind is blowing.

You are putting a 7 year old CHILD in the middle of adult affairs, and if your "real" life is anything like you put out here, you are so eat up with what is going on with his new wife you can't see straight. Then, you post a big blog about how you won't even buy your stepkids underwear at your house, because your DH pays child support, and you gave their room away, but act offended that your ex and his family don't behave like the sun and moon shines out of you.

Pffffftttt. I call bull on this whole crap. Don't worry, I won't read your stuff anymore. If I wanted to read anything about a bitter BM being jealous of a SM and causing trouble for a BD, I would just ask my DH's ex to write us a letter.

aggravated, thanks for your

aggravated, thanks for your input however...that's what i just LOVE bout the internet, you tell what you WANT ppl to know.....i HAVE tried talking to my ex and smom, sorry i FORGOT TO TELL YOU every little detail about my life and no i wont buy my skids stuff like that they wont use when my dh agrees COMPLETELY with me, they don't use HALF the stuff i do get for them. Did i forget to tell you that i DO take my oldest sd out for mani's and pedi's for rewards, did i forget to tell you that i do take a lot of time away from my own daughter to help my skids where their mom wont help them did i forget to tell you that my skids got MORE for christmas than my dd did--FROM ME, did i forget to tell you that i have TRIED to talk with exh and his wifey but they both refuse to talk, did i forget to tell you that april 2009 DHS told me she needed couseling and FOUND HER DAD AND SMOM GUILTY OF MY ALLOGATIONS that requires my dd to need counseling THAT SHE WANTS TO ATTEND TO, O AND did i forget to tell you that my attorney subpeonea'd the police department and there have been several reports made by neighbor's due to their fighting??

o wait no i didn't because it wasn't necessary, but i guess ppl just don't need to know all that do they? but yet i'm so blinded

The fact that you keep

The fact that you keep calling her "wifey" says volumes.

BM calls me and even writes "

BM calls me and even writes " Current Wifey" for me- as to what she thinks she might be now- can't figure that one out but I am no current anything nor a stupid "wifey." UGH

Nice thing to call me as I help her in many ways take care of her own child. Did I ever do that to anyone who helped me with my own? NO WAY. I was thankful.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Yep. I was thinking the same

Yep. I was thinking the same thing. That whole refusal to buy panties and make the kids wear them 3 days in a row was my first clue. (Reason being: it's not her fault the other party couldn't pack them).

Don't worry, I won't be reading your posts anymore either.

I'm leaning this way too, I

I'm leaning this way too, I don't believe in over indulging kids or skids but refusing underwear? Whats up with that? I look at underwear as a necessity not a want.

I have several draws stuffed

I have several draws stuffed with undies for all my kids that includes my skids. I am the one that makes sure they have those things.

Yep. I was thinking the same

Don't worry, I won't be reading your posts anymore either.

crayon, why would any parent

crayon, why would any parent that is fighting for best interest of child NOT show up for court? you said it yourself, it's RARE that a mother will not show up. and i've never seen custody of children being given to a father unless the mother does have SERIOUS issues i know there are cases like that, but they are normally cause the mother is obviously NOT stable....

spunkie, no he had 2 weeks to

spunkie, no he had 2 weeks to get it HE CHOSE (post office tried 3x for delivery) to wait til the last minute to go get his mailer

the judge never asked if i wanted to reschedule and honestly i THOUGHT i saw him coming in with his mom 30 minutes before the court hearing, my attorney wasn't there yet, so i walked into an area where i knew he wouldn't see me, and waited til time there then someone in his family who is an attorney showed up, i EVEN TRIED TO CALL HIM without the req of someone else when the judge breaked for me to try to find him because he was not in the court room

so his fault for not attending i honestly don't care, it was his obligation, i even looked with my dh in teh "private rooms" to see if he was in there and nothing :sick:

Hey Crayon, DH and I have

Hey Crayon, DH and I have legal custody of our kids, their mother's were cuckoo birds and dropped them off in our nest as soon as we built it. Yes, both BM's have 'issues' and are unstable. It's hell on wheels sometimes but it's most definately worthwhile. DH and I have been through the entire juvenile justice system with our girl, BM nowhere to be seen unless it was in her own interest, and now SD has been persuaded, by BM, to go live with her mom. I understand it's a biological connection and they are each as manipulative as the other so I am sure they'll do OK, providing that the juvenile judge permits it. Judge knows how unstable BM realy is, given that she is the single largest common denominator every time our girl falls foul of the law. We are holding our girl accountable, the judge is holding her accountable too, but the BM is a trouble maker, out for her own gain, especially now that our girl is starting university next week and will have student grants and loans, a possible meal ticket!? I do believe that our girl's behaviors, while still her choice, were because of immature knee jerk reactions to her mother/father and towards me as a step mom. My hope is that now she's 17 she'll see things as they really are. She's a smart kid!

Somerg- I do not "know"

Somerg- I do not "know" everything, obviously but did the BF NEVER help you guys out this whole time? What is the deal with his new wife as well?

rumore has it she's bipolar,

rumore has it she's bipolar, and he doesn't help because he's not required to by the decree

I'm sorry but am confused.

I'm sorry but am confused. Doesn't the defendent have to SIGN for the summons? That could really screw up anybody if they just let "whomever" get it instead? Wow.

(no, not defending anyone- BTW)

butterfly, that's what i

butterfly, that's what i thought, but i guess not but i'm not sure and i wasn't posting that to you, it was to aggrivated. i just hate it when ppl tell me directly that i'm blind when they don't know ALL of the situation, i honestly pay no attention to "WHO" blogs on here, i just respond....kinda funny how i tend to "aggrivate" so many peoplei do

I'll be honest with you as I

I'll be honest with you as I despise bullsh*t. It is two words which infuriate some of us.

Child Support - not so much taking care of your own as the potential for the abuse of it and the fact that I too am a BM AND A SM which stinks. I have a BM who is way overpaid and does not do crap for her daughter- medically- and who couldn't give a shit that I too, as a BM myself have to take care of MY child. I do not have a BF to draw shekels out of as he is dead...does BM give a damn? HELL NO.

That is basically what can tick off a SM real quick.

I feel ya, Butterfly. I find

I feel ya, Butterfly.

I find it amusing that someone can come on a message board made up primarily of stepmoms, bitch about their kids stepmom, call her "wifey", crow about trying to withhold visitation, and complain about paying child support to their STEPKIDS mom, and refuse to buy underwear for said stepkids, cause that is what child support is for, and think they won't get called on it???????

o and aggrivated, i don't

o and aggrivated, i don't complain about the child support my dh is obligated to pay (expensive, yes) but the stupid alimony that was ordered....i agree whole heartedly that a parent needs to pay the child support that is ordered and granted it DOES get abused, that's not the dad's fault or the kids, that's on the BM

That sounds just like DH';s

That sounds just like DH';s ex-wife. That is creepy.

Yeah, that is exactly what C/S is for. NOT pedis and manis, etc. That would be nice. (staring down at clipped fingernails)

i never said i use child

i never said i use child support for pedi's and mani's, i used MY money for that ONE time on a step daughter to reward her for what i asked from her...........good grades

i don't use child support for

i don't use child support for pedi's and mani's i use MY money to reward step kids the way i promised them i would....despite i get NO HELP from the bio dad.

i've already vowed that the child support i will be recieving will go into a seperate account that will be used SOLEY for clothes, sports and stuff my daughter NEEDS not for mani's and pedi's...that's MY doing

So he hasn't ever helped you

So he hasn't ever helped you guys at all? If that is the case, that makes sense. Don't blame the wife though for the biodad being an irresponsible POS dad. Nobody can force a man not to care for his own but himself. Honestly.

I was "blamed" as well for DH, two years ago when it was actually me pushing him. I had parental experience. BM still blamed me though instead of the "dad." She still does to this day.

There, THIS. You hit the nail

There, THIS. You hit the nail on the head. DH's ex blames ME for a lot of THEIR crap. No way, sister. I am not the one who alienated the kids from their dad, it was you, lady. We pay child support every month, never miss a payment, she doesn't work-but when she wants extra money and DH says no, who gets blamed? ME. Not him, ME. How the heck is everything my fault???? LOL

aggrivated i COMPLETELY

aggrivated i COMPLETELY understand that, read my below post and that SHOULD explain some things

Because we were born maybe?

Because we were born maybe? :? Blame the dads, not the poor SM taking all the shit in the background.

You know, there are a few dads out there who should be blamed for their lack of caring and NOT the "wifey." A POS biodad is just that, a POS.

butterfly, that is true,

butterfly, that is true, HOWEVER they are BOTH worthless not just in my opinion, when bio dad tells me to my face, he wants to divorce this woman for the way he treats our daughter..........that would make any bm hate smom...sorry to say..

and unlike MANY bmom's i have NEVER denied him visitation, YES i want visitation SUPERVISED because neither can stop fighting and HIS MOM HAS E-MAILED ME admitting it's a problem

Why would you believe him,

Why would you believe him, given all you say about him? has your daughter said she treats her badly? that might be more grounds for getting supervised visits than the fact that they fight in front of her.

I have a question and maybe

I have a question and maybe you touched on this somewhere and I just missed it.Why wait 7 years before trying to enforce or start a cs agreement?

asher, because he got her 48%

asher, because he got her 48% of the time and has a metoker job, therefore at that time if anyone was going to pay cs, it would've been me HELL NO! she LIVES with me i'm the primary parent, i'm not paying him a dime because mommy helps him soooo much.

the battlefield is JUST in the perfect setting for me to have serious claims against him

Oh wow so even though you

Oh wow so even though you were primary you would have had to pay him?!I swear the system is so pathetic and broken it's not even funny.He sounds like a total loser and if his wife is keeping paperwork from him then in addition to being a loser,he's also a complete fool.
If I were in somerg's shoes,I would go and get that darned mani-pedi with my first check!Sorry but I think she deserves it after busting her buns for 8 years with all this drama from loser dad.Of course,all checks following should be used solely on providing for DD.But that first one should be blown like birthday candles!

asher...thank you, and

asher...thank you, and actually, i'm making sure MY GROUNDS are covered (4 attorney's told me that i would be paying him cs if i pushed the issue-UNTIL he volunteered his time up...that set it up PERFECTLY)

his mom and dad are bull dogs WITH MONEY so no, i'm not going to do that, there's so much i WANT TO get my daughter i'm going to make sure they can't even come close to saying i buy cigs with it or drinks....i will keep all my purchase receipts, and i will keep it in a different accoutn so i can make sure i don't have to hand me down a damn computer to my daughter again because i have nothing else to give her ((((((tears up)))))

I remember way back when I

I remember way back when I did receive some CS and if I ever did ANYTHING, my ex would blow up about CS.

Every time I did something for ME, he took credit for paying for it by way of CS. Puuleezzzz!!! Yes, you dill weed, your 300 bucks this month paid for my new fence, my new car, my hair, it pays for EVERYTHING here! Man…can I stretch a buck or what???!!!

no butterfly, i've NEVER

no butterfly, i've NEVER received a dime of child support (dd is 8 this month), he's paid 48% of day care expenses and reimbursed it to me, he paid the day care directly tile i filed contempt charges on him for NOT paying and i still ate the late fees from the day care because he didn't pay them as he said he would, all in addition to i covered her on insurance for 3 years, and covered ALL out of pocket expenses from the visit because he "couldn't" when HE is supposed to and he threw a fit when i told him i was removing our dd from my insurance giving him no choice because our virbal agreement was for him to pay my out of pocket expense to cover HIS obligation which was LESS than 100 a month (still is) and he STILL hasn't paid that yet (been 5 years). i've gotten MAYBE 100 from him in the last TWO years (i support her full time) and a SMALL box of goods and he can't even fork over 20 a month without throwing a hissy fit to me first. his mom put HIS house under her name and he's quoted to me before that he doesn't always have to pay the full price/mtg for the house, sometimes, nothing at all. And yet he somehow both smom and bdad brags to me about the BIG party they are throwing for dd's bday, and the BIG christmas they got her, when they KNOW DAMN WELL, i'm drowning over here and there's nothing DAD WILL do without an order, the clothes i have for her are too small and they complain about that, but THANK GOD i have student loans coming in this week and i'm taking her shopping seeing as she only has 1 pair of tennies, and jeans that DESPERATELY NEED TO GO, yet they have a closet full of clothes that they just went through and about 5 outfits that BIODAD gave me to give to my smaller neices that STILL HAD TAGS ON THEM. and they can't afford the 20 for GAS i ask for?

i know it's not smom's obligation HOWEVER his exuce in not helping me is because his wife refuses to pay certain HOUSEHOLD bills giving him 'no choice" to not help me out. I ME HAVE paid my dh's child support because he's out of a job...I have paid for the things they need for sporting activities that their mom cannot afford to pay, i HAVE bought undies but they go home and dont' come back therefore, i'm not buying anymore because MY DD is going without, and i refuse to continue to allow this to happen.

How the heck is everything my

How the heck is everything my fault????
++++++++++++++++++++
DUH!!! Cause you are the SM!!!

Thank God for student loans

Thank God for student loans is right! At 18 years old and in college, I became pregnant with BD20 and lived off of them as well. My grandmother would help me with her clothes and watched her so I could go back to college and obtain my 1st MS. Those were the days, let me tell you.

I have said it on this board before, NO C/S or Alimony from the BF either. He is/ was a total nut (certified) and never saw us again after BD turned 3 yo. BD20 has 1 year left to sue him personally- although it is a major risk for her safety.

and it really fries my turkey

and it really fries my turkey that i have to use a freaking (putting it nicely) STUDENT LOAN to buy my dd clothes and pay for her school lunches because her dad is such a dead beat and cant' stand up to his WIFEY (that's his claim-because she refuses to........) and my funds just WONT STRETCH THAT FAR

you do know that this isn't

you do know that this isn't his wife doing this, right? If not, ok, I am done. He is a grown man. I doubt she is flogging him the basement.

i was just thinking the same

i was just thinking the same thing.she seems a little too easy for him to use as his scapegoat for everything.she may be involved in a lot of it but he is likely the one holding the rope on the major issues.

i'm sure that's the case, but

i'm sure that's the case, but karma is fixing to pay him a visit, because i'm DONE, and o btw, i don't mind as long as my dd has what SHE needs, i MAY just fork over the child support i get to my dh's ex wife.........simply CAUSE I CAN, o wouldn't that fry his ass to hear that he's paying my dh's child support !!!!! }:)

talk down all you want but i'm SERIOUSLY tempted to do that, and make sure HE KNOWS

Revenge is a neverending

Revenge is a neverending circle of shame and bitterness that does not pay off- it only harms all. (me)

That is why there are still wars.

Added: I only worry for my own child. I do not care about DH's C/S nor would ever pay it for him. NO WAY. After I took care of my own and busted my ass? I did not want to get off so bad that I jumped his ex-wife who was lol supposed to be on BC. DH did. You play, you pay. Not my problem. If it is his kid- he can work an extra job. I've got enough to deal with with my own kid.

They should not be fighting in front of a young girl like that though but you need real proof.

butterfly, my atttorney has

butterfly, my atttorney has subpeonia'd the police and has reports from neighbor's calling AND they admited to DHS fighting in front of her what other proof do i need

If you have viable proof then

If you have viable proof then somerg, you need not fear a contempt charge for NOT allowing your daughter to go back for visitation with the other BP. BTDT I was not charged with jack.

IF she is in jeopardy, why in hell would you let her go there? I would never, nor did ever allow it with my own.

You have proof, so no need to fear anything then. Checkmate.

my attorney has told me to

my attorney has told me to let the judge handle it so i am...i have not seen the documents my self, attorney has them all and is still getting more info for a good presentation to judge

she said because it's not directed at her, but is to the point of they need to stop or she needs to be removed

Have either of them been

Have either of them been arrested for anything? (convicted)

nope, his family knows ppl in

nope, his family knows ppl in the system (cops, and his uncle is an attorney)

Wow this story keeps getting

Wow this story keeps getting better and better. First you believe everything a 7 year old tell you and considering I am dealing with a 7 year old snot who will fake cry at the drop of a dime, not sure how valid the stories are.

Second you say your Ex Husband told you directly that he wants to leave his current wife??? yeah I guess that might be true but I doubt it!

Finally you point out that your attorney has proof from neighbors that your ex husband and his CURRENT bride are fighting...yeah seem to me that would have been one of the 1st things you pointed out and if that is the case why do you let your daughter go over there?

You should get child support but to try and put everything on the Step mother in this scenario isn't fair and I think you know that.Sour Grapes is what I am hearing. I have not read all comments so if I am being redundant or you have already explained some of what I found odd...then ....carry on!!! LOL

oops my bad! LOL I was

oops my bad! LOL I was trying to emphasize that her ex husband does in fact have a current wife therefore she need to stop being so concerned about what goes on between those two!!

I stand corrected! LMAO

You said your daughter

You said your daughter doesn't even have decent clothes. Why would you deprive her of that just to get back at him? How is that putting your kid first, which is the thing you accuse him of not doing?

no aggrivated, i'll be

no aggrivated, i'll be spending part of my STUDENT LOAN money to get her what she needs (supposed to get that this week-any day now) and will take her shopping this weekend for that stuff my first child support payment wont get here til feb or even maybe march :sick: i'm pissed, but i'm not holding that over her head, i may take her to gap just cause i've never bought her name brand clothes

maux, i guess it WOULD make a

maux, i guess it WOULD make a difference if you were able to fully provide for your kids without scraping the skin off your teeth.

I've waited patiently for 8 years before i actually get help. it's not MY MONEY, it's HER MONEY, that I WILL USE to get her what she needs.

it takes two to tangle, and man i really wish someone could one day explain to me why it's not ok for me to complain when that BASTARD is sitting in a castle that MOMMY bought for him

O AND DID I FORGET TO TELL YOU?1 found out yesterday that the attorney HIS MOM BOUGHT HIM in the begining LIED about his income to help him keep from paying child support and which is why per his reported income would've made ME THE CUSTODIAL PARENT THAT THE CHILD LIVES WITH pay child support can you explain that for me please?.

yet i'm complaining for not getting money becasue apparently, my daughter is nothing more than a pay check for me, when i havn't gotten a "paycheck" through her EVER....and i'm not the 1 providing for my dd??

how dare you

o and it's too late for me to

o and it's too late for me to do anything about it because of statue of limitations

OK, here's the deal- 1. you

OK, here's the deal-
1. you are getting child support. Good. You should be getting child support. He was an idiot for not taking YOU for child support for those years when he could have, so it is on him. Bear in mind that legally, though, you SHOULD have been paying child support to him for your daughter so she could have the same level of living over at his house as she enjoys at yours. Not saying I agree with that, just saying that is the law. He chose not to pursue that, so good for you.
Now that you are getting child support, you can lay that to rest and provide better for your daughter.

2. You hate your kids SM. Well, I hope you know, no matter what your ex says there is a good chance she is probably being used as a scapegoat. If he tells you these things about her, there is no telling what he says about you to her, so she probably hates your guts too. Add into that not getting along with her husband and a 7 year old that perhaps to her she feels like tells all their business-yeah, I bet she isn't a happy camper.

3. If things are as you say, then you should have copies of those records. Just having your attorney have them is not good enough. If something went down in front of my kid, I would want to know to who, what, where, when and why, and what everyone was wearing when it happened. As Butterfly said, if you have proof, not sending her over there will have zero repercussions on you. DH's ex withholds his kids for no reason, and she is zipping happily along as we speak.

4. No way in hell would my kid EVER EVER EVER go anywhere where I thought she was in danger. EVER. I don't care if the Pope invited her over to have dinner with the Dalai Lama, if I thought it was dangerous, nope, my kids not going.

Aggravated1- BINGO.

as per the reports, yes she

as per the reports, yes she is sending me copies of those, BUT because they are directly at her, and there is no physical abuse going on......it's not severe enough

I always signed DH's checks

I always signed DH's checks to his ex. I never thought much about it, until I found out it bothered her. Then I started dotting all my i's with little hearts.

Wait! Am I the only one who

Wait! Am I the only one who is married to a man that does not even get to see his monies before the DOR takes it out first out of his paycheck?

I was told that BM did NOT have to go the DOR "route" for C/S. He has always paid no matter what. What does it take to get the DOR involved with C/S? That is not a mandatory way of procurring C/S, is it?

They initially agreed in the

They initially agreed in the divorce that he would pay her directly. When they went back later, she was complaining that she wanted him to take it to HER BANK every Friday and deposit it for her also. He told her to bite him, and we arranged to have it sent through DOR. I still have to write her checks to reimburse for medical, stuff like that.
She went CRAZY at mediation, she brought a stack of envelopes addressed to her where I had sent her payments-they were just to her, with her address on them, nothing abnormal. She wanted a court order that I couldnt address her envelopes anymore! LOL
The mediator was dying, DH said-he asked her" you get your money, don't you? What is the problem???" He said BM just sat there and sputtered. I love that it bothers her so much. I wish I knew calligraphy.

This sounds stupid BUT will

This sounds stupid BUT will someone tell me where the C/S goes that is taken out of a paycheck via the DOR to a BM?

Do you get your own debit card through a bank account or something? I know this sounds lame and yes, I do have a kid too but I do not know this question and have wondered.

It goes to a central

It goes to a central disbursement unit within your state where it is credited to the payors account and then sent out to the payee.

'O o'

I think you can get a check,

I think you can get a check, direct deposited, or a debit-depending on where you live and how its done in that county. Too bad for our BM she can't just funnel it directly to the nearest Marlboro distributor and her pill dealer.

i had to , child support

i had to , child support enforcement told me they could not enforce without an order

Aggravated1- That was too

Aggravated1- That was too sweet of you.

Thanks, Butterfly. I do TRY

Thanks, Butterfly. I do TRY to be nice to her.

i wont lie, this paticular

i wont lie, this paticular smom i ABSOLUTELY HATE, and i do struggle with skids A LOT because last father's day BM scheduled a camp for them without talking to my dh first (the camp interefered with father's day) and even though we offered for them to TAKE THEM TO CAMP A HALF A STATE AWAY so they would come see my dh for father's day they STILL didn't do it because they were "packing" wtf, and NO FREAKING CALL EITHER FROM EITHER 1 OF THEM but yet mother's day roles around and we went out of town and decided to miss out on what I wanted so they WOULD come, but god forbid they leave their mom on mother's day but they can't even call their dad on his day (not even bday's)?! AND they waited til FIVE AM on a friday morning to tell us about a dance they wanted to go to that we'd been asking details on for THREE months, already had plans to take my dd to her ball game that night....they decided they hated him and wished they stayed home because we couldn't get them there.

every good piece of clothing i buy goes home and does not come back, and mom yells at me for washing their clothes because it's not with the "right detergent" so no i WONT wash their clothes any more, dh can do it or they can themselves or they can just stink all weekend...fine by me, they don't go with me when i go out on the town if they refuse to keep clean.

yes aggrivated, my dd's

yes aggrivated, my dd's stories about her smom to me are consistant with his....she's ASKED ME for supervised visitation and doesn't want to be there when smom is there...and yes they fight in front of her, i witnessed myslef (and my dh, my dd, and my 2 skids) her over hand throwing my dd's back pack at my ex because she was angry about the schedule that HE AND I AGREED ON WITH OUR DAUGHTER

EEEK!She(wife)sounds like a

EEEK!She(wife)sounds like a spoiled little brat.maybe she is a former entitled skid?

she is a spoiled brat, never

she is a spoiled brat, never knew nothing about raising a family until my ex and she got together, the VERY FIRST thing that came out of my mouth when exh told me about her and their engagement is that i wanted to meet her so we MIGHT have a relationship....NOPE that wasnt' gonna happen

to be honest, i'm READY to be the BM everyone on her vents about

I understand where the op is

I understand where the op is coming from when it comes to buying things for her skids and to buy things for her kid. I am a bio mom as well. This is what dh and I did - I was getting very stressed about skids clothes and shoes and things so dh told me to stop buying things for them and he would take care of it. So if the skids don't have something dh is responsible. I work and he works we pay the bills then we same most of it after that but then we make sure that we both have money to support our kids.

As far as what she is doing to her dd's step mom I don't really know her so I don'[t really know what to say. However did your dd say anything to you about SM hurting her? If so then yeah I can see that but if not then you might want try somehting else.

purple daisy's, actually,

purple daisy's, actually, from the report from DHS and from the reports my counselor has provided, it wouldn't be hard to file emotional abuse on the situation...not directly at her, but for not "keeping civil" in her presence

Although this board is

Although this board is primarily for step-parents, a lot of us are bios as well. We all know about the crazy BM but there ARE crazy SMs out there as well.

In fact, our BM recently got married to a man with kids so she IS a crazy SM as well as BM!!

However, I do agree that once a POS, always a POS - new spouse or not. It's not always the new spouse's fault.

THERE you are Sky. Is all

THERE you are Sky. Is all okay on your end lately?

(sorry, Somerg)

its all good butterfly

Butterfly - same ole, same

Butterfly - same ole, same ole. H is only being an ass when drinking now so I guess that is an improvement. I told him to be ready when the day comes that he has to chose between me or alcohol.

Hope everything is good on your end!

sky, it's even better when

sky, it's even better when the sparent is just as much of a pos as the bio parent

but i have to disagree with once a pos always a pos
i honestly think we all fall under that category more often than we'd perfer to admit.

i KNOW i can be a pos smom, and at times a pos BM but i do my best and that's what counts

Somerg, you are correct. In

Somerg, you are correct.

In my case, BM has some kind of mental illness. She has since she was a child. Unfortunately, I got that mess dropped into my lap. She blames me for everything because before I came along, she was in complete control with her hand firmly on H's balls, courtesy of his love of his kids. I was the one that informed him of the rights he had as a father that she couldn't mess with.

As far as being a BM myself, I think I had every right to be the psychotic BM (but I wasn't). DS's father got thrown in jail so I broke up with him. He fled the state when he found out he was going to have to pay CS. But that was AFTER he married and impregnated a 17 year old girl (had to get her mom's permission to get married - and she gave it!!!) Poor girl had a stillborn baby. She just turned 18 and had to bury her baby and file for a divorce for abandonment :jawdrop:

This so-called "father" never once asked to see his son. Never once sent a Xmas or Bday card - even though I provided his mother with pictures etc because I KNEW she knew where he was. They didn't catch up with him for CS until DS was almost 10. My life with him when he was small was hell, financially. DS is now 20 and he still owes me over $23,000 (and paying $60 a month!).

But yet, I never once asked for an increase in CS. Even when the law changed so that there would be an automatic 20% increase in CS...

I guess karma decided that since I was a NICE BM, I should have a crazy one to deal with!

Direct payroll withholding I

Direct payroll withholding I hope.

Congrats, now do what so many CPs do with CS. Go buy a car, take a vacation, etc.....

JJOC.

rags, i hate to say, but for

rags, i hate to say, but for as much as it bother's you, buying a car with child support is perfectly acceptable in the eyes of the court....the child has to have trasportation, and if you don't think i wouldn't ever use child support to make a car payment or buy groceris for MY home....better think twice, that's just cold hard truth, and as long as the child is provided for if the bm WANTS to go on vacation, there is nothing stopping her from using that support to go towards that vacation.

sucks, but it's legal

No doubt about it at all, it

No doubt about it at all, it is definitely legal for the CP to use CS as they wish. Within reason I have no problem with that.

I do have a friend whose wife left him and shanked him for a ton of CS when he graduated from college. Shortly after his son would visit BM would take him back to court for a CS increase then do or buy whatever BioDad had purchased recently. Cars, vacations, TVs, etc.....

The BM knew that raises were awarded in March each year and she would file for a CS amendment shortly after raise time. Increase in NCP income was considered reason for CS adjustment in her state and she would screw my friend every year.

She could not afford a new vehicle ever few years or to go on cruises without CS.

CS used for food, safe transportation, clothing, housing, school, etc.... for the kids I am fine with. CS to augment CP lifestyle is wrong. If a CP could not afford new cars every few years or cruises without CS then they should not be buying new cars every few years or taking cruises with CS. IMHO.

IMHO it should not be legal for CS to be used to qualify for a mortgage, car note, etc.... It is not earned income it has a specific purpose and that is to provide for the basic needs of the KIDS not enhanced lifestyle of the CP.

I am married to the CP who receives CS. We had the CS direct deposited in to an on-line bank account them immediately transferred to other accounts. This was so the CSE could not jack with our operating or investment accounts if they screwed up. CS was never more than a fraction of our monthly gross income. It was never enough to make much difference. $110/mo for a year. $130/mo for 8yrs, $500/mo for a year to cover increases and back CS, then $390/mo for 6yrs.

We have never used the CS to qualify for a mortgage, buy a car, take out school loans or anything else we borrowed money to do. We have never claimed CS on any document we have ever filled out requiring our income. If we could not afford the house, cars or education costs without CS, we would not have purshased of done those things.

Though I am married to the CP I also understand that generally the NCP gets hosed in CS situations. I do not think that the CP should have to account for specifically how CS is spent but I also think that the CP should not be able to use CS to otherwise live above their means.

The NCP should be required to support their children and pay CS. I am good with the 21% number that most states cap CS at. A child has a right to the benefits of equity access to the income of both of their parents.

I can sit the fence on this issue and see both sides I think.

Best regards,

CS is for child

CS is for child expenses.Meaning,expenses you wouldn't have if you didn't have a kid.If you didn't have a kid would you still drive? Well then you can't use CS for your car or car related expenses unless it's gas to drive the kid to school and activities.Would you still have to pay the electric bill if you didn't have a kid? Then you can't use cs for your electric bill unless you can mathematically figure out exactly how much extra electricity your kid is using a month than what you would spend if you didn't have one.would you still have a mortgage if you didn't have a kid?then you can't spend cs on your house or repairs involving your house unless it's for the kids room.
THAT is what the court means by child related expenses.It seems your intentions with this cs are mostly in the right place and I already said what I would personally do with the first check!lol but cs is truly meant to handle expenses specifically related to the child that wouldn't be an expense if you didn't have one.
Cs isn't paying for the cp to live which is where most people are mistaken.they think cs is for everything under the sun just because the kid is living there.Oh,my lawn mower broke and i was using it to mow the lawn of the house the kid lives in so I can use cs to repair it.No.you'd have to repair it if you didn't have kid so cs doesn't get used.

see? simple.

i guess you missed this part

i guess you missed this part of my comment "as long as the child is provided for...."

I didn't miss it.you don't

I didn't miss it.you don't have to be defensive to me somerg.I don't think you're in the wrong here and I believe I've shown that with several of my posts.But I also think when it comes to cs,after the child is provided for by both parents contributing half then whatever is left of cs,if any,should go into an account for the kid...not used for car payments and other things not kid related.

i didn't mean that

i didn't mean that offensively

also, per 4 attorney's here

also, per 4 attorney's here in my state, i've asked that same thing (if child support can be used to buy a home, or make a car payment, etc) and i guess that too is dictated by state, 4 attorney's on my dh's behalf, including my own adviced me and i've heard a judge say this too, that the courts cannot dictate "how" cs is used as long as the child is properly cared for, and home/utliity, vehicle expenses in oklahoma's eyes are acceptable

yeah it is different from

yeah it is different from state to state but morally if it really came down to it and all previously joking aside,I don't think I could just spend cs money on stuff having nothing to do with my child even if my child was taken care of and there was money left over.i would feel too morally obligated to put it all away for him/her no matter what the state says.

asher i agree 100% morally

asher i agree 100% morally that's what SHOULD happen, but legally, it's another story, i wont lie, it about fried my butt to see my dh's ex wife take the child support check i wrote her turn around cash it the bank we were at and go buy cigs, but the kids have a roof over their heads, they have clothes even though they are hand me downs and they are well fed (over fed) for that mattter (one is getting a little chunky) what can we do about it?? not a damn thing

and to be 100% honest, i wouldn't mind going out on the town on a child support payment or buy something for myself, seeing as i've solely supported her full time for 2 years with less than 100.00 given to me by her sperm donor while he sits in is castle that mommy bought him playing video games that he and my dd go buy traditionally every other weekend....i wouldn't feel the least bit guilty.

i don't mind being that bm that everyone hates at the moment would feel nice to once have the upper hand and do it JUST CAUSE I CAN

THIS BY FAR IS THE CRAZIEST

THIS BY FAR IS THE CRAZIEST THING I HAVE SEEN ON HERE!

What is the issue here!!

I have been dwelling on this ALL day and not only am I offended and pissed off; but I am dumfounded by some comments!!

I have been on BOTH sides for the past twelve years. I have seen my SD BM take us for everthing while we had her 1/2 time and give more on top of CS - from school stuff to sports to whatever! YOU NAME it. and then having her want more when she had OTHER KIDS!! and to boot - she only worked 15 hours a week. WTF
so I am in no way shape or form saying this is right - this is the rudest thing in the world when you have a dad that moves the world for his kids.

and now SD lives with us full time and we don't see a god damn PENNY!! She only has her daughter 1 day a week for three freakin hours.....THAT'S IT :jawdrop:

Now I have a BD11 who has never met or seen or heard of her sperm donor (not by my choice - I mean I wasn't the one who made this decison that he couldn't be in her life) He walked away moved states got married and adopted her kids.

I did not see a penny for 8 years. I worked full time going to school at night to get my degree and had 2 other children along the way!! I went without things you couldn't imagine....Yes I needed a haircut, new shoes, new purse, gas- whatever

I am astonished that people can actually provide a list of what they deem Necessary that CS should be spent on. Yes they are expenses you would have if you didn't have kids. But it is MORE of such as..

Gas for activities
water for showers; laundry; more food (U get my point)

I went without for years and years - HELL I still go without; I didn't ever get a cell phone till I was over 30 - my daughter had one first!!

I shouldn't be told what I can spend my CS money on!! It's mine and I raise my daughter pretty damn good by myself!! I bend over backwards for her and my children

Maybe it wasn't meant this way - but it sure sounded like it

somerg stop defending yourself!!!!!!!

Nobody knows your full story and who the hell are these people on their high horses dishing out orders and pointing fingers.......

To each thier own - are you beating them??

I am all for an open site, opinions, debates, arguments, disagreements, and whatever it may be; but it really seemed like bashing was going on and why, for what??

THANK YOU!!!! For

THANK YOU!!!! For once......someone feels the EXACT same way i do, thank you hbell.

couldn't have put it better than that!

Lets start with this--because

Lets start with this--because Somerg said on another post that she lets her stepkids wear the same underwear 3 days in a row, and won't buy any at her house, because that is WHAT CHILD SUPPORT IS FOR.
Also, she said she was willing to take the child support she gets, pay her husbands child support with it, and make sure her ex knew just to "pay him back."

Do you get it now?

As a BM who barely saw a dime from my kids dad, and as a wife to a man that pays an insane amount of child support to a woman to support her cigarette buying, pill popping, man hopping lifestyle, hellz yeah I care where child support goes.

Right. I don't get it. I am

Right. I don't get it. I am glad I am not the only one seeing the inconsistencies. And once again, good for her that she is getting child support, but she is giddy about the fact that she didn't have to pay it when she SHOULD HAVE BEEN paying it, legally, but now wants to rub it in her ex's face that he is paying her now.

I am a birth mom too, but I am not about to come on here talking shit about a stepmom and think it's not going to raise a few hackles.

actualy aggrivated, i NEVER

actualy aggrivated, i NEVER should've paid it because i just learned he LIED on the decree....no i was not aware of this...and i WOULD'VE fought that, because i'm have PRIMARY custody

Here is what is confusing me

Here is what is confusing me now, as of today? :?

I thought somerg was more concerned with her daughter's SAFETY than if her ex-H was going to "pay" and watch somerg pay her dh's C/S?

Uhmmmmmmmmmmmm?

Aggravated Exactly! and in

Aggravated
Exactly! and in the process bashing and making the Stepmother to her kids or "Wifey" look like the bad guy, yet it seem the OP's behavior toward her own step kid's is just as Disingenuous yet want to make this about another woman who is probably just as fed up with her and her daughter as you are about your underwear-less skids.

that's the point that got

that's the point that got under my skin so much. Somerg is a stepmom herself, has complained about her stepkids, complained about what child support is used for with her stepkids, but alllll that changes when it's her own house. It's not any different.

And as a stepmom, I get blamed for so much crap that I have had no hand in.
Somerg, you said you hate the SM. I don't know why you hate her, and you don't have to tell me. It's obvious you are "out to get" your ex and his new wife, and the whole relationship frankly from what you have said seems very twisted.

The end result is-is all of this healthy for your daughter? You hate the stepmom. I am sure she knows it. I doubt it makes her feel warm and loving towards your daughter. Your daughter can feel that. SM and her husband may fight because of it. The fights cause him to lose visitation. And guess what? Your daughter loses her dad. Is that what you want? because it seems that is a viable end result of all of this.

Which means you use the cs

Which means you use the cs for above and beyond what you'd pay if you had a little two seater and smaller place,etc...I believe I was the only "people" talking about what she'd have if she didn't have kids and I don't appreciate the bitchy sarcasm.I wasn't involved in attacking somerg so lay off. have a nice day

thank you dream weaver

The last i have to say on

The last i have to say on this, is for those sparents who are complaining about what child support is for and is not, there's nothing no one can do about as to how child support is spent.

Thats a package deal with being divorced and being with a divorced parent for as irritating as it may be to see that money get spent on something for the parent receiving the support....(you'd do it to morally correct or not) it's a cold hard fact not all child support is spent on the child. as long as the kids have their basic needs quit belly aching it's an ORDER, NOT A CHOICE and complaining and venting and bellyaching wont change a thing besides make YOU more miserable, and mad, and hate your life even more, BM doesn't care how you feel or how angry you get, she's PROBABLY laughing at you. the parent paying the child support helped make the kids, he/she needs to help pay for them even if that means YOU as the sparent have to dish out more money to support the household or feed the kids that YOU DID NOT CREATE. You knew he had kids before you got married

chances are the parent receiving the support has ALWAYS spent it on her/his even before you came in the picture and nothing will change because you are here. i'd be lying if i say i wont at one point and time get a mani or a pedi or get my hair done or what ever from that child support....

the amount of child support paid isn't even close to what it actually costs to support the child...here's what the payer DOESN'T see: the parent receiving the child support; if they don't get that payment of support guess what RENT IS STILL DUE, GAS IS STILL NEEDED, THE CHILD CAN STILL GET SICK, THE KID STILL HAS TO EAT and who gets to suffer the cost and find SOME WAY to pay for that expense ON HER OWN

the parent paying it still has to pay it yes with a penalty if behind. If your dh is behind ANY amount and you're complaining, I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU....the rent is due NOW the child needs to see the dr NOW, the gas needs to go in the car NOW, the child doesn't stop growing because child support isn't paid and guess who gets to find the money SOMEHOW to take care of them NOW??? obviously NOT YOU.

i'm done. I've primarily supported my daughter alone for 8 years and received 48% of DAYCARE EXPENSE and had to beg to get that out of him, i had to take him to court for contempt for not paying day care, AND his charges in court DID NOT include penalties i had to pay cause he didn't because i had to pay the teacher CASH, and guess what, MOST of his payments went to the freaking lawyer, NOT ME, SO I'M STILL OUT!

i've supported my dd for TWO YEARS full time and have had to beg for gas money and lie to get help (ooo a whole 20.00 every other month BY REQUEST-IF THAT), i had to dish out retainer for a lawyer I OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T HAVE when i REALLY needed to get my daughter fn clothes, = to get him to start paying, and to get him to agree (because it's his year) to allow me to claim her on taxes this year. he complains to me about her clothes being too small when he has clothes filing up her closet WITH PRICE TAGS STILL ON THEM that she's now too big for. she wears boots back and forth that HE bought her that are ONE HUNDERED AND FIFTY at a cowboy store!!! and he can't give me 20.00????

I'll receive STUDENT LOAN money before my first child support payment that i'm using to buy my daughter the stuff she needs cause i can't get him to help with out legal persuit and her needs CANT' WAIT for that, and guess what? i SHOULD be using that on stuff for SCHOOL but no, i get the suffer HIS penalty.

damned straight that first month's payment will PROBABLY be spent on ME maybe even getting bills caught up, second probably my dh for he needs things to for his new job becasuse he'll need it before he gets paid, and PROBABLY to pay on DH'S child support..........CAUSE I CAN! and the child support i'll soon be receiving....i'm looking at it as REIMBURSMENT for 2 years of full time providing I HAD NO HELP ON and GUESS WHAT because it WASN'T an order HE gets off scott free

KARMA'S A BITCH! Deal with it

Well as a person who's guy

Well as a person who's guy pay WAAAAAAAY to much in child support for his kids, you get no luv from me !
The BM in our situation has gotten over the last several years because my guy was to passive to get it reduced, since he has gotten a modification of a mere $200 the greedy BM in our case is appealing and taking him BACK to court over this meager amount when she should cut her losses and take the last couple years as a big bonus. I know that the amount she get is not going all toward the kids and is supporting her lifestyle.....so when I hear this type of crap it makes me sick. when my guy is driving a vehicle that is on it's last leg yet she pulls up in a newer vehicle yeah it makes me sick and in turn his kids make me sick when they come over and expect everything they ask for... your situation is different than ours but this "women DESERVE the extra money" attitude isn't fair to the men who are struggling as well. Our court systems are screwed up when it comes to child support anyway and I wish the laws would change where women had to itemize and show receipts and documentation monthly on what the money is going toward.

Whateva

fyi-this is NOT directed to

fyi-this is NOT directed to anyone impaticular.....just HAD to say that

to above postings i don't

to above postings i don't care how inconsistant my post is the more i think about it, the more i WANT to spend that $$ on ME and i sure DESERVE IT and i just might, what can he do??? NOTHING

Oh this is classic BM

Oh this is classic BM talk-our BM has said this EXACT SAME THING. I am a BM and I have NEVER EVER said it. EVER. EVen when I received NOTHING.

"the amount of child support paid isn't even close to what it actually costs to support the child..."

In DH's case, $920.00 a month certainly CAN support a child for a month. It is not meant to support the whole fucking household, it's to support the KID. Show me where I get to spend that much on each of MY kids a month, and they would be rolling in designer clothing, eating out every night of the week. You know why? Because I have a JOB. I pay for MY part of the expenses. I don't expect anyone else to carry my part, or my husbands part, or kids from another marriage's part.

Why?

Because child support isn't supposed to pay EVERYONE's electricity. It isn't supposed to pay EVERYONE's groceries. If our BM has a problem with that and can't make ends meet? Then sign over custody to the other parent. BM can give us SD anytime then, if she can't keep the lights on and the water on and food in the house on what we pay. God forbid I actually have to deal with the pain in the ass, but sure, I certainly could make $920.00 "work" for me in supporting ONE KID.

agrivated i can see your

agrivated i can see your point, but child support is based on income so that means your dh make a lot, i went through that too, only my dh was paying alimony in addition to child support so not only was he supporting KIDS but EX WIFE....really?

Look at what celebrity's pay, i know that's a little far out, but it's becasue of income, so the way around that (which is NOT smart) is if he gets less income, then bm will have no choice but to go to work if she's not, and if he's paying support and they are not taken care of, she can lose custody of them....

there is no way around

there is no way around that.per the court,you can't purposely impoverish yourself to pay less in support.slave labor...and we thought that ended a Loooooong time ago.nope it's still alive and well in the cs courts

I agree...people you can't

I agree...people you can't dictate what it's spent on. It goes to a 'community pot' if you will...depending on when bills are due and you receive support-its' very likely we use 100pct of our money to provide/shop our kids...I don't keep a seperate account w/cs...it goes in the bank...it distributes to whatever I want...bills, payments, groceries and even if I want to go out for drinks or night on the town.

It's not logical nor practical to sit there and divide and count every penny used for the kids-I don't have to. They are well fed, clothed, get their haircuts, shoes, books, toys, they have ocassional outings, bday parties to attend, their bday parties expenses, on and on and on....it goes in the bank and I use my checking/debit as I please....and YES there are times he gives me cash instead of a deposit-I can use that cash for whatever-since it's likely I've used my paycheck already to pay for kids expenses.

This is WHY the courts don't care how it's used and are smart enough to realize it's not practical or possible or logical really do itemize every darn thing....it goes towards the main pot and used to support the kids. If the kids are cared for well then the custodial parent can use CS for whatever they deem necessary. Too bad if you don't like it. It's the way it goes.

Oh, and $920 for 1 kid agg-I see your point-not everyone is in the same boat. Because I guarantee you $500 a month for 2 boys is NOT enough to cover their expenses-let alone the fact that I lost count of the arrears and times he hasn't paid-but I can probably add a few years unpaid since we split.

I can sit on the fence on

I can sit on the fence on this issue.in fact,i am sitting on the fence because I kind of agree with both sides to a certain extent.But what happens in the cases where the children aren't being taken care of at the level they should be based on the fat truckload of money BM is getting every month?yeah sure their basic needs are met but then you see BM walking around like paris hilton and you have to wonder,where is my husband's money REALLY going?I think in those cases,the courts need to allocate some sort of tracking system to make sure the money goes where it needs to go rather than going to make BM wealthy.
i feel for the mothers taking care of 3 kids on 900 lousy bucks a month.it's not a lot for multiple children.my gripe is the 'ladies' with one child,no job,and a HUGE amount of cs being paid while the kid walks around in shoes that are worn out and other things like that.

thank you overit2

asher---------------now

asher---------------now THAT'S a good point, and i see that 100%

lol ok finally we're on

lol ok finally we're on middle ground! the situation i was talking about in that post is the ONLY reason i was saying cs should be monitored better.I don't think the court should meddle in the spending of the honest bm's who are really doing their best on what they're getting but i DO feel the ones who are doing the minimum for their kids need to turn in some receipts and bank statements monthly.

now, that i can see but

now, that i can see

but honestly, for as much as it does irritate me to see a bm staying home because child support pays for all living expenses, i can see that, but that's probably what she was used to during the marriage...she's not going to change now

I supported myself and my

I supported myself and my daughter for years and years. I had a voucher to help me with her daycare before her schooling and it probably cost around an extra 40 bucks a week to make sure that she had what she needed.

I had to pay for my own stuff anyway, so with her being with me full time it was not really any extra burden. I always had enough food for 2-3 anyways, no matter what I fixed. It might as well be used to feed her? Not that much extra to support a child. It is the lifestyle that you feel you are entitled to have that makes a huge financial difference. IMO only. (no offense)

Now, when you start getting over one child, that starts to add up.

Now as a SM with a DH who has an ex-wife who is still a SAHM with only one kid, living in a free house and driving a free car, collecting C/S and her child has rags and impetigo-lice, etc. and I PAY taxes to help support a person like that and I AM A MOM too? What??? Yes, I will bitch about that.

butterfly you are very right.

butterfly you are very right. I supported my 2 kids on my own and I honestly could say that it didn't cost that much more to support them too. It was the 'toys' they wanted and other things that were not necessities that adds up. I had to have a place to live and a car and no matter what you really fix you still have enough for at least 2 or 3 people. The day care is what I really noticed was the main increase but I was able to get it paid same as you did. Of course this is how I feel.

I think the thing that pisses

I think the thing that pisses people off - ME INCLUDED is the lazy moms. I think CS is needed and I dont' take him for all I can get either. I went 150 less; just because I heard he had other kids. AND HE DOESN'T even know my daughter!

The people that ruin it for good mothers are the ones that hardly work and expect CS to cover all THEIR own needs and not their children. It pissed my off more than anything that we were both working fulltime with a total of 4 kids and had SD 1/2 time and when it was her mothers time; the grandparents had her!! WE would give her money - fine. But who do you think called us for school clothes, lunch money, sports, pictures. The lazy BM.

I think it is sad to have to make such a broad statement about CS; I do not know everyone individually; but I can feel you all!! That's why we are here.....Right??

Good point overit2

I usually don't debate at all!! but certain things rub me the wrong way and this is such a touchy subject.

hbell I agree it is a touchy

hbell
I agree it is a touchy subject but there is more than laziness that piss some of us off like the BM in our case isn't lazy, just GREEDY and bitter which is the tone I got from certain aspects of this blog. In my case the BM is a teacher, she ended up buying a home after the divorce, she isn't driving a brand spanking new car but it certainly is newer than BF's vehicle and now that he is about to buy a new car we have to wait until court in March because God forbid he get a new one and she is fighting for a lousy $200 modification he was granted that her ass is now contesting. My BF has sacrificed so much due to the extreme child support he pays and we get the kids eow which is more money being spent. She is just plain old bitter and greedy so we cannot leave out the dynamics of that type of BM. this type also will show that the court system is tilted toward the female in most cases and all men can't and shouldn't be treated like they are dead beats just because they don't want a marriage any longer.
Also prior to me being in the picture, if the kids could come visit him in a "renting" scenario and were happy, warm, and pleased then the BM can rent as well to sustain a practical way of life that she can afford and not rely on CS to support a lifestyle that she is trying to maintain.

I agree with this; and it

I agree with this; and it burns me when BP do this!! It really does. I get looks from some women when talking about CS - because I feel - I really feel that if the father is there then that should be taken into consideration, as well as other kids too.
It burns me when mothers/fathers complain about things like this because I look at my daughter who has never met her BF and it hurts my heart that parents can not see that just having both parents is SPECIAL. And they shouldn't be looked at as a price tag.

It's as simple as that.

I agree that it IS special

I agree that it IS special for the child(ren) to have both parents as parts of their lives. Too bad more parents can't realize that. And by extension, why is it a bad thing if there is ANOTHER adult (step parent) who is willing to love and care for your child?

whateva that is a good point

whateva that is a good point IF CS is meant to pay for the life style the kids are accustomed too then why is it only expected to be in the bm's home and not both homes?????

purple daisies, because

purple daisies, because NORMALLY bm's home IS the kids home, and court give VISITING rights to the bd.....which is NOT their home. if the kids are used to the best it CAN make a difference to their up bringing, the stress from lack of money or living in a less expensive home, can bleed over to them and cause stress to them

But a BM cannot maintain that

But a BM cannot maintain that SAME standard of living usually on child support alone, especially if the BM doesn't work.
And god forbid we cause a kid stress.

somerg Sorry but I disagree

somerg
Sorry but I disagree about the kids home and they are use to the best blah blah blah are you serious? Divorce is hard on everyone even the precious kids. If most were living in a 3 billion dollar home prior to divorce ..if that were the case I don't think a lot of us would be complaining, but more than likely if a family lived in a decent normal home , moving from that to a townhome or nice apartment isn't going to ruin the child ...also knowone is expecting the kids and BM to live in a project. I do think in a lot of cases if the Dad has to sacrifice then so should the mother, if the BM is so concerned about the kids HAVING THE BEST, then she can get another job or do what she need to do to make that happen and stop using the child suport to maintain her quality of life. Like i said kids are generally flexible and a house does not make a home, as long as surroundings are conducive to a safe, clean, environment then kids are generally ok unless you teach your child to have certain expectations??? Who said the Father has to be the one to sacrifice a decent quality of life just because a marriage didn't work??? The stress from lack of money..are you serious? perhaps if more ppl in society wouldn't coddle their kids and try to give them every freakin thing they ask for most would not have this since of entitlement that just because you have opted to have a kids that you should be afforded the world?

whateva

Whateva- I agree with every

Whateva- I agree with every single word that you have said. Thank you.

Thanks

Thanks Butterflykisses
However this "all about the kids stuff" when one person wouldn't buy underwear ticks me off and like I said it kinda hit home to my personal situation where Greed is the motivator NOT THE KIDS. I am also not implying the kids in my situation are not well taken care of but I can tell that ALLLLLL the money she get is clearly not going toward them (food, activities, etc) and most is money she count on for her style of life.

I just can't get over the

I just can't get over the bragging that I am reading. How can one sleep at night like that? Personally, it would give me insomnia.

Anyways, I thought "originally" that she was actually concerned for her 7 year old daughter's safety? Whateva is right.

Whateva I totally agree!!!!

Whateva I totally agree!!!! Well said and thank you! That is how I feel. I am a mom to 2 kids that never see their dad and he never paid CS. I feel that it was not my place to take their dad to the cleaners and make him do with out just b/c I could. Besides IF they were to ever have the chance to see him then I would want him to be able to support them while he had them. THAT is how a REAL parent thinks! To put everything aside and think about what is best for the kids and not what is best for their bank account!

Thanks Purple

WELL SAID HS!

Hell if I know why. I have to

Hell if I know why. I have to rent. Of course I would love to own another home but it is not possible because DH stupidly gave his ex-wife the house with his name still attached to the mortgage and she will not refi in her name solely. She is also late on the payments and refuses to sell the home and move somewhere that she can afford.

I even paid her electric bill for her twice. This all screws me up and no, it did not happen until after I married DH and their crap has affected my credit now. She also let go of a new car in DH's name only to turn around and be GIVEN a nicer car than I have for FREE. AGAIN! AM I bitter about this? YES. I have never seen such an ugly brat in my life as this 41 year old grizzly.

Why she thinks that she should have this and that is beyond me. Can't she live like the rest of us poor slobs? Give me a break. The courts need to wake up STAT. The IRS does it, why can't the states take an example as well?

BTW- I can't even afford to get MY hair done with 3 inch roots and I work. All of these damn bills, debts, C/S, bratty kids and moms...

Why don't he do a motion to

Why don't he do a motion to modify and take her back to court, if his cs is caught up it may be a good fight.

somerg you are SOOOO wrong

somerg you are SOOOO wrong about the otehr parents home not being their home b/c it IS their home too! Plus it doesn't matter if they are used to the best life is not a guarantee. So IF they have to down size same then they just might have too. I mean the NCP has NO choice but to down size. I have NEVER seen a NCP that was making more after the divorce on their own. So why should it be different just b/c??? This is something I don't get. It should be the same level at both houses using both the parents income. Not a step parent but the parents.

His C/S in always paid on

His C/S in always paid on time and he needs 4.5K to even retain an attorney willing to handle all of these problems.

We do not have the money to do it or he would have already done such.

I want another home too, you know? What if my car breaks down and I need a car loan? BM does not give a flip and refuses to sell and pay off her debts and clear everyones name. That is greed at its peak. That is abuse of the court system. That is my beef only.

daisy=that is a difference of

daisy=that is a difference of opinion

i wil NEVER force my skids to see my house as home and they probably never will, my dd doesnt see her dad's house as home and she probably never will

somerg who says anything

somerg who says anything about forcing them to see it as their home? They should see both parents homes as their home. HUH? really? If not then why try to fair with all kids? Please don't tell me that kids should not see both parents homes as their home. That is so stupid.

Both the mother and father have equal rights to their kids and they are their parents and not one or the other have special privileges just b/c! Kids should view both their parents are just that THEIR parents. I hope I am getting across what I am trying to get across.

Thank you HS that was what I

Thank you HS that was what I was trying to say they have 2 homes!!!! yes I want my skids to feel this is their home too. Which is why they have a room and clothes and toys and games and chores here too.

Yes they are kids and see and

Yes they are kids and see and understand more than we think they do. I see with my skids all the time. We never talk about the bm they do to us. We just try to help them through it.

I spent two years of my life

I spent two years of my life trying to "think of the kids" and I think it is time for me to think of me again before it is too late.

The "kid" will be fine- Butterfly? Trying to make it happen.

I don't know what I would

I don't know what I would have done if I had not received child support and it wasn't that much. The kids knew when that check came, that meant new shoes, haircuts, and other much needed things. My payceck was stretched to the limit and I made every child support penny count. I had to. I hated hated to ask for money the few times I had to ask my ex for help. It was like begging and degrading for me. I just couldn't do it. The child support payment amount was way under the amount required because I never modified the decree but once later on and then the amount granted even alarmed me. But, it was based on income and the ex said he didn't mind paying it because he knew I took care of the kids.

Good for you and good for

Good for you and good for your XH for caring for the kids and working together on the CS deal.

You, your XH and your kids should be proud of how you all handled the CS situation.

IMHO of course.

I have to say alimony pisses

I have to say alimony pisses me off a lot more than CS. BM has never had a job and now makes more than I do as a full time teacher with CS and alimony combined. It just doesn't make sense to me that she doesn't have to get a job to at least help support the kids. And then we have to hear of all the things mommy bought the kids. Yeah it's so easy spending someone else's money!!

You are here

woooo hooo!!!! i'm getting child support

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